A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a terrible relationship with my mother. And its not one of them stereotypical type of bad its really bad. I am 20 years old and she treats me like im 6. Im not allowed to go out with my friends, if i do she constantly calls me and embarasses me. If she sees me texting she demands to read it. She picks at my every little move. The only fun i have is going to uni! Which normal people dread. I can't move out because my family wont talk to me then, i dont care if my mother doesnt, but its just the other people. Im also her driver. She makes me drive her EVERYWHERE without paying for fuel. Im a student and i dont have any money at the moment. If i refuse she causes such havoc like a spoilt brat, one time she just left the house at 2am cos i said no (had work the following morning) and my dad had to come home from work to go out and look for her!She also keeps bringing up things from my past. I was sexually abused, and every time i do something "wrong" like "talking back", she talks about it and says how much of a slut i am.Ive had enough, shes even insulted me infront of people, and raised her hand at me today for the first time. Im blooming 20! i feel like a little kid with no freedom. The worse thing is she acts like there is nothing wrong, and she SHOULD be actually doing more to keep me in "control".I dont know what to do.
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emotionally abusive, money, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): I completely agree. Your mother is suffocating you! You need leave as soon as possible asyou don't deserve to be treated like that. You mom is the one person on this earth who should be there for you when bad things happen. ESPECIALLY, if you've been sexually abused, not bring it up and make you feel worse!
Speak to her about it and tell her how you feel, make it known what she's doing to you.
A
female
reader, StormySeas  +, writes (5 September 2011):
OKAY! My first reaction before reading any further was to say something along the lines of..."Well, she is your mother and she loves you...She just wants what is best for you..." and I am sure that some of that is part of the truth, but after reading further, I believe that she is putting much guilt on you that you should not have to carry around with you. And, honestly... I am angry for you that she would bring up such a devastating moment from your past as a way to make you feel bad. It's honestly very disturbing that she would hurt you in that way. I'm really sorry... no one should have to experience sexual abuse in the first place, and then feel as if there is no escape to it. You have to leave. You have to. Unless, your mother is capable of having a heart to heart with you about your relationship, you have to get out of there and live for you. Sometimes people have to live by the "each man for themselves" rule, and I believe your case may fall under that category. You have to live for you...Again, I am so sorry... and, I just cannot imagine how trapped you must feel. In addition to leaving your toxic environment, I would strongly recommend seeking out counseling of some sort to help you heal from your past as well as cope with struggles you may have dealing with your current situation. Stay strong and be brave!! The sun may not be out where you are, but you can always make your own! Please take care...
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 September 2011):
 god and i thought my mum was bad! can you move out? the family that you say will no longer speak to you will understand your reason for moving out surely? she is really nasty to you and it actually sounds like she has some kind of disorder
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Obviously I can only comment on the version of events that you are describing, but from what you do describe it seems very clear that your mother is behaving in an emotionally and psychologically abusive way. It seems that she is being like this because she not only lacks emotional and psychological maturity but also has little regard to social norms. Her controlling behaviour stems from insecurities of her own, and these will remain unresolved whilst she still lacks emotional maturity to overcome her own fears.It can be extremely hard to come to terms with the fact that your own parent, particularly your mother, is in fact not only behaving like a child, but is also behaving in ways that are cruel and painful. At a time in your life when you need support from her you are having to give support to her. Another thing to mention is that young children and adolescents who are abused tend to come from dysfunctional families - in functional families the potential abuser is noticed early on, and any potentially dangerous situation is averted. For your mother to use your abuse to hurt you all over again is not only sick but does seem to prove the point that it is because you were probably already being emotionally abused by her that you then became abused by someone else.I would urge you to seek out a counsellor through your university and to do so as soon as possible. A counsellor will be able to help you to get a healthy perspective on the situation and to come to terms with changes that you need to make. My heart goes out to you - my own mother was pretty twisted and cruel to me and it took years to overcome. I wish someone had said to me a lot earlier that what was happening was wrong - or that I had the guts to speak out about her cruelty. At least you have spoken out, so now take the next step and get help. Good luck.
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