A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I could really use some advice.My mom is not well. She has some kind of mood disorder which causes her to cry, lash out in extreme anger, and then be perfectly fine. Sometimes all of these moods happen in the same day. I have asked a doctor, who told me she is not bi-polar but that she is depressed. I think thats wrong, because depression doesnt make you extremely angry. My mom has been like this for almost two years.It had gotten so bad, she almost lost her job because her moods are swinging at work.It is painful for me to see this happening to her.The problem is, she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. She refuses to take medication. She refuses to see a psychotherapist. She refuses to see a relationship counselor. If my dad tries to help her, it ends in an explosive fight. After taking this for two years, my dads health is starting to go down.My family is desperate. I hate the atmosphere and want to move out but I have no money. What do I do? At this point, I dont see how anything but a forced intervention would work?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 "Mom, I'm concerned about you. You've been having major mood swings and big fights with Dad. I hate to see you suffering and so I'm going to ask that you see a doctor. When I talked to you about this in the past, you got angry and lashed out. I don't know what to do or how to help you any more. It's making me very sad and it is really stressful. I'm going to write down when you are upset and have explosive emotions so someone has a log of it, maybe that will help convince you the problem is real."
You wrote: 'The problem is, she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her.' How do you know this? Have you talked to her or did you hear this from someone else? If from someone else, who? 'She refuses to take medication.' If she hasn't seen a doctor, which medication would that be? Are you assuming that she would have to take medication? 'She refuses to see a psychotherapist.' Again, who told you this, Mom, or someone else? 'She refuses to see a relationship counselor.' Mom told you, or did someone else? 'If my dad tries to help her, it ends in an explosive fight. After taking this for two years, my dads health is starting to go down.' I wonder... if it is your Dad who is the conduit of information, perhaps there is something going one that he's not telling you? Maybe he is acting as a buffer to keep the kids away from the problem?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Hi, Im the one who asked the question.
My mom is 50. She is having menopause for sure, but like I said she wont see a doctor and she wont take any medication. So her moods will continue to be horrible. My dad has told her how bad it is, and she just gets ene angrier. It feels hopeless.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2012):
 And FWIW I agree it sounds like Peri-menopause.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (10 May 2012):
Hi there. It could be one of a couple of things, or else a combination of both.
If your mother is approaching her late 40's to early 50's, it's highly likely that she is going through menopause, which can often include depressive symptoms.
Some of these symptoms are, (and they are very common):-
- Hot flushes
- Night sweats
- Mood swings
- Generally flying off the handle at really small things
- Short-tempered
- Not sleeping well at night
- Sleeplessness (which would naturally make her tired most of the time and therefore a bit grouchy)
- Feelings of depression and hopelessness
- Just seemingly never happy
- Anger sometimes and sadness others
- Crying for no reason and not being able to explain how she felt.
And especially as you have said it's only happened over the last 2 years, well that makes me believe it very well could be menopause, for sure.
I would be very surprised if it wasn't menopause.
She probably doesn't realize how bad she feels, and so is in some kind of denial about it all.
Your father needs to talk to her about it and how it has now affected his health also, in a very negative way.
It could come to a point where he needs to express how difficult and challenging it is to live with her during these last 2 years, and to have her hormone levels checked by your local family doctor.
That is a blood test, and it will show the levels of all her hormones.
Then her doctor will probably prescribe for her, some hormone replacement therapy medication - which will raise her oestrogen level to normal.
Oestrogen on it's own it considered much safer for women these days, as the medications which contain other hormones put women at risk of cervical cancer, so most doctors don't recommend anything other than pure oestrogen.
When I first started menopause 11 years ago, I mainly had the hot flushes, but I didn't have any other symptoms.
My doctor put me on "Livial", and I can tell you, that within 3 days, my hot flushes completely disappeared!
I was on them for 5 years, by which time all the usual symptoms of menopause had all disappeared completely, and everything in my body had settled down again and I felt fantastic!
And I have never looked back.
If your mother is still getting her monthly period, well then she could be fast approaching menopause and actually be pre-menopausal. And there will be some symptoms of what I described above.
The other of two possibilities as I mentioned right at the beginning, is a sense of lack of purpose in her life and wondering if she should be doing more with her life.
As a mother, for so many years now, she has been bringing up all you kids and probably as most mothers do, she might have been putting her own needs last.
And if this is the case, she could now be getting frustrated about where her life is going, and wants to find some meaningfulness, in addition to her existing family life.
And this is known as a mid-life crisis.
And if she is also menopausal or pre-menopausal, well then these feelings of something missing will only be exacerbated.
It could help her, to dedicate some time to herself every day for at least one hour, doing something she really enjoys.
Perhaps she could begin a new hobby or creative pursuit, which could take her to another mental place where no problems exist, and where she finds peace.
It's important to find peace. In fact, it's absolutely vital.
And if she starts to do this on a regular basis during her average day, well then she will become a whole lot calmer.
And of course, much happier as well.
It's possible that she doesn't even realize this herself at the moment.
Creative pursuits are fantastic for this - drawing, painting, embroidery sewing, even taking some creative classes to learn a new craft, and then she meets new people at the same time and makes some new friends!
Maybe once a week she could meet up with some of her friends and have a coffee and cake at a local cafe, and have some nice conversations and a few laughs, and a really enjoyable afternoon.
Perhaps she could join a women's tennis group and play tennis for a couple of hours one day a week.
Maybe she could take up golf if she likes golf and join a women's golf group once a week.
And another good thing to do as well, is to go out walking as often as she can, around where you live.
Walking every day, or at least 3-5 days a week every week, is absolutely fantastic for raising the spirits and lifting a low mood.
Exercise generally, is very well known for relaxing people and to combat depressive feelings and it DOES work, it really does.
And not only does it lift a low mood, it also relaxes you and enables you to sleep very well at night, allowing you to feel great and full of energy the next day.
Maybe you could suggest going for a walk - and walk with her, and you can talk while you walk.
Walking for 30 minutes at a time is a good time to walk for, and it won't be too tiring, and make sure you keep up a good pace.
I hope this helps your mother.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2012):
has your mom had a medical work up? would she be ok with that... many folks don't want to do psych work ups but will have a medical work up as there is less shame in that.
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A
female
reader, ashley2011 +, writes (10 May 2012):
 If i were you i would tell your mother why its important to treat her in hospital.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 May 2012):
 Hi
How old is your mum? Could be something to do with the menopause - that causes terrible mood swings amongst other things.
You could suggest it, that she talks to her doctor about it,its a natural condition. If its not that then her doctor can talk to her. If she refuses, then get another female relative or her close friend to talk to her, tell them exactly how your mums been. Dont move out,it will get better. If all fails then approach your Dr to see if somebody can talk to her at home.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 Kindly don't move out. This is the time your parents really need your support and care.
try to explain to your Mom that seeing doctor isn't always because of illness but to consult & hv different views frm experts.I hope it'll help. Keep your mind Positive as you had to be strong yourself for your parents sake. Keep the Faith!
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