A
female
age
26-29,
*ike's Kitten Lissy
writes:hi, I am 17 and my boyfriend has just turned 19. We have been together for 2 years nearly. I got pregnant december 2007 and found out on January 4th 2008. My boyfriend and i had been discussing how we wanted a family one day and marraige. We were both shocked and scared but really wanted to keep the baby. (i will say i was on the pill when i got pregnant i wasnt just having unprotected sex). Anyway i come from a very.....lets say..... obsessed with the 'family reputation' sort of family. I go to an all girls private school and my grandparents think im a virgin. My sister had a baby in december, she is 22 but she had only been with her boyfriend a month when she got pregnant. So when i told my mum the 1st thing she said is, ' you are having an abortion arent you?'. at this point my heart was pounding, i couldnt turn for my boyfriend for help because he wasnt there as he is in the army and was away for the week. Over the next few days my mother was trying to persuade me to abort the baby and her and my sis would ring me saying, ' it will kill your grandparents if they find out'. i felt as if i had the choice between killing my baby or my grand parents. My boyfriend was furious with them. My school said i could stay at d school and finish my alevels for the next yr and a half and would also help with finding a university with child care. However my mother was stil not satisfied. In the end my hormones were everywhere and before i knew it i was booke din and was sitting in the clinic with my sister for my initial apointment. Mike couldnt be there as it was a week day. They booked me in for the friday after for my 1st tablet. Mike booked the time off to coem with me for support but he cried the whole time and was begging me not to do cause he knew i didnt want to. The next day i went back for the next tablet bt my boyfriend refused to go, so i went with mum but mike turned up at last minute with tears streaming down his face. I wil never forget that look on his face as the nurse walked me down to the 'room where it all happened'. As i came out after they ahd inserted the pills i was crying. And mike looked at me trying to be strong. My mum just had no emotion on her face. Within half an hour i was in agony and was bledding more than i should have been. I got rushed into hospita;and was kept in over night. My boyfriend was so angry that not only had i killed his baby but i had got hurt in the process. we argued and we finished. so then i ahd lost the 2 things i loved most in the world. My mum then banned em from seeing him and made me have the implant in my arm.We have recently got back together and have been meeting secretely against my mums will. I made the 1st step the other day when i told my mum i was going to see him after he had a motorbike crash. now i have to tell that i am back with him. I just wish i had the other thing i lost back aswell and thats my baby. I want my implant taken out aswell. Mike is currently looking for an apartment, however il b 18 in 2 n alf months and if we are married we get military accomodation. I know my mum wil hate this. I dont normally rebel against her but i hate her for what she did. I went against my morals about abortion because i was 2 scared to stand up for what i wanted. Im still too scared. But i know i want this chip out my arm and i know i want a baby and i know i want mike more than anything in the world. I need advice on how to deal with my mum and also with the abortion, as right now i am scared of telling my mum, and also feeling empty and hating myself about the abortion.
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female
reader, hilawn +, writes (25 January 2011):
I'm in the exact same situation you are in now. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 20. All along we have had the intention of getting married. I then found out that i was expecting his child. We are both very excited and happy about this. Thinking that both our families are Catholic, we would be able to keep this child.The night he told my mum about this was when things changed. My mum made plans to go to the hospital for an abortion. Both me and my boyfriend when to the hospital with my mum as it was just the first check up. That was the day i saw my little angel's heartbeat. However that weekend, both our parents met up. Everyone felt that aborting this child would be the best and ideal solution. Both me and my boyfriend begged to keep this child. Financially, we can find a way out. No matter how tough it may be, we both are willing to keep this child. My parents forced me to abort if not she disown me. At that time, I was a coward. I didn't dare to do anything to go against my parents as i was afraid to lose them. At that point of time, my dad had a weak heart too. I had to choose to kill my baby or my father. My boyfriend was furious about it. He was desperate to save his child, yet he ended up not being able to save him.Finally, we decided to abort this child. Both my boyfriend and I are unwilling to do so. But we have no choice. However we made a deal with our parents that i'll marry him after his army. Which would be the end of next year. By then i'll be 19 and he would be 22. Though we are still together. We fight over this every single day. I blamed myself for killing my own child. My boyfriend is still angry at me for signing the paper, but still supports me in everything i do. He understands, yet he is hurt that i got hurt in the process and his child was killed too. We miss our child so badly. My boyfriend and I will hug and cry for hours. If i could really turn back time. I would NOT abort this precious child of mine. Be strong and stick to what you think is right. You've lose something so important in your life. I'm sure you would not want to go through the same mistakes you did again. Talk to her nicely and try to negotiate with her.
