A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this problem and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm gay. I came out years ago and my family have always been cool about it since they saw it coming. My mother especially as I always stood by her and helped her through a divorce to my father. I'm 26 years old now and she's met a new guy, he's 59 years old, smart, funny and he's amazing. About two weeks ago we all went out for dinner so my younger sister could meet him and get to know him better since she's always off working elsewhere and it's just me and mum at home. On the way home her boyfriend "patrick" put his hand on my thigh and we smiled at each other. I felt this rush of excitement like no other and I am falling for him. Since then we have engaged in oral sex which I didn't want to do in the sense that I didn't want to hurt my mum but we just got caught up in the moment.I feel so guilty but how can I tell her that it'd break her heart. I know you all will tell me that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I didn't plan it and I didn't go out to do what I did. But in a way I'm glad - do I really want her to be with someone who would treat her this way?Not saying I want him and I should have him as an excuse but I know that she wouldn't take it well ignoring the fact that it's me he's cheating with. I wouldn't want her to be with anyone that didn't just want her and that would hurt her so badly - if he hadn't of played on my weakness I would have never thought twice about it. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): Well for starters make sure you don't do it again! If he goes near you in that way again you tell him it is highly inappropriate, you regret doing what you did and never want any such thing to happen again. As for telling your Mum, well that is going to be up to you. I get where you're coming from re she should know what sort of guy he is, but at the same time she might never speak to you again!
A
female
reader, lilly123 +, writes (7 September 2008):
 i agree with lance you should stop acting like the innocent party i mean how could you do that to your mother, she is going to be crushed but you have to tell her if you love her at all you cannot let her stay with a guy that would have sex with her son and you have to tell her. Same on you for doing that but now you have to step up and be a man an tell her the truth before she finds out another way because that will hurt so much more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Hi...this is a very frantic situation. I think you should have a word with im on the quiet and say that he should split with your mum. Explain that blood is thicker than water and out of decency he should leave. Imagine if he does split with her in time and he blarts out what happend years before. If he has any dignity, he will understand. He must be very selfish and would expect you're quite vulnerable too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Well, the first thing you should do is to start accepting the blame for this predicament you find yourself in. Stop acting like you're the innocent party who was too weak to resist his seduction. Sure, he's been a complete bastard towards your mum, but what does that make you? It's not as if you're a kid - you are a 26 year old man, fully responsible for your actions. Deal with it, accept what happened has happened and put it behind you. Your mum is mature enough to make and learn from her own mistakes without you making things worse for her by blabbing about this. Would SHE want a son who has hurt HER so badly?
I'm sorry if all this seems harsh but I would say, do the mature thing, try to forget about it, don't repeat it, move on from it. Your punishment is your guilt which eventually will subside.
A lesson learned?
Good luck.
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