A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well i was with my bf for a whole year. he two years older than me but we have known each other for years. I knew him from when i was in year 7 (grade 7) and he was year 9, now im in year 11 and have been with him since the begining of year 10. He was spose to be seeing me 7 weeks ago to give me some leaflets his dad got me, so i would of seen him 10 mins as it was his dads birthdaii and he txt me saiin he going to give them to me the nxt daii coz tht morning his mum woke him up to tell him she found another lump, ie, cancer. Which if it was my mum i would saii the same. Anywaii my mum went mad because she thinks he has let me down so she rung him up saiin if u come anywhere near shona again al ring the police. Bit extreme right?Anywaii, she told me not to speak to him until im 16 which isnt till March, but i spoke t him last night and he saiis to me, "shona al wait 5 months is nothing, just think of it as a long break just think when we get back together no one can stop us from being together and we will be in seperable." This made me feel happy to know he is waiting for me. My mum saw the convo and went on facebook to him telling him if he has any contact with me then she will go round to his house. She thinks he is a weirdo because im the first girl he has snogged/ made out with, and that he is shy around my parents, even though he has never met anyones parents. He revises 5 hours a night for college as he has to re do his english and maths and he is doing level 2 ict and he is doing his driving lessons. Which is another reason for my mum believing he is 'weird'. She tells me to find a boyfriend who care bout they're career, who loves me for who I am, who hasnt been in fights, who loves they're family, who dosnt smoke, do drugs or drink, and now i have found him she brakes us up. I keep crying and she tells me off telling me to grow up and get over him but like ive been with him a year and it's been 6 weeks since she has done this. She wants me to move in with my dad now! She said when im 16 i can get back with him but because i have spoken to him she is now saing i can wait till im 18 which i know i can't do i want to be with him. He is telling me he loves me and he will wait however long it will take which he told me last night, but i reli miss him and love him so much, i have never felt this waii b4. My mum had ago at me because me and Danny spoke bout marrage and having kids. Whats wrong with that?Im not aloud to be mardy or cry coz she has ago at me, i jst cry myself to sleep everynight, hugging the teddy he bought me. She is telling me to delte his facebook and mobile number and now his msn addy so we have no contact. I just miss him so much. :( I don't know what to do. I wrote on my facebook ' I Miss You' and she said if i have anything like tht on my facebook again she will make me delete my facebook account.She thinks he will turn out like my father, as he beat up my mum cheated on her and that, she think Danny will be like tht when he is nothign like my dad, Danny has nvr been in a fight, drunk, smoked, or cheated. Please help I don't know what to do ! Pleasee!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 October 2009):
 You should wait until YOU are ready, which may be 16, 17 or maybe later - not until you cant be told off by your parents! Geez. Sex isnt a race - its not about being the first to lose your virginity. And if you rush it, you will regret it. Teenage romances very rarely last. I know it feels like he is the one, but in reality he isnt. In 10 years, you will be with someone else. Personally, I still think you should concentrate on your schooling. You are 15 (?), and you probably wont agree with me, but boys should be at the bottom of your list of priorities at the moment. YOU are the most important thing.Year 11 is tough. This is where the last 11 years of your life have led to. All those years at school have been heading towards this. Your final compulsory year at school. IF you fail your GCSE's because you are more worried about your boyfriend, you will have no life. No one will employ you with bad qualifications. You will have no money, no prospects. So, you can either act like a spoilt teenager, and have a hissy fit that your mum wont let you see your boyfriend, OR you can act like an ADULT, and show your mum that you are capable of being MATURE and putting the more important things first. Growing up and being an adult is hard. As an adult you have to make sacrifices, and a lot of the time you have to do things that you rather wouldnt. CHILDREN cry, sulk and make a fuss about this, adults just get on with it.Yes, you might not like the fact your mother has stopped you seeing this boy, and I would like to know why she is being so extreme. BUT I think there may be more to this whole situation that you are not telling us. You need to focus on school, and like it or not, that is the most important thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have had no sexual contact. Both me and my boyfriend want to wait tillim 16 for all the good reason, no matter how tempted we are we wont do it as we know it will be special when i turn 16, not having to worry abot parents etc.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 October 2009):
This is difficult, as all parents want to do is the best for their children, and she may well think she is helping you from making the same mistakes she did, but actually going completely the wrong way about it.
