A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a huge problem... I've been married for four years now. I love my husband and he loves me. We are both so busy so we sometimes don't have time for each other. But we still love each other and we know it. In the meantime, I'm studying and I have a really nice doctor for a lecturer. He is very nice and all hte girls in the class are crazy for him. He is four years older than me. And I noticed that he takes special notice of me in the class. Until he found out that I was married. Now, I feel like he is a bit distant in that way but still likes me a lot and is very nice. The problem is I feel like I have a crush on him. But I love my husband too. But I enjoy the attention I get from this guy. What can I do? I think I should not let my head get carried away and should look at my reality. I have a husband who loves me so much. I love him too. This guy may be a smart one who lives an interesting lifestyle and all that but I can't give in... am I right? Please don't be harsh. I really had no one else to talk to. Sometimes I wish I could just have him as a best friend... like a really close one. Maybe that's what I'm missing. I have no idea whatsoever to go off and sleep with him or something. But I enjoy the attention... and like him a lot. Please help...
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 February 2019):
 Try and arrange some date-night with your husband. If you don't get much time together... make the most of it.
As for the crush on your lecturer... it happens. We all get them, married or not. IT IS what you DO with those feelings of attractions that determine what kind of spouse/person you are.
You said, you never flirted and don't want to sleep with him, so good. He is JUST a guy you spend a lot of time in the "company off". But AS you have noticed you feel attracted to him, it's probably because you and your husband are (in lack of a better term) neglecting your marriage and each other. Which CAN lead to door wide open for extra marital affairs and the destruction of the marriage.
So, FIND things to DO with your husband when you HAVE toe time, and TRY and make time for him and you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2019): Hi, it's me, the one who wrote the post. Thank you for your comments. I appreciate that you guys took all the time to write it. I really do. But yes, when I said I love my husband, I meant it. And when I said that I don't want to sleep with my lecturer I meant that too. I never admitted that my lecturer is picking up on my signals. I just said he took special notice of me in class. I never knew why in the first place, and I'm very nice to him and respectful, just like i am with all my other lecturers... I never flirted with him. As for the second comment, you are so right. I realized that I am getting into such a routine now. I don't really have a life apart from studies and home. And my husband is busy all the time too... I really do appreciate all your advice though. Thank you very much. Oh, and I never meant to insult your intelligence or anything like that. Didn't mean it to come across like that... thank you. Your comments made me think a lot from many angles. Have a great day!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2019): Behave yourself, be a good student, and a faithful wife. Tell your husband that you feel neglected. You need more time, attention, and more loving.
Crushes are like fevers. They come, they spike, and they break with a sweat. Ice-water brings down the body-temperature!
When you have intimacy-problems, or lack something in your marriage; your spouse is who you turn to.
Frankly speaking; this sensation is strictly a feeling felt below the belt-line, my dear. You're contemplating cheating.
Now that the attention is waning, you feel compelled to compete with the single-ladies. Not a good idea! Somebody might tell!
I've got to be a little harsh, to act as an effective deterrent. If you don't want to be married anymore; better consider getting a divorce. Getting it on the side has nasty consequences, and the complications are rather severe.
If you have the boldness to flirt outside your marriage; grow the nerve to open-up to your husband. You have a mouth and a brain. You're a student, being taught to communicate and effectively apply your knowledge.
Just saying you love your husband doesn't prove you're faithful, or you mean it. Maybe you only mentioned that; because you felt that you should to avert harsh criticism. You wrote it, but it rings hollow when you read the rest of your post. I'm not going to criticize you, I'm just going to give you some firm advice. I can't sugarcoat it, if I want to help you fight the temptation. I've been there, and I love my man too!
Don't say you have no intention of sleeping with him. You've written a post about it. You're married, and you're fantasizing being best-friends (with benefits?)!!!
Sorry, you're not talking to stupid people here. Don't both insult our intelligence; and then tell us how to advise you! It's cheating, even if you never lay a finger on the guy; but you're fantasizing about him, and sending him signals. How would you know he likes you too? You've admitted he's picking up on them. You're being a tease and that's not good!
You want to be best friends? Yet you're admitting your head is getting carried away. It comes across more like an obsession heading for an affair.
Compose yourself, and take a few cold-showers.
I understand that the heart feels what it wants to feel. We can't always control passion like a mechanical-device with a switch or buttons; but we have have self-control over our impulses, in order to remain civilized human beings. We can't yield to every urge or temptation; and expect no consequences. If your lecturer respects the boundaries of your marriage, surely should you.
You got married because you decided you wanted only one man in your life as your lover, partner, and spouse. It's not a casual-relationship. Although you can't control what falls into your field of vision; you can control how your brain reacts, and how your body behaves to what you see. You can look, and resist temptation to touch or pursue. You can stay behind the barrier-line, and not flirt. Fake it, if you can't do it. It all depends on what signals you project, and how you're competing for his attention. Work hard and earn your grades!
Considering what is appropriate or inappropriate for a married-women; you know better. Consider also the promises you made at the alter; and the fact you'd kill hubby, if he cheated on you! Even if you thought he was just fantasizing about it! It would strain your trust and shake your marriage to the very core. For the sake of argument, you might claim you can understand how he feels; but second-thought and full-digestion of the possibilities won't sit well with you. Not for long!
You're too old to behave like a teenage-schoolgirl; and your weak excuse for your roving-eye doesn't cut-it.
Is it okay for your husband to seek refuge in the arms and attention of another woman?
Maybe you could discuss an open-marriage; since he can't cut-it as a loving and attentive husband. If you loved him as you say, you'd make time for each other; and he'd be the first to know your needs aren't being met.
To put it bluntly, you're horny for the teacher. Call it for what it is! Then you will look at it from the proper perspective. It's not innocent; if you're married, or you're not 16!
You shouldn't be getting "that kind of attention;" or worse, getting blatant flirtations from your professor. It's out-of-line and unethical. It's also frat-boy stupid!!!
Incidentally, he is forced to give you attention; when he has to stand at the head of the class or lecture hall and face his students. He's jeopardizing his career by acting out-of-line and unprofessional; while thinking from behind his zipper, instead of with the head that has a brain in it.
It takes a lot of audacity to suggest no one be harsh with you. Seriously?!! Just imagine your husband flirting with a shapely attractive woman; because you're not showing him enough attention. She might even be prettier, and more alluring than his wife. Who knows, maybe he is?
No, parish the thought! No-way, not your man! He has no right to! His wifey is being a good student, behaving like a very married-lady, and saving all her loving for the man she says she loves so much.
Not too harsh, but provocative enough to make you think!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2019): You can enjoy the attention, that’s ok. But enjoy it in the classroom setting only.If the lecturer has withdrawn a bit as you say it could be because he respects your marriage. What does it mean if a stranger respects your marriage to your husband more than you do? The point is you and your husband should be respectful to your marriage to each other first and foremost. Protect it because it’s precious. If you need more excitement beyond the classroom, then turn to your husband. Try to spark more of that feeling you get from your lecturer from your husband. Go on dates, have adventures. Tell him a little (not all!) of how you like attention and would like to get more from your husband. That way you can let your husband be the one to provide you with attention, love, excitement. Maybe you are getting into too much routine? Figure out what to do to focus more on making life with your husband more fulfilling. But don’t jeopardize what you have for something that is temporary.
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