A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone hope someone can give me some good advice it is not relationship problems but a family problem my parents split up 8 years ago my mam now has a new boyfriend since she has got with him she doesn't bother with her grandchildren she has 6 of them 2 of which are mine the last time she seen them was over a month ago they are 3 and 5 she is a very selfish woman who always puts herself before others as for her other 4 grandchildren it is over 4 months since she has seen them they are all under the age of 7 now today she phones me up having a go at me saying I don't take the kids to see her the problem is my mam is out 7 nights a week and doesn't get home until 2 in the morning each day and when you see her she is usually hungover all she talks about is herself and couldn't give a damn about anything you say to her unless it is about herself am I the one in the one in the wrong for telling her I don't want anything to do with her anymore thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2016):
 I think C. Grant and chi both bring up some good common sense. It's NOT the norm that someone goes out drinking 7 days a week, so there IS probably something else going on there.
And there is NO way that you OWE her to come around and listen to her and her problems.
I would do as C. Grant mentions and choose people who are a positive influence on YOU and your kids to spend time with. You mom has CHOSEN to "party" hard instead of enjoying some time with her daughter and grand-babies. HER loss... her choice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2016): thank you for your answers I have often suspected mental health issues but truthfully I can always remember her being selfish as me and my brother and sister were growing up my mams mam [our nanna] was exactly the same growing up had nothing to do with any of us we grew up without a nanna the most annoying thing is my son has asked to sleep at his nannas for the past 4 years she tells him he can then the day comes around and I try to get in touch with her and get no answer then we don't hear from her for at least a week later with some pathetic excuse thank you for your answers and sorry for the rant ive made up my mind I wont be speaking to her again thank you
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 June 2016):
 My dad is exactly the same. He has been diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder, and I suspect there are more mental diseases lurking around that just hasn't been diagnosed yet/that he hasn't been open about yet. Just yesterday he had a go at me and called me names just because I had a talk with my aunt about something completely unrelated to him. And when I called him out on it, he said he never wanted to talk to me again. He blows hot and cold like this quite often. I think this is the third time he has said he never wants to talk to me again. Last year, it was my aunt he never wanted to talk to again, and that time he was calling me up back talking my aunt and calling her names. Now it's the other way around, I suspect he is calling my aunt to call me names....
He's not mentally well. Neither is your mother. You have the choice to not want to talk to her again. My two little brothers stopped talking to our father years ago, and I think their lives are happier because of it. God knows why Im still trying to have a relationship with my dad.... It's honestly not worth it.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (14 June 2016):
 No you're not in the wrong. It's up to you who you have in your life, and the lives of your children. Most people would choose people who lift them up, who are pleasant to be around, and who will be a positive influence on their children. You haven't described anyone like that. Stick to your guns -- it's your mom who's missing out, and it's her own fault.
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