A
female
age
36-40,
*uscle and Sinew
writes:i have been with my husband including dating for nearly five years, and within those five years we have had the biggest arguments, all because of one person, my mother in law. although hate is a strong word, but i will use it only because of the things she has put him through. his father had left him before he was born, his mother has been married three times, the first was his dad, the second died, and the third she cheated on her husband with a 32 year old, mind you she is 46. she still hasnt gotten her act together, and she ridicules me that i dress old and i need to dress with more cleavage, but i was raised to be modest to have respect for myself and others. i guess that is why we bump heads. it hurts me to know how many men she has been with when my husband was alone as a child and she was partying. one time he walked in on her with a man and she slapped him. BUT the big problem is that she has her e husbands grandaughter and is putting her through that. i saw her and she whispered in my ear that " the man is here" or starring at him, or not eatting as much...we dont know this man, and i dont know what to do. the little girl is just 3 yrs old, she is scared... her mother is doing drugs...all of the them are so lost, she knows nothing about god of faith. my mother in law taught her that her private part is called a *USSY. and i cant imagine if we have kids. i dont want anything to do with her if i know she is gunna put our kids through the same situations. what can i do? she is not my blood but i love her as though she was my real neice. how can anybody, a mother do this to a child? i dont understand. it took me so long to talk to my husband about all of this, from the way she dresses ( like a hooker , and thats cause she is an administator), from the way she talks to my husband like if he was dirt, maybe cause she gets reminded of my husbands real father. we plan on renewing our vowels come November and she wants that man to go. and on top of that she makes out with him in front of us infront of her step grad daughter... and we arrive at her house, and he has his shirt off. i just want advice. i have been by my husband side, but im so scared nothing is gunna change.
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female
reader, Muscle and Sinew +, writes (8 June 2010):
Muscle and Sinew is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thx guys. We have been seeing a priest to get some type of spiritual guidance of some sort. At first my husband thought I was just making a big deal of things. That I just dnt like his mom period. But it goes deeper than that. Believe me when I tell you I have had to bite me tongue soooo many times because the stupid insulting things she has said to me and about my family. That we think we are too good and what not. But the truth is I am too good for her. She is nothing but trash. One thing that the preist said us that my husbands mom is sick in the head and she needs help. And we needto keep are distance and he even advised that there should be very little contact with her and once we have kids a mother should do whatever to protect ur kids. I feel so uplifted. And I feel for my husband. Because that's his mom. I'm just soo embarrassed how she act, and I can't change her but maybe she needs to hit rock bottom so she can see what kind of distruction she is creating. Thank you all for your support. Your words have really made move forward!!!
A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (25 May 2010):
 What Grant writes is true. However, it is up to your husband to step up and be the man of his family (you and your children) and protect your interests. It is obvious that his mother has issues by anyones standards. If he can't do this, then possibly, you did not marry a man of significant backbone SO DON"T HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM! If you have to push and "coerce" him, it isn't really him, it's you. Although having children can give a person strength they didn't know they had (think mama or papa bear), I wouldn't rely on this to build moral fortitude and a spine. Maybe you and your husband could offer to "babysit" the grandaughter and you could be a positive influence and safety net for her while "grandma" lives her life. Also, if my husband was not able to deal with his mother, I would not let my children around this woman under any circumstances ever until her whole persona, attitude and character changed. If she can't behave, then she can't be in any contact, period! It may be that she wouldn't lose any sleep over it either so it would be a win win situation:)
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 There is nothing whatever you can do to change your mother-in-law. The only thing you can influence is how you and your husband deal with her.
The first thing is whether you and your husband are on the same page with this. Is he as appalled as you are? Does he harbour notions of having his mother in your (future) children's lives? If his answer is 'yes', then you have some very serious thinking to do. If he accepts that her behaviour is OK, then you may have made a mistake marrying into the family and have to decide accordingly.
If your husband recognizes her as a train wreck and wants his kids to have nothing to do with her, then you can work together to present a united front. You can ask the child's mother if she would be willing for you to take care of the niece. And then work to cut this horrid person from your lives.
Regardless, for your own sanity I can't see how you can continue to have a relationship with her.
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