A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mom has these outdated ideas about relationships/dating/sex. She’s not a strict person but when it comes to these things she’s very prude. I stayed over at my bf’s house the other night. The day before I told her where I would be spending the night…she didn’t say anything. When I returned home the next day she didn’t even say hello to me. She’s not talking to me, avoids eye contact and if I ask her something she replies in one word answers. I asked her what was wrong, if I’d done something to upset her and she says that nothing is wrong…but I’m not stupid, I can see she’s upset.I don’t know what to do. She’s met my boyfriend before and he’s an amazing guy. I don’t know what her problem is…especially when she won’t talk to me and ignores me. I think she has this idea that a couple should be married before sharing a bed but that’s her world and not mine.I can’t move out just now (I’m paying off the mortgage with my parents) and I wouldn’t want to just leave like that because my parents and I have been through a lot together and I don’t want to lose that over something petty like this.I don’t know what to do…I can’t talk to her because she won’t listen to me. This is killing me on the inside. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Thanks for all the answers. My mother is not religious at all. And no I would not lie to her as to where I'm going, that's why I told her the truth in the first place.
My father's ok with me and says that he doesn't want to get involved...he's a quiet man and my mother runs the show basically.
daletom, I appreciate your input...the thing is I have not had any 'rules' explained to me...nothing was ever said about these things, my mother just doesn't talk about this stuff. And now that I've gone and done something absolutely normal she's behaving like this. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong...if anything, I'm 27 and it's to be expected. I guess I'll just have to deal with it somehow
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (14 December 2009):
I don't know what the arrangement is between you and your parents regarding their mortgage, but in general as long as you live under your parents' roof they will expect you to abide by the long established "house rules".
If your account is accurate, your mother is behaving immaturely. She may indeed see your behavior as insulting and flagrantly disrespectful but that doesn't justify her behavior. Engaging in deception, or using slogans and name-calling against her beliefs, will probably make the situation worse.
How does your dad fit into all of this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I'm guessing your mother grew up with that old fashion outdated book called the Bible.After all the Bible is like 2000 years old who goes by that anymore? It set a standard on how to live back then.Now you just got to get away from her and do it your way.Everyone has a right to do what they want.Only warning is those standards she is teaching were meant to protect and guide you.Helping you to maintain self respect and decency.Ultimatly to bring happiness and stability.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I reckon next time, just tell her your staying at a girl mates house. At the end of the day, what she doesnt know, wont really harm her. Mothers are mothers, im 24, and my mom has told my boyfriend of 6/7years (LOLL) that he has to be out of the family home by 1am, no staying over lol, and if he wants to,he has to put a ring on my finger lol. Its embarassing, but its only cuz they care. Like yourself due to fianancial reasons i cannot move out, plus i do love my parents even though we disagree.
The above comment is so true though, At my age my mom had two kids, so they do need to respect us adults, but what can we do.
As for her not talking to you, if she hasnt said what is up, then dont keep mentioning, just hope that she will cool down, just suck up to her little bit. you know what moms are like. :)
i know its hard.
Good luck and God bless xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Your 26+, an age that it's very likely that your mother was sexually active. You're still dating, you told your mother that you were going to spend the night (which certainly implies sharing a bed and having sex)- and she didn't say anything- which means she's forfeited her right to have a late comment here. It sounds as if she's wanting to tell you how to live your life, but realizes that she shouldn't so she's now cutting you with silence and ripping your heart out to save herself from a conversation that she doesn't want to have.
You need to go to her as the adult that you are, tell her that she needs to GET OVER THIS, as while you respect her right to have an opinion, she needs to respect your right to have a LIFE. Most children (99%+) would have moved out years ago, and mom and dad would be selling a house that they can't afford on their own.
She needs to quite worrying (as much) for her little girl- sure Mom's are going to always worry, but for heavens sake, you spent the night with a steady BF at 26 years old. What does she want??? You to get married and move out? You to be a virgin till the mortgage is paid? You need to get this out in the open and shine a light on it, you can NOT sacrifice your happiness for the sake of a bank loan. She needs to either learn how to treat you in your adulthood, or you need to do what it's doing to take to be happy in the place you choose to call home.
Good luck, if she's going to be stubborn, you might have to resort to writing, tell her that she can choose what you do- and then do it. If she doesn't respect you as a modern adult, then you may have to do what's in your best interest for you, as she's clearly using you for her own gain.
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