A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 and have just started University. On my course and around University campus, I have met a few guys who seem friendly. We became friends and I decided to hang out with them but they seem to only want to be in contact with me because they intend to have sex with me. Thing is, I am not quite prepared for that part yet. I'd like to remain friends with them but don't want to feel used, and worry that if we don't 'talk sex' then they will dump me. Please help.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 December 2008):
You are in contact with a large number of guys at uni and so a large number who are attracted to you are going to come up and chat to you and try and be your friend because they want to be with you sexually.
However if you give it some time then many of them will start to see you as a friend.
Some will only be interested in you as a girlfriend but just take it as a compliment and move on. As long as you are meeting new people you will soon have lots of friends.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Don't dismiss them outright. It's normal for guys to want to have sex. You're not dating them, right? Important: make sure you're picking up your own tab. I know girls who give mix signals to guys for free lunches and then wonfer why the guys are thinking that the relationship is more than friends: that's what I call using people. Just say, not interested - just friends, ok. Guys have fragile egos, and they'll move on to someone else if they're looking for something other than friendship. By the way, guys do enjoy women as friends. That's how my wife and I started out:) We were long-time friends, seeing eachother for lunch, now 'n again, then after a three year lapse, we met, had a great dinner, and even better dessert:)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 You already know what you want, stick by it.
I have had male friends all my life and I always been able to maintain a certain decorum when hanging out with the guys. Not that they wouldn't try and hit on me from time to time, but I think if you are honest and up front it is possible to have male friends.
Funny enough my best male friend ended up dating and married my best friend. I lost one or two male friends over the course of time, one because I didn't want a relationship with him and one because his GF was jealous, I just kept my distance.
Maybe the guys you are getting to know are looking for a relationship, not friendship.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (30 December 2008):
if they only want to have sex with you, then they are not going to be interested in you after the sex. they are obviously trying to butter you up so they can use you and get what they want. you need to make it very clear to them that they have no chance and that they are dicks! then keep away from them. they are not friends if they are trying to get in your pants.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 I agree with the last answer. You'll regret it if you don't listen to that little voice in your head. Losing their approval won't be half as devastating as losing your own sense of self respect. Prioritise accordingly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Just carry on being yourself and who you are. Don't let any man make you go against how you feel. If you aren't ready to talk sex or have sex just don't. If they try to be this way with you explain this to them and if they can't accept it they aren't worth it. Give them space to think and I'm sure they'll decide on their own what they want.
Good luck
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