A
female
age
36-40,
*talianswthrt
writes:Me and my bf have been together 2 yrs and I recently had a baby.well 4 weeks after the baby my bf started looking at porn cuz I was recovering from labor and tearing. Well he got addicted to it and I didn't even kno he was doing it in the 1st place. I found out by looking on the computer..I take care of the baby 24 hrs a day 7 days a week and at night he would say he's tired and goin to bed but actually goin 2 porn. I confronted him and he apologized. I just need help from here,I feel cheated on I feel like I can't make him happy. I lost all my weight I'm 5"3 106 lbs. I just am having the hardest time looking at him the same. He coulda been helping wt the baby or coming to me to mess around. Some women are ok wt porn but I am not. how can I get over feeling cheated? Imagining him gettin off on some other chick? My self esteem is shot...
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insecure, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): Ok woman I strongly believe that if you want to share your life with a man you should know men better.What you picture in your mind isn't a man but just your idea of it! To force a person in something so unnatural i believe is the cruel violence that you can do to the person that you are supposed to love more.What you are doing instead is put yourself and all your insolved problems first!I think that you should try to understand why your man's need to watch porno and maybe find your answer! Leaving a man just because he is masturbing in privacy is the same as killing a fish because it's breathing in the water! If you tink that for some reason the natural enviroment of a fish should not be the water then blame yourself not the fish!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I've just found out my man is doing just the same thing only he doesn't have an excuse like 'I've just had a baby!' he said it started whilst i was doing my exams- (by the way I'm 47 but have a good figure and look like I'm in my early 30's. Not real student material though)- so again i don't understand why he has done it. He says he won't do it again, but I'm torn apart. I thought i knew him- it's that that really hurts.I too feel as though I'm not good enough and as I'm getting older i feel as though he is not finding me attractive enough now for him. He said its not real and he didn't think whilst he was doing it. But get this- he still carried on doing it for 3 years! He didn't tell me cause he knew i would be upset - however he still carried on until i got it out of him - he is really bad at hiding things and i knew he was doing something- my instincts told me! I understand where your coming from. It's something i can't confide in to someone in the family though. The idea also that if you give sex to him that it will stop him - sorry tried that one for ages! I have a high sex drive and always have had and have tried lots of things- so sorry it doesn't work....that ideas the wrong one. If they are going to do it they will what ever you give them!Im still with my man- why i don't know, and still feel cheated on with what he has done. He says he wont do it again- time will tell. If he does it again then sorry he's gone- even after all this time of being together.I feel men don't see it as cheating or being compared against- many women including me do- he may as well have taken them to bed with him in real life is my way of looking at it- that's maybe wrong but that's how i feel. I really sympathize with you, its now you need him to be there and its now he's chosen to abdicate his responsibilities- perhaps he is feeling insecure- but what he doesn't realize is that through his actions he has done the same to you on a grander scale. He needs to chose between you and the porn - Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Well I can relate to this. My boyfriend also enjoys porn, and when I first started finding that he would sometimes go masturbate to porn instead of just have some fun with me, it hurt. I'm very attractive, but felt a little insecure, like I wasn't enough for him. But then I got over it, trust me every normal guy has watched porn, some a little more than others, but it's all in all the same. And trust me it's NOT cheating. I mean picture a woman leaving her boyfriend over that, a few days later her friends ask her why she left him, she replies, " because he cheated on me." The friends say, " with whom?" Woman replies, " with the computer." Friends laugh and say "what did he take the computer out to dinner, buy her stuff, then take her back to his place for the night?" The point is so long as these porno women stay as just meaningless fantasies, that he's not actively out there dating and having sex with them, it's no big deal. Just like if you watch a movie with say sexy Brad Pitt in it and you can't help but fantasize a little, it doesn't mean your cheating, it's just a natural sexual instinct. Let him watch a little, it's much better than catching him in bed with another woman. Although he should be considerate and keep his "fun time" aside if you need help with the baby or your not being satisfied. Just try talking with him and come up a happy medium for the both of you. ___maybe you guys could try watching it together sometimes, it can actually be quite fun:)!
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female
reader, italianswthrt +, writes (27 August 2009):
italianswthrt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh my gosh! Now I just found out that he started doing it when I was pregnant and almost everyday!
I left him for now I just can't deal with it right now!
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female
reader, italianswthrt +, writes (25 August 2009):
italianswthrt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthere is 2 things I feel with making it myself. 1 is I feel like I'm nothing to watch compared to those ppl. 2 is why can't he just be happy with only the real me.(He did say he didn't wanna do that again) so hope that's true. Now when were together I feel sick to my stomach n get bad cramps. I have trouble eating. I can't get over he coulda been helping with me n the baby.I also have trouble with how far he let it go, he is 30 an was looking at young teenagers. I wish I could erase this all from my mind.or because of me we won't make it
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female
reader, Miss Know-it-all  +, writes (25 August 2009):
You must feel really strained looking after a baby, and feeling cheated. You should feel loved and precious.
It may seem outragous, but if you dislike the porn, give it to him yourself. Make him more interested in you than the porn on the computer.
Hope this helps. :)
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