A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Not really sure where to start with this one but here it goes...s I'm dating two men; one is extremely nice to me and loving and complementary. He buys me little things like roses and we have a good relationship. he's there for me if I need him, however I'm not really attracted to him and he does have issues that I don't like -maturity issues mostly he's a bit younger than me he kind of lives like a frat guy. Oh and he Ubers everywhere instead of driving...Guy 2. I'm extremely attracted too him and extremely inspired by we are in the same business and we have a lot of mutual friends. when I'm with this man I always feel that I am with someone at my level he can give more to me experience wise however he doesn't really want to be in a committed relationship yet and he never really complements me or make me feel loved. He does send me mixed messages and does want me around and tells me he's just a little afraid so I don't know what to do because I don't want to wait forever and I don't want to be alone do I sound super codependent and horrible?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 I agree with the uncles and aunt here.
NEITHER are right for you.
Guy #1 needs to grow up, you can't do that for him. And you are NOT physically attracted to him, so DON'T string him along. It's not fair. Even if you did decide to go for #1 over #2 attraction wouldn't just "show up". It's not there because he isn't a good fit for you.
Guy #2 likes to have you around. BUT you are NOT listening to what he is saying. And he has said:" he doesn't really want to be in a committed relationship." And if THAT is what you want - HE IS NOT the one for you either. Just because he throws out enough "mixed signals" to KEEP you around doesn't mean he isn't AWARE of what he is doing or that he might... change his mind. He isn't stupid. He knows what you are looking for and he knows that is not what he wants, but... you are nice to have around (until you start to make demands or want more).
So all in all, by stringing guy #1 around and yourself after #2 you are SO wasting your time on BOTH men.
What is really so scary about being alone that you rather be with the WRONG guy?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 Maybe none of the two guys are the right guy for you? If you are not completely happy with either off them then I would finish seeing both off them. Yes it can be scary being alone but it might give you a better chance off meeting the right guy. Also guy number one seems pretty smitten, I think you need to let him go before you do some serious damage to him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 February 2016):
 I think that "....because I don't want to wait forever and I don't want to be alone..." is about the WEAKEST EXCUSE that a woman (or, man) could EVER offer for "settling" for a partner who may not be right for them......
Consider; ALONE is not a bad concept, compared to "WHAT was I thinking when I took up with this guy... who I now know is a JERK?"
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 February 2016):
 Simple, You want the excitement of knowing he is an aggressive Alpha, always looking for a bigger and better deal. And you want him totally smitten with you so he will never actually find a bigger or better deal. All you have to do is be the best at everything, forever. I know plenty of women who do this successfully. You will need to stop using the nice guy.
Or, you can tell the Nice guy to get the Book No More Mr. Nice Guy and to step up his Game. At heart he is already smitten with you. He desires nothing more than to be in a mutually faithful exclusive relationship. You will have to give up the Hot guy, and start rethinking "your level".
FA
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A
male
reader, tommyrba +, writes (18 February 2016):
This is a difficult one as neither person is giving you what you want out of the relationships and so probably best to tell them that you would rather be friends if you dont feel that those issues can be resolved.
Now although this will leave you feeling alone for a short period of time, it does mean you are free and clear of conscience to move on and start dating someone new who can better fulfill your requirements.
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