A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My new man will not get hard for me. After making out, kissing, touching...nothing. I did a sexy dance for him and thought it was working when I spotted something in his pants...but after finishing, I realised it was only my imagination! He was not at all hard. He says he enjoyed it though.The only time he can get it up is when I give him a blowjob. Or I after he's fingered me and really wanting sex soon! And even then, he likes for me to quickly suck him before he enters. He is only 23. I'm 19. We're young! What is happening to him? Does he worry? He seems pretty confident, and is way more sexually experienced than I am.I am starting to feel undesirable. I'm starting to doubt my attractiveness to him. I am even starting to question whether his lack of attraction has anything to do with the fact that I am of a different race to him..?This guy, while new, seems to like me. He always messages me about his day after work and we chat for hours online. He thinks I'm 'funny, smart, mature and cute'.I'm starting to doubt his words. Could he be using me just for sex?Is it normal for a young male to not be evidently aroused by his partner?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd also like to add that I consider my body to be pretty good-looking. I might be slightly short and on the slimmer side, but I'm very happy with my overall image. The only excpetion being my small breasts. I'm okay with them and like them, but sometimes worry about how a male will perceive them.
Yes, I'm darker than him. This was not a problem before. I hardly would even take into account the difference when with him and we always make silly jokes about it. But now because of this new attraction issue, my mind is pointing out all sorts of insecure questions such as, "What if he's more used to feeling straight, soft hair..?" "What if my vagina looks strange to him?" Now I understand that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't appreciate these differences, but like I said, my mind wonders...
I'm usually quite excited at the prospect of giving him a blowjob. I think about it all the time and wonder how to make it better for him. However, I admit that when he actually ASKS me to do it, I don't feel so good about it any longer. Like it's rude of him to expect it in such a way. Oral seems so giving to me. I want to give, but not be demanded. He doesn't push, but still. Also, I'm still learning with blowjobs, and often battle with my gag reflex, but during the act, I enjoy seeing how it affects him.
He has been in a 2 yr LTR before so I think he could be aware about the emotional issues. It's something we're still working on and I think would even make sex so much better. Plus put my worries to rest. I don't know him well enough to say I actually love him (it's only been 4 weeks) but I definitely have strong feelings for him. I don't want to scare him away either. He tells me he likes me all the time. But I think we're both scared to discuss it any further...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 October 2014):
 Having a desire for sex or release in the mind is separate from getting an erection. A teen virgin boy having anticipations of meeting a date the first time can get hard just by holding hands. Same as a 30 year old man who has been single for years and getting in the dating market. It is not so surprising that a man who's given regular sex needs direct stimulation to get a hard on. This is not about his attraction to you. If he's not attracted to you he wouldn't be dating with you. As he is experienced and seems confident he doesn't feel he has trouble getting a girl so he would not be staying with you just so that he's alone. I am guessing you have darker skin while he has lighter skin. If racial issues seem to be a problem then you might have to rethink the relationship but I doubt this is the problem. You may feel like you are not getting the fair deal because of your differences in experience. I am also wondering if you are not enjoying blowjobs and feel cheapened by the action. You are still funny, smart, mature and cute to him while you go down to him. A blowjob is to help facilitate sex. No decent man wants you to feel degraded since it can be a loving action. You may feel comfortable when you get to the stage where you both love each other. Right now you are learning about each other. Just have to make sure he is able to satisfy you emotionally as well. It is normal to have doubts but it is important to see him as he is and not let your insecurities distort the real him. He has experience with sex but not in long term relationships, so you may have a thing or two to teach him too. You can teach him how to relate to you, and that's the crucial thing because he only needs one woman at this moment.
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