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My new boyfriend wants to meet my ex! I'm very nervous about this...

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 21 July 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

So, my boyfriend of about 15 months wants to meet my ex-boyfriend. I dated the ex for 8 years and we have a 6 year old together. The ex-boyfriend caused some major drama in the begining of the relationship which I did "sugar-coat" some things....... which all came out in the end and made me look like a liar. But now the new boyfriend wants to move in together, but first wants to meet the ex-boyfriend......... What should I do? The Ex-boyfriend is still very bitter that we are broken up and that I am in love with someone else. He said he would meet him, but I am very nervous!!!!!

View related questions: liar, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Okay well first of all, I never cheated on my daughter's dad. He was the cheater, hence why he is an EX. I didnt meet the new boyfriend til 4 months after I left my EX. So, sorry, i was not the cheater. : )

He had a history of cheating and I ALWAYS went back. EVERYTIME. So I was very honest with the new BF about the relationship and he is worried I will go back one day..... Not a chance. But yeah I guess you can say he doesnt trust me. Not on a cheating level thou. I am very loyal. I just think him waanting to meet him & his new chick is kinda werid. He doesnt think him & I will ever be RIGHT unless he meets him..... Kinda freaking me out a lil bit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009):

yep, your current bf doesn't trust you. i am guessing you cheated on the ex bf of 8 years with the current one? therefore he is bitter? maybe you both should just leave your ex alone. i think you have done enough already, don't you. just have contact for the kid's sake but stay away from each other? you don't seem to have any respect for the ex and i am sure he also wouldn't want to have unnecessary contact with you. i think you messed him around too much, after all he has a history with you and i think you really hurt him. perhaps try not to be in his life too much, it may just be like rubbing salt in ones wounds. as for the current bf, does he just want to ensure things are really over bet the two, is he trying to show the ex that he is THE ONE now in your life, or is he just trying to prove and control this mess you created. i think you are still (is the word) hankering for the ex, although you do not say it. maybe you still enjoy knowing that he still wants you. too much not being said here. too much of history with the ex, means a bond forever??? you need to be honest with yourself. just my opinion.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't think the ex is gunna do anything to cause drama. He does have a new girlfriend, who I haven't met or care to. Once she meets my daughter I think I will wanna meet her. The new boyfriend I think just wants to be sure there wont be any problems. There is def marriage in the future and I guess he just wants things to go smoothly.... He is worried I may go back to the ex or something. I am really unsure what the real reasons are for meeting him.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (20 July 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntSorry but that still doesn't make sense. He's going to have to put up with your ex since you have a child together. Your boyfriend just has to accept this and learn to live with it, and he will if he truly cares about you. What possible good will come from meeting up with him? Does he expect your ex to sign a paper guaranteeing no more drama? Not going to happen. Of course you realize that if the ex starts getting out of hand you can go get a restraining order against him.

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2009):

Starlights agony aunt

this probably isn't a good idea, and your gut instincts are telling u so.

its probably best u tell your bf now isn't the right time and your ex still has issues regarding you.

until things calm down then u can let the 2 of them meet amicably.

good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He wants to make sure that me and the ex are civil and that there is no drama. For example, my boyfriend and I were asleep at my apartment and the ex boyfriend showed up at my apartment at 12 midnight all drunk. My boyfriend doesn't want things like that to happen if we move in together. My ex is very dramatic and still wants to be with me. I guess my boyfriend just wants to make sure he wont cause any problems? I don't know.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (20 July 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntWhy does he want to meet the ex? Does he need a credit reference? I mean come on, this sounds rather weird to me.

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