A
female
age
30-35,
*larebear
writes:Hi, my name's Clare and it's my 18th birthday today. I suffer with severe depression, diagnosed 4 years ago. A lot of stuff has happened in my life to cause me to be down (I won't go into it), but recently I've been happy. I started a music course at college, met a guy, and got a new job. Today, my mother decided to tell me how I'm such a disappointment to her and how I've been neglecting her since this all started. My mum is very ill, has cancer, diabetes (type one) and depression.I can't understand why she decided to tell me today. I mean, my college course is full time and i work about 3 nights a week at my job. My boyfriend lives about 2 hours away, so having a long distance relationship means that I only see him when we both have the time. I understand that the time I spend with her has been cut shorter, but I can't understand why she calls me a disappointment. I've looked after her and the house for as long as I can remember. To be honest, now I feel like a disappointment. Can anyone give me advice on what I can do.Thanks.
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female
reader, clarebear +, writes (10 January 2011):
clarebear is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to all of you who replied. And thank you for the birthday wishes :)
I don't really know where to go from this because I never talk to my mum about this sort of stuff. I'll give it a go talking about this to her, but to be honest, it's always hard to get through to her when she's like this.
I understand what everyone is saying to me, and how it's just her needs to have me there, but it doesn't matter. Because I will always feel like a disappointment to her. She has such high standards, which I will never be able to meet.
Thanks for the advice. I'll talk to her about it.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I am sure that is her depression speaking its demented words through her mouth and nothing more. You know in your heart that she is wrong to feel any sort of disappointment and I am almost certain that that is not how she truly feels, she knows you took care of her and she knows why you spend less time together anymore, it was just unjustified anger.
If you want, you can talk to her about it, ask her if she really meant it and tell her that you never wanted to disappoint her. Remind her that you are trying as hard as you can to succeed and keep both your relationship with your Long Distance boyfriend and your relationship with your mother alive and healthy. Good luck and keep smiling.
Happy birthday!
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): i supose after havingyou look after her for so long there would b a feeling of loss that she doesnt see you as much as she wants although i wouldnt take what she said to heart most likely shes just taken her feelings out on you, she may even feel a little jealous that you've got a lot going on in your life, but it was unfair of her to say something like that to you on your birthday, you should probably talk to her and tell her how she has hurt your feelings and stuff.happy birthday by the way : )
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (9 January 2011):
 First of all, Happy 18th Birthday, even though it may not have seemed very happy for you.
I don't know why your mum wouldn't have chosen today to tell you either, and i don't think that's very fair. You have obviously had to deal with alot in your life, looking after your mum whilst she has been ill, and dealing with your own depression.
Congratulations on getting back on track with college, job and boyfriend. As you said this seems to have picked you up and given you some happiness. With regards to your mum i think you need to sit and talk with her. Tell her you don't think its fair that she told you on your birthday, and you have had your own problems and have always done your best to be there for anyone who has needed you. Have a good heart to heart with her and talk it out. Best of luck x
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