A
female
age
30-35,
*udry09
writes:I find myself in a very stressful situation. I habve found the guy of my dreams. He is caring, respectful, and loves me to death. We've talked about a future together and what not. But the thing is that my mom doesnt exactly aprove. She thinks he's not good enough for me. And is not the typical type of comments coming from a mother. She is seriously trying to get me to break up with him. But I love him, and I honestly believe he is the one. I sometimes think is because maybe he's not the best looking guy that my mom feels that way about him. And I find that horrible. I am very happy but I hate having to come home to hear all this negative things about the guy I love. It hurts me specially because his family is so welcoming. I wish my mom would be as welcoming to him as his mother is to me. I had never been in this situation, and I don't know how to deal with it. I already tried talking to her but it upset her even more to hear where I stood in the situation. Its the first I don't do what she wants me to. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, m79521 +, writes (29 January 2013):
What ever final decision you make let him know of this
individuals who love some one too much and be rejected or even feel rejected for unknown reasons can be a major problem so no matter how you deciede let him know respectfully
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Ok, I'll jump on this thread to risk a word in defense of all the so called " overprotective " or " jealous " moms and dads of this world.
Often on DC we only get the daughter's version, not the parent's one, and the daughter's omissions or misinterpretations make the parents look like lunatics or worse , when they are not. Generally there's something more.
Mind you , OP, I am not accuisng you of intentionally misrepresenting the truth, but there may be something that you have overlooked because it's not a big deal for you but it would be for a parent. In your case, you seem to have a close relationship with your mom, you say yourself that her comments are unusual for her, and that she is usually very understanding. She does not seem to be the kind of Negative Nellie mom that would put down your choices just because. So, it strikes me as very strange that she hates your bf just because he is not attractive.
Are you 100% sure there is nothing in him, his past, his relationship with you and how he treats you, that could at least bother a parent ?...
Again, not to doubt your sincerity, but it's always a matter of perspective and of having the total 360 degrees vision.
Like, we get posts that say " my mum won't let me marry my bf because he is Indian " which of course elicits a choir of enraged Aunts : Racist ! Hatemonger ! Closeminded !.... then, it comes out that the following would be "... and, he wants me to convert to Hinduism, and go live with his parents and siblings, and quit my college studies to take care of his family like a traditional Indian wife .... " Haha. A bit different.
Or " I'm from an affluent family, my bf does not have much money, and my parents want to break us up..." again, instant choir of : Classist, snobs, callous etc. Then ".. does not have much money, because , with his rap sheet for armed robbery, he has trouble finding a good job, and anyway he has to pay child support for the 14 kids he had from his 7 babymamas... "...
I think , if we dig a bit deeper, we'd find in your bf, or in the way you relate to each other, not an armed robbery rap sheet :), but maybe a little something that COULD be cause of concern for a normally rational and normally protective parent, other than just not having the body of a Greek god. Then, it's the actual concern that can be discussed and the parent convinced and/or reassured about.
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (22 January 2013):
Talk to your mother and find out what exactly makes him not meet her standards. But always remember this, no matter what she says, your not going out with/marrying your mother, your doing that with your bf. This might sound heartless but it is the reality of things, your mother will one day die and after that it won't really matter what she thinks, do you wan't to break up with someone who could potentially be your life long partner and fulfill your dream of happiness for someone who no longer exists? Also if you do end up being a life long partner with this person you will have your own life. Yes she is your mother but she is also just another human being with a different opinion.
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female
reader, Audry09 +, writes (3 January 2013):
Audry09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice I really appreciate it! It has really helped. I'm planning on talking to both my mom and my boyfriend. I want her to realize I really care for him, and I want to help him deal with this whole thing. I am definitely considering everything you guys said. And my mother is usually very understanding so hopefully if I have a nice talk with her she'll understand me. Thanks again! (:
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 January 2013):
 I believe your mother is just afraid of having an empty nest. There's also that looming fear that single mothers face when their daughter starts dating; they don't want them to live a life like they experienced. She just wants the best for you, really.
Or she may see something in this young man, that you don't see, and doesn't like.
Like you said, you're young..there's no need to rush down the aisle just yet. Be the mature adult you say you are, and give it time to truly know him inside and out, before deciding this is your husband to be.
Another thing is if this guy truly wants to be with you, then he shouldn't be so scared off easily by your mother.
Also don't go writing your mother off just because she's giving him a hell of a time. Your mother will always be there for you, even when your boyfriend isn't.
I'd actually set her down for a firm talk. Let her know that he's here to stay and you prefer if she would act cordial to him. There's no reason to act hateful towards him, when he has not done anything to her. Tell her that you feel this mother-daughter relationship is strained because of her behavior towards your boyfriend. Hopefully, she'll tone down the mother bear act.
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female
reader, Audry09 +, writes (3 January 2013):
Audry09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's about nine months older than me. Has a stable job and is a complete gnetleman. We have the same ideas of a future together. And yes we are young but we are both really mature for our age. We have a similar background and we understand each other like no one has. My mom is a single mother. And I understand where she's coming from. I really appreciate it that she cares for me. But my boyfriend and I had a previous break-up because of the comments my mom made. And to be honest I don't ever want to go through that again. I love him, and I need him by my side. I still live with my mother and we are Catholic so we have pretty conservative views. But my boyfriend is so amazing he is even willing to respect my beliefs. He is even willing to get married in my church because he knows how important it is to me. I tried talking to my mom again and I'm afraid she hasn't come around. I just don't want to lose her, but I am definitely not breaking up with my boyfriend. He is everything I've always wanted.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 January 2013):
Is your mother a single mother? Because those sort of comments usually come from your father.
Do you still live at home with her? Are you an only child?
Why exactly doesn't she like your boyfriend? Does he have a job, lots of children with different mothers, is he twice your age, have a drug problem?
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female
reader, idontevenrecognisemyself  +, writes (1 January 2013):
To be completely honest, you're getting older now and it's not really any of your mothers business. If my mum ever told me that she didn't like my other half at the start, you know what I would have said... I'd have said 'Mum, I love him. end of.' You need to make that clear to her. You can't live by your mothers decisions forever my love. x
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Ask her why compare all the reasons pros and cons. If there real concerns outway the pros and cons go from there. If it's about looks that's shallow really. It's hopefully she don't find him to be able to provide the best for you, but if that's not the case be with him. Also she might not want you to be with anyone, more or less him. Mothers sometime do that. Sometime mothers see things we don't in a person. Beyond looks but more about the happiness of your well being like finance, education, health and beauty - she probably wants the best of that for you I hope. I would for mine. Love don't pay bills my mom told me, but money does. I'm not a gold digger but love is low on my to do list myself, God, money, children, education, money, health and beauty are on the to do list - love didnt make it.
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