A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So it's probably best that I start from the beginning. In college in Oct 2010 I started talking to this guy and over the next month we became really close. We used to text each other 24/7 and went out in the night. It gradually developed into a FWB's situation, which I was quite happy with. This continued on throughtout Dec 2010. I stayed over his a few times. However it started to seem like more than a FWB's. There would be kissing which didn't seem quite so casual. I started to question what he was thinking of situation. The Monday after I stayed over a week ago, he became quite distant. Saying that he wasn't 'feeling it' anymore. I was a bit confused,but I let it slide. I did however question it on Weds where he once again said he wasn't feeling it. He also revealed on Weds that he was due to join the army sometime in April. I was very shocked at this. Thursday night came we out of the blue he went 'Should I have asked you whether you want to be in a relationship yet'. As you can imagine I was quite surprised... I had never once questioned the FWB's relationship. I was more than happy with things the way they were as it meant no commitment. So I replied to him 'What's brought this up'..And he then went 'You didn't answer my question? :)' So I go 'I s'pose we could give it a try' He then replied that I didn't sound too optimistic. Fast forward to the next day I see him in college and I ask him 'Are we really going to give it a go' (I sort of wasn't really feeling it at this point) and he said 'I'm going to say No'. However after the lesson we kissed... Later on in the day I mentioned that he can't keep messing people about and why did he even bring up the whole relationship thing. He replied that his 'Mom and sister in law, had told him not to mess this up with me like he had the last one'. I was really confused by this 1. How had his family known about me and known my name. His sister in law had even asked 'Is anna* your gf yet'.. 2.Why would you ask someone because of "pressure" I didn't think things were adding up. (He also said he wasn't good at commitment) Later on he decided he he wanted to go back to things they were. So we're now back to the FWB's. I've never once brought up the idea of being in a relationship with him as I've mentioned above. I'm happy with things as they are. He's always questioned if I wanted more. I don't understand why. Another thing on the Friday while I was sitting with a different group of friends he asked one of my closest girl friends to hug him to 'Make Anna* Jealous'. In the hopes I would see him hugging my friend. It seems ridiculous that he would want to make me jealous, when I would never get jealous. So I'm extremely confused with this WHOLE situation. I'd love it if someone could help me. Sorry about the length. TIA
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): I think he does want to be in a relationship with you but is too shy or insecure of rejection.sounds like he's been talking to his mom and sis in law about you to ask their opinion and they told him to 'not mess things up' whatever that means but I think if a guy is talking to his mom and sis in law about you it means he's thinking deeply about you or at least is feeling enough confusion about you that he needs to talk it out with trusted people.then also why would he want to make you jealous if he wasn't romantically interested in you.so I think he does want to be in a relationship with you but is too insecure or afraid of getting his pride hurt by coming out and saying so. That's why when he asked you if you wanted to be in a relationship, and all you said was "I suppose we could give it a try" to him it didn't sound very enthusiastic so his pride was hurt that's why next day when you ask him is it on or not, to save his pride he has to say no.Or maybe he's playing mind games with you. I hate when people do this.I was with a guy like that too. I often can't tell if he's shy and insecure or just playing mind games. We have been FWB for about 4 years. And despite having been having sex with each other for 4 years, STILL he's so shy and insecure about the smallest things around me. Like there is always still this coy subtle hinting from him, and what I think are mind games. And I'm like, dude, we've been having sex for 4 years. We just had sex last night. Why are you today still pretending like we've never even kissed before.With him and me, there was one time in the beginning when he was bold and brazen in wanting us to have a relationship, but I said, ''no, I just want to be FWB''. I think I really hurt his feelings but at the time I didn't know him well enough to know that this would be such a blow to him....then a couple years later I realized I do want to be in a relationship with him, but now he said no, let's just keep it FWB. So that hurt my feelings. Now we're both still FWB and I'm unsure how he feels about it because he's giving mixed signals.
A
female
reader, Dreamer1988  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 He wants to be in a relationship with you, but you are not letting him in. I suppose if you 'sound enthusiastic' about being his gf, he'll want to be your bf. Good luck
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