A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My nephew turned 24 years old this year and he announced to everyone via Facebook that he is transitioning to a woman. He has started hormone therapy, growing his hair our, and dressing like a woman. His mom (my sister-in-law) claims that he is being advised by a therapist/psychologist. The thing is that he still lives at home, never held a paying job, has been drifting through junior college, and was diagnosed at a young age with being on the autism/Aspberger's spectrum. As a result of his disability he hasn't had many friends and his life has been really difficult to say the least. He has made a lot of progress just to be able to interact somewhat normally and even just to eat typical foods. There were years when all he would eat was pizza and spaghetti noodles. He has made so much progress since then!He has always been very sensitive and effeminate and we speculated from early on that he was homosexual. He met his first (and only) girlfriend online. That person turned out to be a transgender (used to be a male). They met a few times in person but it didn't work out. At the time he told me he was asexual. Later he said pansexual, which is a term that doesn't mean anything to me. How is that different from bisexual?When he announced he was transgender, though, that was a shock. I feel like he was influenced by his transgender girlfriend. I also feel like it this is in reaction to him not really fitting into the straight male gender role. He hates sports, loves art, and so on. So I can see why he would not identify as a man. However, I am not sure that means he needs to be a woman in response. I have known a few transgender individuals in my life and things were very difficult for them. They experienced a lot of hatred and discrimination. In addition, the hormone therapy caused a lot of health problems. None of them ended up happy and one of them died young as a result of the health issues. If I felt my nephew had explored all of his options and came to this conclusion I'd be a lot more supportive. However, I feel like he is somewhat sheltered and was influenced by his transgender girlfriend who was his only love interest and one of his only close friends.When I was young I thought I was homosexual or maybe bisexual. I hated male stereotypes. I didn't fit in. The girls I liked didn't like me, but some pretty boys did. I was confused up until the point I actually became sexually involved with a woman and then I realized it couldn't be like that with a man. I am not saying that it needs to happen the same way with my nephew but I don't think he has the experience to make a good decision about something so important. Therefore, I am really concerned. How do I support his decision and at the same time reconcile that with my concerns? It is really difficult for me, because I am worried he is making a mistake and maybe he is mistaking his homosexual feelings for being transgender. Remember, he is autistic so there is this extra level of concern I have about it that maybe I wouldn't otherwise have...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2020): Didn't you mention he was being advised by a therapist/psychologist? I think a licensed-professional is qualified and capable of addressing any psychological-issues that require treatment or therapy. That's their gig! They are qualified to counsel and treat individuals with autism as well!
I don't suggest you judge your nephew by your own feelings and behavior; but that doesn't mean you can't offer him/her support, or some homespun advice based on your own experience. I don't suggest that you try to talk him/her out of what s/he's doing; because it would most likely force him/her to have to prove something. You suspect there is someone else who has a powerful influence over her; who would likely counter any attempt to change her mind. S/he has made a decision, and he'll simply have to deal with the consequences. He is an adult, and he is making a life-changing decision.
Many times, people don't know what they're doing; until they have to live with their choices. That's an unfortunate reality of life. I myself have known a few men who have undergone gender-reassignment; I don't know anyone of them who was truly able to assimilate into society fully accepted as a woman. They learned to adapt to their situation, and they seem to live life as they please. Whether they are happy is up for debate. If I had to judge by what I've seen, I can't say they are with certainty. Everyone has their problems. I know there is a high incidence of alcoholism and drug-abuse in the transgender-community. More attributed to poverty, their abused and difficult childhoods; and dealing with family-rejection. Society as a whole rejects them; and I will not exclude even the gay-community.
S/he feels s/he has found the thing in his/her life that would bring him/her happiness and contentment. S/he has undergone all the preliminaries; and s/he seems pretty much on his/her way. You can safely use the feminine-pronouns in reference to your nephew; but for literary purposes, and to avoid any presumption, I will be ambiguous.
I know your concerns for your nephew is out of love; but to be bluntly honest, it is none of your business.
I have known instances where transgender-individuals didn't go as far as genital surgical-reconstruction. Either due to the high cost of surgery, or maybe they weren't absolutely sure they might change their minds. They want to maintain the option to revert back to living as a male; or wish to fully enjoy sexual-pleasure with everything in-tact. There are transgender-women who are attracted to women. It does not follow they are stereotypically homosexual, and arbitrarily decide they want to be women. It goes far deeper than that; and it's not the same for everyone. Each has their own life-story and unique set of experiences.
He is under professional-therapy, and that should give you some measure of reassurance and peace of mind. Life is a struggle no matter what your gender or sexual-orientation is. S/he has survived thus far. Making decisions as an adult, and apparently very much ready to deal with them.
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (23 December 2020):
 Try to remember that it is not your place to judge or chose what makes him happy! be happy for him that he won't spend his life in the closet and in a fake marriage like many have and still do just to make their family happy:(
Just learn to accept him like he accepts you( no offence but I'm sure you're not "perfect" either)
All the best and Happy Holidays!!
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