A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am genuinely really struggling so please only supportive answers.Bit of background. So there is a public figure, kind of celebrity – small celebrity, up and coming type – that I admire. (They will be left unnamed, I will just call them M) This started as a normal celebrity interest, celebrity crush I guess. It came and went as normal crushes go. In Oct last year I saw M at a gig they were doing. After the gig I left straight away, to get my return train home. M was there also waiting for their train. I went up to M and said hi and said I loved their show. We had a quick interaction and photo before I had to get my train. I was over the moon I got to meet them. That should have been it. Saw my celebrity crush, got a photo, all was well with the world.The few days following this interaction, I had serious anxiety, I felt sick, restless, shaky and really depressed! Like it had hit me like a brick wall. There was no obvious trigger or cause. All I could think of was this interaction with M. I couldn’t even look at the photo I had with M as it made me feel sick with anxiety. I felt drawn to M. Like more drawn to them than anyone else. Like when you feel a new connection with someone. Yes I know. Stupid. I felt like some kind of energy had been rubbed onto me. This lasted about a week. I felt like nothing else in the world mattered but M. I felt stupid, silly and crazy. I couldn’t eat without feeling sick. I felt like I had to run away. I was constantly shaky , even in my sleep. I felt like I had gone mad. It passed, eventually.This week I went to see M again for a gig. I felt like I need to try work out what it was that caused the anxiety before. Perhaps to get closure. I felt exposure was the best way to do it. My plan was to just go to the gig, have a nice time, go home, get on with my life, like any other person.The gig was great. I returned to the bar area after to have a drink before I headed home. M appeared in the bar and was talking with fans and having drinks. They seemed really happy to have the interaction with fans after the gig. After the anxiety I felt last time, I felt it would be safer to not approach M and just finish my drink and leave. I felt okay with this, felt like I had got the closure I needed and I didn’t feel overly bothered about talking to them this time.I took my drink and sat down in a seat that became available. Not long after I sat down, M actually approached me and sat next to me. We had a lovely interaction. M said she saw my story on Instagram and wanted to say hi. I was happy and even more so because M approached me not the other way round! I felt a connection. Yes I know, it’s ridiculous.Then the familiar feelings of feeling stupid, silly and crazy smacked me in the face on the return home. The whole way home on the train I felt sick with anxiety, felt exhausted and couldn’t focus on anything else but thinking about the interaction with M. The last few days I’ve felt the same anxiety, restlessness that I did in October. I can’t eat, sleep, I can’t sit still. I feel this impending doom feeling. I want to cry, but I don’t even know why.I like this person, they are a lovely person. But why do they make me feel so bad? Even though I feel bad, I want to be around them. Why can’t I just admire their work from afar, like other people. Just be happy I got to meet them again and go about my normal daily life? But I can’t. It has consumed me. I can’t shift this feeling of connection.M has also been paying me more attention on social media. When M approached me in the bar, they said they had seen my story on social media and wanted to say see me. They have also been viewing my stories more and more since. Anyone experienced this?Anyone know what it could mean?I already feel silly and ridiculous so please no nasty comments. I know nothing will happen with D. I just need to work out this extreme anxiety and strange draw to them. It feels more than just a silly celebrity crush.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2022): I think you should lighten up a bit and stop worrying.
If you enjoy the music and the gigs then all is well.
Just remember that if you have anxiety then you could suffer those symptoms anytime regardless of what is going on in your life.
If M is happy to talk to you then it should be ok.
You can't demand they talk to you as you know so see if you feel a bit 'dropped -off' don't feel rejected.
Happy, sociable people also have bad days too!
And sometimes far too many people want to talk to them all at the same time as well.
Try not to nurture the 'crazy' part of yourself because you may find that you are more normal than you think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2022): This person is a fantasy created in your head, by you and by countless others no doubt. That is why there is such a strong pull. Once you realize this, you will be able to shut it down and come back to earth OP.
I don't know whether this M person is a male or female as you refer to M as THEM. For the sake of argument, I will address M as a female.
These "celebrities" are given way too much power by us mere mortals. They are human like you and I. They take a shit and it stinks. They have bad breath in the morning. They get into bad moods. They may have a lot of faults. But you do not see them. They won't let you see them. It is not good for their image, their business. You and everyone else is at arm's length. You will never get the opportunity to get that close. Because let's face it, if you did, the fantasy would be over and you would no longer be worshipping them because the real person will come to the forefront and they will not be who you idolized them into being. So in your head they will always remain perfect and unattainable and it is that continued longing for that which does not exist which propels you into obsessive, unhealthy thoughts. These thoughts which you ALLOW to consume you fan the flames of fantasy.