I do not condone her actions in any way, I feel she has handled it badly, but what was the catalyst for her to start hating your boyfriend in the first place? Parents generally do not react like this for no reason. If you have been dating a year, why all of a sudden has she decided he is weird, and is now trying to protect you from him? Does she know something you dont?
I think you need to talk to her and find out WHY she thinks he is weird.
I am going to play devils advocate now - you have only given us your side of this story, but issues like this are ALWAYS down to both parties.
You say she has banned you from seeing him until you are 16. Have you been caught trying to have sex? Have you been having sex with him? Because this can be a major issue for a lot of parents. Not only is it against the law (all sexual contact under the age of 16, including ORAL is illegal), but also parents think that they have failed their child by not protecting them from the adult world. Im not saying this is the problem she has, but it could be a factor.
She may think that you are getting too emotionally involved with this guy. At the end of the day, if you are only 15, and already talking about marriage and kids, you really need to step back a bit and take off the rose coloured glasses. I am not saying it will not happen, but on the whole at that age it will not last. Your Mum may well be thinking that you are planning on throwing your life away, getting married young, getting pregnant young, and then if he leaves, you are left on your own. No job, no prospects, no life, with a baby in tow. I know it seems unfair to you at the moment, but this is how parents think - they worry that their children are throwing their lives away before they have a chance to live them.
She may also be worrying about your school work. As teenage girls are notorious for falling in love and then getting too involved and not concentrating on school work. They spend too much time obsessing over the boy, talking to the boy, (msn, facebook,texting,calling, seeing, going out - maybe she thinks you spent too much time talking to him, and not enough time doing work). You are in Year 11 - GCSE's next summer. They are make or break for doing A levels, and then on to Uni or getting a good job. If you mess them up because you are "sooooo in love" and more obsessed with your boyfriend, again you could be wrecking your life before its begun for someone who may not be around in 2 years time. As a teacher, this is something I see all the time - when the girls start to get boyfriends, the marks go down. Their brains are just not on the job. I also can see a lot of errors in your question... spelling, grammar (daii? Saii? waii? reli? aloud (allowed) brake (break) I could go on....) please, grow up and start using English rather than slang. It will get you nowhere!!
You need to talk to your Mother as to why she has had such an extreme reaction to your boyfriend, but I also think YOU need to understand and accept why she may be so against your relationship. Maybe you need to grow up a little bit, and realise that boyfriends are nice, but they are not your WHOLE life at this age. Maybe she felt that the only way to get you to see sense was to literally ban you from seeing him. Extreme, but she may have tried more tactful measures which you may have completely ignored, or chose to do what you wanted anyway. You need to concentrate on you, getting your exams, and creating the groundwork for a good career. Do you want to be in a situation in 10 years time, where you have a boyfriend, possibly kids, but no job, no career, no money?
Think about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): That's a really tough situation. I do think that she is being a bit unreasonable, and it doesn't sound like she's willing to listen. I do think in her heart and head she thinks she's doing what's best for you - protecting you from someone hurting you the way she got hurt. However, she's not willing to consider that maybe THIS guy isn't like that. She's controlling every aspect of your relationship with him (phone, facebook, MSN, etc.) which I find to be very unfair, but you're young still and I'm sure she feels she's doing what's best.I agree with CaringGuy, you need to sit down and calmly talk things out with her, make sure you don't go in there upset and mad at her (even if you are) but are mature and listen to what she has to say, and hopefully she will do the same. Ask why she thinks he's like this, the reasons you mentioned as to why she thinks he's weird don't indicate anything suggesting he will be abusive or a cheater or anything. Listen to what she has to say, and ask her to put herself in your situation. She was your age once, she should remember how she would have felt if her mum did that to her. Remind her that although you are trying to understand that she's looking out for you by controling how you contact this boy and everything, she can't control your feelings - either about him, or about being upset about losing him or what she's doing. Try your best to remain calm when you talk, it'll help if there aren't accusations flying around everywhere. Basically, all I did is expand on CaringGuy's advice, sorry, I know that's not super helpful.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 October 2009):
Sit your mother down and ask her why she is acting like this. Be patient and listen to her. Ask her calmly why she feels that he is a bad guy. You need to talk to her about this.
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