A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and i know that he's the one. i love his family and they have much love and respect for me, however there is a lil bit of a problem lately. his father passed away a year ago right after we got together, and his mother is super lonely. i feel bad for her and we spend as much time as we can with her, but it's seems like she's way 2 clingy to my boyfriend and when we are together w/her they both gain up on me and it makes me to the point where i don't even want to say anything, b/c of the comments they give back to me. in october we are planning a trip 2 vegas and of course she's comming w/us. it was just supposed to me and him going and i am not for sure why or how she got invited. the other problem i am having is that we are driving there and i am indiana(that's a far drive) and we aren't getting seperate hotel rooms. i have brought this up to him and we just argue over it, i really don't know what 2 say or do anymore about the situation???? i would please like some suggestions Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 It sounds as though they formed a coalition against you ("they both gain up on me and it makes me to the point where i don't even want to say anything, b/c of the comments they give back to me"). I think you should talk to your boyfriend (talk calmly, not argue) about how this situation is seriously affecting your relationship. If his mother is so meddlesome now, imagine after you marry her son!... Once he acknowledges the fact this situation needs to be changed and his mother's visits and intromission needs to be adjusted to a more moderate level and frequency, things should be easier as he can then talk to her on the subject (it is HIM who should mediate this conflict because her mother could otherwise accuse you of "separating" her from his son if you try to state your viwepoint directly to her). It is not a good sign that you feel you can't get a word in edgeways and prefer to bite your tongue fearing their comments. Is this how badly they react? Also, it seems selfish of her to want to join in the trip and sleep in the same room. What kind of vacation is this for the two of you as a couple? If two rooms aren't available she should outrightly back off. If she doesn't, she should at least shorten her stay to a day or two, let's say. I don't know why you are going if you know beforehand that you will have a bad time.Also, and I think this is important, how come you are so sure that he is "the one"? You say the mother has been clingy leaving you little alone time for almost a year, and it's exactly the time since you two have started dating. It's clearly time for that umbilical cord to be cut already and for the boyfriend to realise a more firm attitude is necessary here. He can tell his mother in all delicacy that while her company is appreciated, you need more alone time to know each other better and see if you can form your OWN family. Meanwhile, since she feels lonely, you can maybe suggest her to spend more time with relatives, maybe she can also see your parents among others, they are probably of the same age and you can predict how well they can get along. You should also meet her outside more from now on or at her place rather than yours, so you can leave whenever you please.If he doesn't wake up soon, prepare to get married not only to the son but also to his mother. Best wishes.
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