A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi readers, I'm really in a mess. Belong to India and I am a Hindu. My bf is a Roman Catholic. His parents want me to convert and my parents are dead against getting converted. We both really love each other but due to caste issues, we both are getting tensed. Both parents are not ready to budge and as a result we both won't be able to marry. We both love our parents who have given us everything. Is there really a way to work things out? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your replies, would speak to my bf and I think we would have to be honest with parents. Hope everything works well. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): Can you tell the background. People in your and his family. Their natures. How did you two meet.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 October 2014):
I sympathise with what must be a dreadful dilemma for you both, having to choose between your love for each other and your love for your parents. It sounds like the religious and cultural objections to your being together are very deep and entrenched and it’s hard to see your families coming around any time soon. The only approach you can take is to be direct and honest with them, to tell them how much the rejection hurts you and how deep your love for each other is. I think you should also be clear that you respect each other’s religious differences and that neither of you are rejecting the beliefs of your family. Tell them you understand how difficult accepting this is but how much it would mean to you if they could try. This is a conversation each of you need to have separately with your parents, and if you haven’t been this direct with them before, you should. You should make sure they understand the hurt you feel and the sadness caused by them not accepting your choices, but you should be patient with them and acknowledge the difficulties they have coming to terms with this. I’m afraid if they can’t get past this for your sake, you may both have to live with this rejection or not be together. I think that what I’ve described is, for both of you, the last throw of the dice and I really do hope it works. Take care and support each other through this.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): Im so sorry this is happening to you. You and your boyfriend must feel dreadful. However, you are both adults and as such your parents do not have any say in your lives or relationships.
I understand that you do not want to upset them or break all contact, but you do have the right to choose for yourselves. Firstly, be certain that this is what you want and discuss everything with your future husband as to how you will both handle your religious beliefs together as a couple. Be especially clear about any children of your marriage. My Aunt and Uncle were of different faiths, both very devout and they decided to visit my Aunts church in the mornings and my Uncles in the evenings, together. They had no children and everything worked out well for them. Infact, when my Uncle passed away both clergy officiated at his funeral service. If you can both see a clear way forward then try to speak with your families.
Sit down with your parents and tell them that you are getting married and that you hope they will be happy for you. It will then be their choice what they do next. You do need to be prepared for them to cut you from their lives, but if you are determined to marry you must expect this.
Overtime, your families will come to accept your choice. You are their child no matter what age you are and they will always love you. Slowly they will come around to the situation.
Should you have any children, I can only imagine your families will want to see their grandchild. That is the most natural thing in the world. If you are estranged, send them notice of the impending birth and when baby arrives, send them photos. Keep sending news and pictures like a little newsletter to your families every few months. Be sure to include drawings from your child, no matter how young they are. Few grandparents could resist that.
Be sure of your and your boyfriends feelings before you make any decisions. This will affect the rest of your lives.
If you decide to part, then Im sorry. I hope you find a way forward.
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