A
female
age
30-35,
*francy
writes:hello friends.. am very worried, my one month boyfriend and i are very open to each other but the problem with me is he wants to know my friends and classmates.. he also want to know about my past ,he even told me hes going to make a research about me.. am now worried about what will happen after this has been done and does this means he does not trust me? or why do you think hes doing this?. what should i do please help me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 Sounds a bit creepy. Although perhaps his ex girlfriend hid some things from him that has made him a bit paranoid. Have you tried asking him about his past? And why he wants to know so much?
I suggest trying to reassure him that your past is fine (assuming there's nothing terrible in it), and hopefully he'll do his 'research' and then move on to other things.
If he keeps at it continuously then that's a problem, something he needs to get over (it's his problem not yours). But hopefully it won't come to that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Seems like he has trust issues. If he's wanting to know something he should ask you. If your words not good enough, then will it ever be? After a month of being together maybe you need to inquire what may have happened in his previous relationships that he's feeling this way
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 I agree with Laura1318, if you have nothing to hide why worry?
Some people who have been hurt/burned before are more cautious entering a new relationship, maybe taking the time to "investigate" your past will make him feel more "secure". Hard to say.
Honestly I think it's a sensible approach.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Well, the past is important to most people getting involved in a relationship. However, how much information they need varies depending on the length of the relationship and the seriousness.
Big ticket items, like having an STD, having children, being a former prostitute/porn star should be disclosed and up front immediately (not on the first date, but before you would become intimate).
Other items, like who you friends are and your sexual history need to be truthfully disclosed if you are contemplating a VERY serious relationship, like getting engaged, living together. Otherwise, it is NONE of his business only 1 month into dating.
I think you are getting into a problem relationship. Just my opinion, but to be so questioning and going to 'research' you so soon seems to be indications that he will never trust you or make it work with you. I would seriously re-think your getting involved with this guy.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 If you have nothing to hide,why be afraid ? Let him check all he wants.
If he does not like your past, then say goodbye to him!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 after one month only he does this?
I think if I were you I would be looking for a new boyfriend, somebody a little nicer and less of an arsehat!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): It's natural for him to want to get to know you. But, doing a "research" on you is going to far, especially after only a month or so.
Tell him, as kindly as you can, that it's okay that he wants to know about you, and you're willing to answer any questions he has, but it's not okay to be "researching" you, and it's overstepping your boundaries of privacy and personal space.
I hope this helps.
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