A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a wonderful woman for almost 6 months now. When we met, the connection was real and we hit it off almost instantly. The only difference is that she's religious, but I'm not. As far as I've always been concerned it didn't pose too much of a problem with me and I thought it was the same with her. For the holidays this year she's spending 2 weeks with her family in California and has, as a result grown closer to them and religion.I'm glad she's having a great time, but out nowhere one day while texting me she brought up her ex and mentioned how much her parents loved him and how he follows the same spiritual path as her. I'm not a particularly jealous guy and that didn't bug me much. Then she sent paragraph long texts telling me I need to change and exactly what I need to change.She's expressed that when she gets home, no more sex. I can deal with that, I never had much of a drive anyway. She's expressed that I need to spend some more time with her parents. No problem, her parents are pretty cool. But then she said that her religion is now going to be the center of her life and she needs someone who has the same devotion she does. She also needs someone who will embrace her family'so beliefs. She's also told me that she's not going to compromise her beliefs and these terms are non-negotiable and I have to change for good. I've tried to talk to her about the subject, but she's completely adamant and tells me it's for my benefit. I get that she feels it's for the best, but she's asking too much of me. And I've told her that, but she's adamant. I don't think I'm capable of changing my beliefs, nor do I think I want to change such a big part of me, but if I don't, she's going to get fed up and leave me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2016): Relationships are about equality right? And you know that you have as much right to your beliefs (or lack of them) as she does her's right?
So to be sure that she understands this, and that she extends the same amount of respect to you as she is demanding that you should for her I can only suggest that you agree a compromise;
Alternate one week of her belief for one week of your belief? She'd surely agree to that if she respects you as much as she expects you to rspect her... right?
If not I think you might need to leave to be 'allowed' to decide what you believe in and what lies in your soul. Which is pretty quintessential to your being to be honest...
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (31 December 2015):
Your beliefs are just as legitimate as her beliefs.I've had four relationships with religious women. All started out with seemingly mutual acceptance of each other, then finally dissolved when I wouldn't change to their beliefs. I never argued their beliefs, nor did I try to switch them to mine (agnosticism). I respected their right to believe but they wouldn't respect mine. My final two weeks with The Ayatollah Susan was probably one of the two lowest points in my life.You say she's not going to compromise. You will probably never truly believe in the same things she believes. And you don't want to lie and tell her you suddenly believe the same things she does. So it is best to walk away and do so quickly. You won't have a willing sex partner while you aren't married, that's for sure. I wouldn't make any compromises such as going to church with her or that sort of thing. If you do, she'll have some hope she can change you to a 100% believer. You should be your own man, compromising only when it makes sense. Look at this as a nice six months and an inexpensive lesson. Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 December 2015):
 I can bet no person in church is the same and if you ask them each the same questions they would come up with different answers, in their minds at least. Belief goes deeper than just saying you believe so and so. I can assure you for religion, it's mostly for a sense of community, support when you need it. For example you don't go there to argue the idea of trinity, the virgin birth, and whether there is an actual heaven or hell. People care more about being good, virtuous, charitable than these things. I have to agree that having a religion has more benefit than none. Don't make such a big deal out of religious, or non religious because no one can judge.
What I would do is get baptized, go to church every Sunday morning, fast on certain Fridays, but absolutely no more than that. No weekly bible readings, church functions or meetings. You also have to negotiate how much time you get to spend together. You want a wife, not a God's daughter that has no time for you.
I get a feeling that she is a little bit afraid of her parents. Her real self will show after marriage. So this is a risk you are going to take. I also guess that what she meant was put on a good show in front of her parents. When you get home just two yourself then you can relax.
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