A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,My mum is having an affair with a married man. It started 5 years ago when she was caring for my father who had dementia. He was coming around the house as his job is to teach computers and mum wanted to learn. I knew about it but turned a blind eye as thought brought happiness to mum and would fade out in due course once she was single. Mum is 75 he is around 60. Dad passed away and this man is now moving into out family home and says he will divorce his wife. I have a feeling he won't but the kids are grown up and house paid off so I guess they could. He tells her his wife also has a lover so doesn't mind. He gives mum lots of compliments but the relationship is still at the stage where he basically just calls round for sex and occasionally they might go out to lunch. He has turned her against me. She sees me as a threat to this relationship and they call me names behind my back. It's horrible. We argue all the time about this guy as I try and warn her he could be a lying cheater.I am worried he will simply return to wife or cheat on mum once he moves in. She loves him so much it would break her heart.Have tried to warn her but she says he would never hurt her. How should I handle this situation?
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (31 December 2015):
It sounds like this relationship will die a slow death if you don't get involved, but probably a much slower death if you do. I would let mom go thru the process alone or she could very well blame it on you if you continue to intercede, driving even a bigger wedge between you two. Let her go thru it herself and I hope you'll be there to help mom up when she needs it. At the age of 75, she may see this as her last opportunity to get a man in her life. It can't be easy to watch this situation unfold but you'll be much better off if your turn your head, focus on other matters and wait.
A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (31 December 2015):
Sadly there is not much you can do but give advice. You're mother is an adult and is entitled to do what she wants. You're right to be concerned about this r/ship but you also don't want to fall out with your mother.
My advice is to make clear your concerns but let her live her life as she wants to. Let her know that whatever happens you'll be there for her and then...let it go. Don't keep on at her. Focus on yourself,be happy and love her regardless of the situation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2015):
 I'd would stop trying to tell your mom what to do.
You say you argue all the time about this guy, SO drop the subject. Your relationship with your mom is based in things between YOU and your mom. Not you, your mom and your mom's lover. Talk about positive things in your life, if she turns the subjct over on her "man" then politely decline to discuss him. Switch subject.
She is DEFINITELY old enough to know better, she is old enough to handle heartbreak too.
If you live with your mom, maybe it's time to move out?
I get that you don't want to see her hurt, but if SHE doesn't care to stop seeing him, what really can you do?
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A
female
reader, Songwr1ter +, writes (30 December 2015):
Just don't do anything... You've already tried to warn her, and she didn't listen..There's not more you can do... But if he does hurt her, just make sure to be there for her .. There's a chance that you may be wrong..maybe this guy does love her? But only time can tell. So my advice to you: just don't do anything. try to argue less, and be the bigger person here.
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