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My mum wants to rule my life and ruin my relationship, what do I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 19 January 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I really love my boyfriend, we have been in the relationship for 3 months, my mum found out that me and him have been having oral sex. And now she keeps trying to split us up. About a month ago she ordered me to dump him but I just couldn't do it. I'm 14 and he's 13 but I don't understand her problem, I'm only 10 months older than him. both of us could get into the same year at school.(if we had differnt birth dates) But because He's year 9 mum has such a problem with it.

The other day she found out I had been spending time with him at the cinema. She told me the other day that I'm a sex addict when we don't do it all the time but she seems to think it. Whenever I try to explain anything to her she just doesn't care and keeps with her own thoughts without considering mine. Now she has grounded me and wants to escort me everywhere I go. I really don't know what to do because this means we will only be able to see each other at school.

I love him too much to lose him but I don't know what to do!

View related questions: escort, oral sex, sex addict

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009):

Hi... I'm the poster who said "14 is too young for cocksucking." I'd like to apologise to you. My answer was insensitive and dismissive.

Your response, how ever was very mature. I'm impressed. So, lets discuss this in an adult manner... considering you're choosing to act like one.

I'm only apologising for dismissing you like a naughty child. I still stand in the same position I did- I still think it's wrong to be doing that so young. I know you say girls start menstruating at that age- but how does that mean they're ready? Are you listening carefully to the reasoning? If one is ready to have sex at 13/14 is one then also ready to have babies? Hey, shouldn't one then move out and get a job to boot?

I just think you should tread carefully. Sex has innumerable emotional and spiritual consequences than you could dream of.

I know its your body... thats why you should value it more than just giving it to strangers. You're playing a dangerouse game.

just something to chew on...

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A female reader, XxAnGelXxx United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2008):

XxAnGelXxx agony auntIf you want your mum to understand the whole situation, but when you speak to her she has none of it, write her a letter. That way she can't interrupt you and she can read it a few times over, maybe It'll drill it into her head that you want to be with this boy, who you really do feel strongly for. I know whenever i've wanted my mum to understand something going on with me which she didn't, i'd do exactly that, and a very large majority of the time it'd work :) I hope it all goes well for you huni :) x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

13/14 too young, I agree with the other poster. You got your whole life to get involved with people and have sexual relationships. I don't understand why kids your age want to rush into these things. Why not act like a kid? No I'm not an old person, I'm 19 and things have changed a lot in 6 years. When I was your age, people doing things like that were a certain type of people. Chavs.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

the aw means nothing.

GIrls start periods at a certain age which means their body is ready, and then you have to wait to be mentaly ready.

As me and my boyfriend have discussed this we both agreed we are ready in both ways so we dont belive that age matters.

Sorry but i dont agree with your advice.

Thanks anyway

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

Fourteen is too young to be cock sucking. Your mum's right. End of story

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the advice :) i shall try it :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

Your mum is just being the protective parent and to find your 14 year old daughter is having oral sex at her age and with a 13 year old is a shock to any parent. She isn't trying to hurt you but she is trying to protect you and trust me that is all she is doing because she loves you. It doesn't seem fair now but once you get that little bit older you'll realise how young you really were. You need to sit down and talk to your mum bring up an agreement such as you'll stop the oral sex and any physical contact but kissing at least then you might have a chance at seeing each other which is better then having oral sex and not seeing each other. You need to regain your mum's trust back and this may take some time but it'll happen.

Good luck

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