These "celebrities" are PERFORMING for the public. They are performing for you. Don't for one minute mistake her interest in your page as personal interest. She is trying to build her career and that is her goal. She is being overly attentive and enthusiastic to you (AND OTHERS) for the sole purpose of getting fans and for word to spread that she is a good person, and all that. It all helps her career which you say is at the ground level right now. So, she has to try harder. If and when she is a big celebrity, she will no longer be doing these things and will be completely out of reach. Do not mistake her business goals as personal goals. Once you get your head out of the clouds and stop fantasizing and stop writing your own romance novel, you will get on with life. She is only a blip on the radar of life. You need to meet real women and have real relationships or focus on your own life. And you will see that this woman was only a temporary, fading crush.
Also, I caution you that often these types are very ego driven and self absorbed. Don't want to judge but they really don't make the best partners in life. It will always be about them and their careers.
You seem like a nice person OP. But a little bit lonely at this time. And you are projecting onto this minor celebrity. Who will be next? You are a mature woman. I think it is time you act that way. Maybe talk to a therapist about why you act out this like? I don't think it is normal behavior. You may need some help getting to the root cause.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous reply - what can you see is wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2022): Being star-struck is pretty common, but it shouldn't cause anxiety and depression. Obsessing over another human being steps more into lines of needing counseling with a mental-health professional.
My guess is that the novelty will wear-off with time.
Until you've considered and decided on seeking therapy and counseling; try some "cold-turkey" exercises. Your reaction to this person seems a tad unhealthy. Based on what you've written, you find yourself becoming anxious and overwhelmed; and this is how a lot of people become stalkers. Don't worry, you're not there yet; it's reversible and controllable!
Don't idolize or place other human beings up on pedestals. They are no better than you, and they are not deities. That person may possess some growing recognition or have a small fanbase; but you've blown their stature somewhat out of proportion; so that's where you may need to seek some counseling to get things back into perspective. This person, I will assume, is some small-time local performer. Presently gaining a following. You're inflating her prominence far beyond what is suitable at the moment; and you just need to reel yourself in.
Sometimes you need to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground; and not demote your own importance down to a level of subservience around people who have a little talent or recognition. They go to the bathroom, eat, drink, and sleep just like you do. They have bodily functions, and fart like regular normal everyday-people. She gets body odor and bad-breath like anybody else.
Nobody on earth deserves worship. Applause and compliments will suffice; just don't go overboard! Too much too soon will go to her head; and ruin her chances to shoot to real stardom. That's when they become unapproachable and self-impressed. Be chill!
In plain language...girlfriend, get a grip!
If you've tried with all your might, but you can't; that's a cry for help at a professional-level. If you're calling it "crazy" yourself; then you must feel it's not altogether healthy, and beyond your control.
Everyone gets a little giddy and impressed around the people we find extraordinary, very special, gifted, or far above average; but sickness and anxiety may be symptomatic of something that requires a professional evaluation.
I recommend cold-turkey abstinence. No more contact (social media follow-up) until you can get your emotions and feelings more under control. You have to practice composing and calming yourself; to maintain self-control, to see all people on a human-level. It's okay to be impressed, but this person is too "small-time" for such overreaction to her presence. We're not talking about Adele or Beyoncé here! She's one of your homies; she lives in your locale. She doesn't arrive in a limousine being chased by paparazzi yet.
I would block her on social media temporarily; until you get a handle on how you behave around this person. She is just a person, she has a gift, she didn't fall from heaven; or step out of a spaceship. She belches, has periods, and natural feelings just like any other female. She has the gift to perform; and that's what makes her unique, not worthy of over-glorification.
If you need somebody to worship, think about God. He deserves it, because He is an Almighty Deity. He can work wonders and do miracles; only those kinds of talents warrant worship and praise.
Without the lights, cameras, makeup, a microphone, a stage, and an audience; they become ordinary-people, like you and me. They are fortunate to receive adoration and fame from the public; but they are no better than you or I.
Work-on your self-esteem and dignity, sweetheart. You're not beneath anyone. You are a precious life, and as important and unique as any other person made of blood, flesh, and bone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2022): Obviously you won't be able to work it out or help yourself, you are not experienced, knowledgeable or qualified enough. Pay a psychiatrist to work it all out for you. I am a qualified therapist and can immediately see what is wrong, but it takes time to put it right and you need a professional to work with you to do that. Not some amateur on a forum or a friend etc.
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