A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 53 years. and 6 months ago I was in a shop and met a lady who is 43 years old, she asked for my number after chatting to go out for coffee.She then asked for us to go out in the evenings, I have serious medical conditions and not in position of going out. She is pushy and I met up with her, I noticed she was looking for man. She is quite bold and approaches men, but although I am friendly I do not like this and I do not even like it when men look at me as I get shy. I do not want any man in my life as I have just come out of an abusive relationship and I am going through a horrible menopause on top of my serious medical condition and I am aware women in my condition cannot provide the normality of relationship to a man, my ex cheated on me and blamed it on me although he never admitted to infidelities. I am not saying never to meeting someone understanding but for time being I need time to heal.my friend continues to criticise me for my clothing and hair style.She invited me to her house and gave me a pair of high heels of 5 inches and told me to try some clothes and ordered me to order them online.She told me that that's how I must dress up to go out with her to meet a man.I cannot wear heels at all.She has also told me to die my hair and buy hair extensions.I do not think there is anything she likes about me, she is not listening to me that I am neither interested in going out nor in men (for time being) and her constant comments about my hair, clothing is upsetting me, I find them offensive. She is hearing me.I would like to maintain friendship with her but how do I make her listen, I am already feeling horrible about myself and she is adding to it. My ex used take me to business functions and I was told that I was classy. I do not feel that I need to change my appearance. but this woman does not back off. she calls me every day.please can you advise me how to tell her to back off? whilst maintaining friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2019): [EDIT]:
Typo corrections:
"Let no one tell you how to spend your money!"
She's a "smoking hot mama;" but that's just not you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2019): Why do you want to maintain friendship with someone who offends you and criticizes your appearance?
Honestly, I don't think you can handle her aggressive/assertive personality; and it might prove damaging to your self-esteem. Maybe after you've had a little more time to managed your medical-issues: you might be able to keep-up with someone so out-going and opinionated. I guess there is something you see in her that might be helpful? If you're a very timid individual; you probably won't execute our advice.
If you hadn't mentioned you were previously in an abusive relationship; my advice would be different. I would assume dealing with a more assertive female could give you a boost to your confidence; but she's somewhat dominating. At least by your description.
She's too bossy, and she doesn't seem to respect your boundaries. I can understand a little push to get you to explore a few changes in style and fashion; but she seems to be too brutal about it. Changing your hair color and spike heels might be far outside your taste in fashion. That's strictly a personal choice!
Suggestions are fine, but she insists you do as you're told!!! Telling you what to purchase! Oh...hell no!
There's only one way to tell her to back-off. By being as straightforward as she is. Lt no one tell you how to spend your money!
You should simply stop her in her tracks! Let her know you don't mind a few fashion tips; but you're not interested in hooking-up with men. You hope to establish friendship, but not for the purpose of seeking a makeover. Consider a few tips; but don't make any changes you don't like.
Honestly, if you don't have the courage to stand-up for yourself; I recommend that you should discontinue the friendship. It seems you can't handle her powerful personality; and she seems incompatible to your personality -type. She's too much!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 February 2019):
 OP, Just tell her - I wish yo uthe best but I don't see this friendship working and you are I are just two very different people.
AND THEN... you BLOCK her number and stop talking to her.
This isn't a friendship, this is some STRANGER trying to commandeer your life and manipulate you to be her clone and her puppet on strings!
You are 53!! If you DO NOT want to date, get a make over, Order new clothes... OR have ANYTHING to do with this woman THEN don't!
This isn't a friendship, lady. NOT by a long shot.
I'd say if you would like to make new friends I'd suggest you look for people with whom you share interest, hobbies etc.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 February 2019):
 Why would you want to have a friendship with someone like this? Is this what you think a friend does? I can hand on heart say that none of my friends criticise me to a point where I am being upset by it.
She sounds like a complete bitch. She is clearly looking for someone, not a friend, that she can use as a wing woman to approach guys with. Someone she can control to look like she does so she doesn’t look as desperate when she goes round trying to pick up guys.
You’ve told us that you’re in no state for this kind of thing at the moment, so why would you want to help her when she clearly doesn’t give a toss about you or your feelings?
I’m not sure why you would want to, but if you insist on staying friends, I would be VERY firm in letting her know that you’re completely happy with your appearance and that you WILL NOT be changing it for anyone unless you want to. If she can’t handle that then she can hit the road.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (28 February 2019):
 Honey, you do YOU. Nothing wrong in asserting yourself by saying that you are very happy with how you look and telling you any different is not going to change that.
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