A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I look after myself and love sex and intimacy. I have met a guy who after a few attempts admits he has ED and it feels numb and he hardly masturbates. It caused a rift in his marriage and viagra didnt work and his hormone levels are normal. I had the same situation with my ex. He had low hormone levels and no drive and didnt think about sex much. We became friends.I really like this new guy. Im falling for him. He adores me and said he fancies me but his penis feels disconnected and its sad but if I want sex I may need to leave him. Hes willing to please me other ways but I want a real sex life. Already we are using a vibrator but its not the same.
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my ex, sex drive, sex life, viagra, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (19 February 2016):
 I think you have some serious thinking to do.
It sounds like your boyfriend knows he has a problem, has sought medical help and hasn't found success.
That leaves you with only a few choices:
1) Have him get a second medical opinion. There may be a solution to his problems. Also take a look at his diet. If he is overweight, depressed, or eats poorly (with no exercise), it could be a lifestyle issue.
2) Learn to live with what he can do. I think while you love him, that feeling will likely fade and his willingness to provide pleasure while he gets very little in return will also dissipate. Is sex something you are willing to shelve for the duration of this relationship?
Sadly, you really don't have an easy solution here. I do believe only you can decide whether he is worth the sacrifice as a person, or not.
Eddie
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 February 2016):
 My advice is for him to see a urologist ASAP. It could be something serious like prostate cancer or something like that
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): Im OP. Yes the first thing I asked was if he went to his GP with his ex wife. No progress was ever made despite his wish to have a sex life.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 Has he been to a doctor for help? Tell him that you do understand his problem but that sex is important to you and that maybe he should seek help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): Indeed, you have experience of this type of relationship... If it's still early days now is the time to decide stay or go before it hurts even more.I'm in a relationship without sex, not by choice because I have a high sex drive! In the early days we were both "rabbits" but then life happened, a whole lot of it! I still crave it but he has no interest and surprisingly, guess what? I've accepted it for now, or however long it takes, even if forever, why? Because he is worth it. Yes, I got myself a keeper. Some may think he has money? No, not that either. What does he have? A heart of gold. I searched my heart and soul, and he is the one. No matter what, were in it together. So we can't have sex, he is still very loving, lots of hugs, holding hands, spending time together and shows he loves me every other way that counts and having him in my life IS the best thing that's ever happened to me, so I celebrate that and focus on what we have, rather than what we don't. So evaluate your feelings for him, and is he worth it for not having intimacy? Only you can decide what matters most to you. If you can't see yourself never having it again, then perhaps move on to allow someone into your life that is able to enjoy intimacy with you too!Good luckAnonymous ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): Ask him how much online porn he has been watching - it can really wreck a guy's ability to have sex.
The other possibility is that he has baggage in his head from his previous marriage, meaning he has not fully dealt with his feelings around what happened there. I found that when I went from my first wife to my next girl friend that it was very difficult, but eventually it worked out good.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 February 2016):
 You already have the experience to answer this question. I've been in a mismatched Drive relationship before and I would live as a hermit before I would start another. It has nothing to do with his physical problem and everything to do wing the organ between his ears. He is not going to find the ways that exist to make his erection reliable, if he isn't interested in using it.
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