A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been living on my own for some time now few years, and done actual very well, but my car broke down and so I have no way to get around I am in a very tiny rural town and without a car you cant get around. I told my mother this but never asked to live with her, she suggested for me to go live with her, she saids he would never turn away her own daughter if shes in such a situation. she said my mother did that to me when i had you and didnt have any money so I wouldnt do that to my daughter it hurts real bad I can remember how i felt. she said so you can come here i promise. I said and your husband she says it wont matter what he says cause your my daughter. WEEKS later, after im all planned and excited to spend time with my mom again and feeling relaxed about my car situation. My step father calls me who lives with her and says no your not living here i dont have the money nor the space. And i was so hurt i was like money im paying my own things food etc.. i just need to not pay the rest im paying in my place to save for a car i wont be there but a year, i said space you have a house im just crashing on the couch. I think really he just didnt want me there so I told him forget you and hung up. Called my mom and really was angry she didnt answer obviously she knew I was going to call cause she back fired on me and stabbed me. So I left her a answer machine message and told her she broke my heart lied and stabbed me in the back big time and now has left me stranded after weeks of planning and im down to 2 weeks to find a place NOW! cause of this. most important though I am hurt by what she did. I will figure out what to do because I always do, just when you think you can count on someone you sure cant in my family lesson learned. I lived with my real dad my whole life but had a close relationship with my mom, but my dad is out the question he has to many kids and things going on to even consider me staying with him and again I would never ask. I didnt ask her she invited me thats the crazy part. What do you think about what she did? Is there room for healing and forgiveness for this? Shouldnt she apologize etc... please fill me in thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Your mother is weak, her boyfriend knows he has upset her by not allowing you to stay yet still went ahead with it. He made the call because your mother could not do it, she wont answer your call because she feels ashamed...rightly so!although you are now in a situation you had not anticipated, you have time to find somewhere else to stay.but remember your mother is your mother its the only one you ever have, (although dissapointed) try and feel some sympathy towards her living with such a man. an apology would be nice, but she wanted to give you a roof over your head. try and find it in yourself to forgive her, i cannot imagine how she is feeling. some people do not stand up for themselves or others, you on the other hand show those qualities.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 September 2009):
 I'll bet this isn't the first and won't be the last time your mother lets you down. Some women are just plain lousy mothers. I feel your hurt and anger. But I know you'll come out of this in fine shape, I can tell you are a strong person. Best of luck, honey.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 She should talk to you about it, but it sounds like you'll be disappointed again if you expect it.
To apologize, she'd need to behave like a responsible adult. A responsible adult who could not accommodate her daughter after such a promise would not allow her husband to contact the daughter or avoid her daughter's calls.
She is ashamed, as she should be because as Emilysanswers points out, she was weak.
Yes there is room for forgiveness. There is always room, although it may take you some time.
But I do not think your apology will be forth-coming.
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A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (16 September 2009):
 that's pretty messed up... regardless, she's your mom...you'll always love her. It's not something to break everything off with her, but I would def be sore about it. You should talk to her, express how you feel. Get a chance to hear it come from her mouth and get her side of the story. As a mother of 3, I personally would not let any of my kids go homeless no matter how old they are or how much of a financial situation I'm in. If you have to crash on the couch, then so be it...it's better than the streets ya know? Is it just you? Or your husband also? Or maybe just ask her if you can crash there a month till you find something else. A year sounds pretty dense sleeping on the couch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): thanks, yeah hes cheated on her too my friend has said the same pity and shame. thanks for answering!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 September 2009):
Sounds like your mum is just a pretty weak person when it comes to it.
She's not willing to stand up to her bully of a boyfriend and he obviously doesn't care enough about her to make a bit of effort with you.
I think you have to accept that some times you have to love someone, and just have low expectations of them. I love my mum but I don't ever expect her to ever be there for me or care. She'd probably be very hurt if she knew how little I think of her, so I just keep my head down and then am not surprised when she messes up.
Yes this hurts, but just accept that she is going to be punished in the grand scheme of things by being with the man she is with.
Pity her and at least you know where you stand for the future. At least you have found out while you CAN still sort yourself out and not in a real emergency.
Good Luck!! xx
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