A
female
reader, jesus love  +, writes (5 November 2009):
I know your question is more than a year old and life must have taken its turns by now.First of all i will like to tell you that i feel your loss as much as you have felt it as i too was forced by my parents and family friend to abort my second baby .I Love Jesus and knew an abortion was wrong. I met the Lord about 2.5 yrs ago and accepted him as my Lord and savior even though i am born a Hindu. My parents think nothing much of my belief in Jesus and they don’t think the Bible is the word of God. So for them to force abortion was not much.I wanted my baby .I knew in my heart she was a girl .She was to be born on 27th May 2010. I had my abortion just three days ago on 2nd Nov 09.and i feel so horrible i let this pressure and their views get onto me .and Let Jesus down. Plus i let my baby die. I was to name her Ruhani.( meaning:-filled with the Holy Spirit)I have a son 4 yrs old and have been in rather a rocky relation with my husband. When we found out i was pregnant again with our second child we both wanted to keep the child no matter what our relation looked like. But i cam back to may parents house in all our problems and troubles and this was my fault. When i came in their house they could control me .I knew even if my husband was not there to support me i could have done this alone. I had all the finances it takes to support my kid and if this kid would have been born for 5 yrs .I could have easily started to work after a few yrs .I am adult of 29yrs and still i fell to my family pressure. So i can very well imagine what you have gone through.My parents just would not listen even though i explained all situations and that i could do this and forced me to abort .The first time i went to the hospital with my father and ran out saying no they forced me back that very afternoon and i was weeping and weeping. I feel the loss of my baby so so much .I can not explain.I also am not able to forgive myself and also my parents and the family friend for what they did.and i am not able to face the Lord and ask him to forgive me . Even though i know his mercy and his grace are there of only we ask his forgiveness. But unless we forgive we can not been forgiven. All this is there in the Bible .But when we are going through what we are going through it is hard to do this . Only time and the Lord will help us to forgive our self and our parents and also ask for his forgiveness.But we need to forgive our self.As for you getting back with your boyfriend and having another child and getting married etc .I think you must have by now taken your steps. and i don’t know where you are at this point in life right now.All i can say is take it one step at a time as the trauma is so deep it wont go in a few yrs .It stays with us for life.But remember your baby is with the Lord .He is looking after you baby and mine.I write to you in tears and i assure you God Loves both of us we just have to get to the point of loving our self again. cause if we don’t love our self then how can we ever love others .The bible says love your neighbors as thy self. So we must love our self no matter what we are and what we have gone through. God knows your weakness and remember the Bible says when we are week we are strong ask for his strength is what we should do.I too have not yet come to this point even though I know this is the only answers.I wish you all the best .Take care and all will be well .Healing will flow at the end .Remember Love covers a multitude of sins.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I do not agree and approve of the way your mother handled matters, however, I want to urge you, do not hate her or keep it against her, she probably did what she thought was best. She just wanted to protect her "litlle girl"; and yes you are not a little girl anymore, but to your mom you will always be. Try to find some forgiveness in your heart for her.
You should tell her that you and your boyfriend are together and want to share your lives, but I suggest you wait untill time is ready that you can move out, to avoid unpleasantness between you and your family. When you are at the right age, have your apartment, be confident and inform them of your desicion.
Good luck and you can be very grateful for such a wondeerfull boyfriend to have been so supportive and whom is still around.
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A
female
reader, tf123  +, writes (12 June 2008):
First I want to say how sorry I am this happened to you and your bf. It was a loss for the both of you, and the fact he is wanting to still stay with you after losing the baby tells me he really loves you. We can't choose our parents and back in the old days teenage/unwed pregancies were treated that way. She was wrong for bullying you into an abortion and I can understand how all this stress and confusion got you to do it...I don't know what age constitutes an adult where you live, but in the US it's 18, so when you are of legal age, you can go w/your bf and start making a life for yourself. Don't rush into having a baby though...be with the man you love for a while and take time for both of you to get over the loss of your child and enjoy your time together. Be strong. Take Care.
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (12 June 2008):
 First of all, even though it's your mum, she bullied you into having that abortion. Surely people would respect you more for keeping the baby and accepting your responsibilities than having an abortion as an escape route (for your mum). Tell your mum and tell her there's no way that she can change her mind. It's not like you're dating a drug dealer, you're boyfriend is in a respectable profession and if you marry you've got the chance of getting a lovely home.Go for it. If you fall pregnant keep the baby. Tell your mum that you're back with him and that you want a baby. If she doesn't like it then she doesn't have to put up with it, she's lived her life, she needs to let you live yours
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