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*onny
writes: I have fallen in love with one of my best friends, but she does not know how I feel for her. We are both 17 and go to the same sixth form college. My feelings for her have grown over time, and I want to tell her how I really feel. I wish that there was more between us than just our fantastic friendship. However, I am afraid to tell her, as I think that in her heart she only sees me as a friend. She has a boyfriend who lives 150 miles away in London, and he is 22. They have been together for 1 and a half years, and she does seem to love him. I do not want to lose our friendship, and am afraid this would happen if I were to tell her. But not telling her has begun to make me feel guilty and down. Should i tell her my true feelings, or keep them to myself?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): whats TRUE FEELINGS?
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reader, misty +, writes (9 April 2005):
No, not if you want to stay friends.One of so-called best mates done that to me knowing full well I had a man and was happy. After, things were awful with us. I felt so uneasy around him after that and she will be the same I'm pretty sure.If you really love her then stay her mate and just be there for her when she needs you. You naver know. if they don't work out she might in time turn to you the person she will know she can lean on.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 April 2005):
 All is not lost! You sound like a sweetheart of a young man and you have good instincts, too. Yes, you're right to value the friendship that you two have over any romantic potential. Friendship will see you through your whole life, but it could also lead on to who-knows-what...?You should never take any action that would undermine her love for her boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that you can't also be someone she admires and cares for. Still, what seems like a immovable stone wall today could well be rubble tomorrow, so maybe her distant boyfriend mightn't be the only man she ever loves, if you take my meaning.I do suspect that she already knows your feelings and maybe chooses not to recognise them, because it will make things too messy for her, but I know you probably feel like you'll split a seam if you don't say something.I can see two ways to handle this. Pick one or both. Or neither.The first thing is to purge yourself of everything you've ever wanted to say to her. Put it all down on paper. Type it on the computer if you want, so you can let it flow as fast as you can. Make the letter beautiful and detailed and romantic and let your fantasies flow... Then, when you've finally said it all, get rid of the letter. PLEASE don't give it to her. The point of the exercise is to expunge all that you want to say from your soul, so you can relax and think clearly.The second thing is to tell her only part of how you feel. You don't have to give her every tiny detail and wax lyrical about her beauty. Just say, "You're a wonderful person and I value your friendship more than anything. But I also want you to know that I wish we could be more than friends and sometimes I'm sorry that you have a boyfriend already. If you're ever wanted to, I'd love to move our friendship up to another level."Well, your words will be prettier than that, but you can see what I mean. But don't hold back everything completely, because you just can't see what the future holds. Maybe one day she and the boyfriend part company for reasons you don't even know about and if you haven't let her know how much you care, how will she know..?Good luck, take care!
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