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anonymous
writes: I'm 15 and I had a secret boyfriend who has just turned 20. Recently my mom just found out and broke us apart. I'm allowed no contact at all and I feel like I love him but nobody gives me support. Is it reallly that wrong? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I think if he respected you he would take into consideration what your mother has to say.
If he loves you then he would be willing to wait for you til you are of legal age.
I say if Mom is okay with you and him meeting so long as she is present- to keep the relationship non sexual is an option that isn't explored and needs to be.
In the end, your mother loves you and does in fact want what is best for you and does in have wisdom on her side when she made her decision.
I think a relationship with Mom is more important than some 20 year old. He's a grown man for crying out loud, what is he doing prowling around some young girl?
I agree that you are rushing into being an "adult" and to be taken "seriously" but if you want this I think you need to respect Mom's wishes.
I suggest it is time for you and your mother to get some relationship counselling.
You can both start to see the other's side and you will have support and will be better able to understand one another.
I say if you had had a close and loving relationship with Mom; you wouldn't feel the need of a 20 year old man's attentions...where is Dad in all of this?
*hugs*
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Okay, i so understand!! I started going out with a guy when i was 13 and he was 17 going on 18. Before he turned 18, we had sex and after that we stayed together. LAst year i was 14 and he was 18 and my family found out. they all stoppped me from talking to him, but we didnt care and stayed together. now i am 16 and he is 20 and we are still together. my family thinks that it has been over and i plan on tellin them. when they broke us up i felt that it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Just give it a little time and if he really wants to be with you, he will try anything to tak to you and keep in contact with you. Good Luck and just hang in there!
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reader, REBECCA +, writes (13 April 2005):
HiThis is from someone who has been there! You say you think you love him? At 15 you love everyone you get close to because there new feelings and you haven't learnt how to separate them. I fell in love with a sports teacher at school he was 23 my mum tried to stop me from seeing him and ban him from the house! This pushed me into seeing him more and had sex all the time and it was great! But this is all we had in common and I soon found out that he didn't want to be with me really he just wanted sex!!! Please take my advise and realise that you are under age for sexual intercourse and the guy you are seeing could be arrested! Take precautions at all times! What you also have to ask yourself why is he interested in someone so young and what do you have in common.Please don't fight with your mum over this guy you only have one mum!Take Care
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 April 2005):
 Sometimes we're our own worst enemies.See, part of the reason that your mom doesn't trust you is that you kept this guy a "secret" from her. Right away, that's a red flag to any mother of a 15-year-old daughter! She's thinking "Oh geez, if this guy's scared to meet me, he must only be wanting sex and nothing else!"Speaking personally, I did almost exactly the same thing at your age, only I was 16 and my secret b/f was 24. All gags aside, he really did have "only one thing on his mind". At the ages we both were, we had exactly ZERO in common, except the sex. Which we did constantly. (I'll bet this sounds familiar.)My mom also found out and also forbade me to see him, but my story ends badly: I moved out of home to marry the secret boyfriend and ended up a year later, in another state, living in a caravan with an abuser. (Divorce was inevitable.)As to your problem, you need to try to consider this from everyone's viewpoint. Your mom - no matter how revolting the suggestion sounds - was once a hot-to-trot 15-year-old herself. She knows exactly what it's like... BUT, she also has the experience to know what 20-year-old guys are like and that their interest in girls your age is purely sexual.Therefore, she's trying to protect you from getting into a situation that you might not have the experience to control. She's trying to keep you safe.Your boyfriend, on the other hand, probably doesn't have your best interests at heart, I'm sorry to say. Having been there more than once, I can tell you candidly that if you told him that sex was definitely NOT an option, it would severely puncture his feelings about this relationship. If you don't believe me, then you're kidding yourself. You also have to wonder about a young man who doesn't date women his own age... What's wrong with a guy who has to pick up girls who aren't even legal yet?There's also that issue: that he's a legal adult and you're not, so there are statutory rape issues, if you have sex with him. Your mom knows this too, and I'm sure that this is something that you'd all rather avoid.Yes, I know it's great fun to go out and feel grown-up with a guy who's older, but what's the rush? You'll *be* older, very soon. Why not find some interests with guys your own age and speed for a while?I recommend that you trust your mom on this one. The "support" that you need is not in getting back together with the Secret BF, but in finding someone who actually likes you for you, and has interests aligned with yours. Five years between you is fine when you get to be 25 or 30 and he's 30 or 35, but at the age you are now, there's just not enough in common.Sorry hon. I vote with Mom on this one.
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