A
female
age
30-35,
*oveJoy
writes:My mum and dad are divorced and i have a new step brother who is 15. My mum seems to dislike me for some reason and i have treated her a bit unfairly over the years but she seems to act jealous of me or something. Recently she asked me to go on holiday with just her and my two younger siblings, i said i would like to but my dad sed no because of my attendance at school i had 1 week before i achieved 100%, but anyway, afterwards my mum who had just spoken to my dad about it said in a text to me well u arent going to get the award if ur report said u had 99.3%, i replied yes, thts tru but that report is for last term. My mum hasn't spoken to me for a while and now i have found out she is taking my step brother on holiday with the family, we haven't known my step brother for long. Is my mum disowning me? Does she care? Is it my fault? Please Help!!!
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female
reader, LoveJoy +, writes (27 July 2008):
LoveJoy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Some of you are asking what i did to my mum to upset her, well, about a year ago i was having trouble trying to keep both of my parents happy and i just cudn't say no to either of them so instead i lied and my mum found out. This made me ill a lot of the time. I got over that eventually, but, my mum hasn't and I think she lacks trust in me and because i was always feeling ill, now if i get ill she practically tells me off. My Mum Doesn't really like my dad anyway and i think that sometimes she uses me to get to him...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Probably thinking about the way that you bring it up with your mother will help this have a happy outcome.Perhaps if you let her know that you feel bad because you would have liked to go on holiday too. Also that you're concerned that you may have hurt her feelings by refusing to go on holiday with her because of your dad's advice about the award. Most of all, let her know that when she won't speak to you, you know she's not happy and it gives you a miserable feeling, and you would like her help in fixing the situation. Finally remember that planning holidays isn't easy for us old folks. Your mum may only have been able to plan a certain week off from work, or been able to get a bargain price for the trip for that time only. Perhaps she was really looking forward to going on the trip with you and your siblings and already bought tickets/made reservations, so when you didn't want to go she had an empty space to fill. Don't read too much into it! Anyway, no child can be replaced by another in a mother's heart. It can only be good that your mother is building a relationship with her stepson, and it doesn't mean that there won't be any room for you.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (25 July 2008):
 No, she's not jealous of you. And no, she's not disowning you.
You know very well that teenagers, almost all teenagers, are difficult - by which I mean that they don't see eye-to-eye with their parents. That's natural. It's all about testing the boundaries and asserting your new status as an almost-adult. You said yourself that you've treated your mother unfairly over the years.
Well, now she's treating you like an adult. You don't HAVE to be part of every family trip. You are your own person, and that's just how you are being treated.
As for your stepbrother being taken "instead" of you, I doubt whether it's "instead of" at all. You said "we haven't known my stepbrother very long". So, in all likelihood, your mother wants to use this opportunity to bond, to get closer, and that's easier to do if you aren't there treating her and everyone else "unfairly".
Don't stress about it. Family love is family love. Mothers don't disown their children (and neither do fathers) unless you do something totally unforgivable - and even then it has to be pretty high up the scale of unforgivableness! Of course she cares. She cares much more than you would realise, and much more than she shows. Step back a bit and accept it this time. Show her, and everyone else, that you can be mature and sensible about this. The "I'd like to go, but it's OK" attitude is what's needed here. You can do it if you try.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I'd be interested to know exactly how you treated your mother unfairly over the years.
If you've pissed her off intensely, she probably feels she ought to piss you off as well. More details required I reckon!
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A
female
reader, LoveJoy +, writes (25 July 2008):
LoveJoy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that, but I am quite scared of my own mum and she has a bit of a temper, so its difficult to speak to her but thanks anyway.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 July 2008):
I don't know what is going on in her head but I don't think she realises how much she is hurting you.
I think you need to talk to her face to face and ask her if she wants to dis-own you. Tell her how you feel and ask her if she wants to be in your life or not.
Hopefully she will realise what she has been doing and then explain that she loves you and has been distant because of something else.
Good Luck!! xx
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