A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I lived in a different state, this guy and I met online. I was 17 and he was 19. The relationship--should it become physical (and it did)--was ENTIRELY legal as the age of consent there was 16. He went to U of M and ended up driving to my town one day so that we could meet in person, about a month after we had met online. Anyway, I ended up moving out of state, and where I live now, the age of consent is 18! And I'm still 17 and he's now 20! If we were still meeting in person and for sexual purposes, our relationship would be illegal :( But we AREN'T, so our relationship IS LEGAL even if our conversations are sexual in nature, based on the information I found online: http://www.moraloutrage.net/staticpages/index.php?page=Wisconsin . (and if I somehow misunderstood those things, feel free to say so)In April, I will be moving to my dad's house and there, the age of consent is 17 and our relationship (should we meet again) would again be legal. Anyway, until then (5 more months!) I have to deal with my mom. In September, I decided to tell her about him since our relationship was legal and I figured she wouldn't have a problem with it. At first, she didn't have a problem with it--she almost seemed excited (?!)! For the first month, she stayed that way and had absolutely no issue with it. In fact, she even flat out said that because of my age, she couldn't do anything about it (and she wouldn't try to) and she trusted me. But all of a sudden, she's playing games with me and is trying to make him out to be a pedophile! I am SEVENTEEN! He's TWENTY! And for Christ's sake, aside from when we met in Michigan the guy has never seen me in anything but a shirt and jeans! Additionally, she's decided to reveal to me that she now has a problem with the fact that I am exclusively attracted to black men, and that she is disgusted by the fact that my "boyfriend" is black, and in fact, she said that this makes her even more suspicious of him. Long story short, she now wants to talk to him. She's racist. She thinks he's a pedophile for being 20 and being attracted to a 17 year old. And now she wants to have a conversation with him--you and I both know how that is going to go!I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do, and I honestly just want to cry because I cannot believe that my mom is suddenly being this way with him. He does not know that she knows about him, though he never mentioned to me that we should try and keep things secret--he never pressured me to do that. Anyway, what do I do? How do I bring this up with him? How do I tell him about her character and the nasty person she is inside in regards to the fact that he is black? And while I'm sure this is a glib question considering that the first thing to come to mind is, "well, if he loves you than he wouldn't leave you," how could I possibly this in a way where he doesn't end up saying that he's done with me because he wants no part in all of this immature drama?Granted, I'd say that we are more friends than anything. Do I plan on meeting him again? No. Am I in love with him? No. Could I see myself spending my life with him? No. But I still don't want this to end!What do I do???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): I told her all of those things when I first told her about the relationship!
--and in the mean time, she still goes around mocking me, asking me questions in reference to the fact that "I'm in love with him" and I have to correct her every time!
--but yet, out of nowhere she will bring up the idea of me stripping on webcams online and she'll say that she thinks it would be cool if I did that! WTF? So it's only if I'm getting NAKED for the guy, ruining my future career plans, and making a few bucks for her dope habits that she wouldn't have a problem with it? But if I have an older friend of a different race her world falls apart?!
5 more months . . . but in the mean time, I have to figure out what to do. She said that she wants to do this as soon as my stepdad leaves again, which is early next week.
As for telling her I met someone else, here's the problem: just yesterday, here's a convo we had:
"Why are you smiling?"
"I'm not! I'm nodding in agreement because she does the same thing to me!"
"were you talking to [the guy]"
"No! He's sleeping right now! It's 3am there!"
"Have you been talking to him?"
"Yes."
"SINCE WHEN?"
"Yesterday."
"I THOUGHT YOU AND I AGREED THAT YOU WOULD NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN!"
"uhh no. I never agreed to that, I never will agree to that, and you never suggested that."
"Than I want to talk to him."
--I just walk away--
She knows that we've talked recently. For the time being, I'm just going to assume that she's making empty threats, but in the event that she ends up still wanting to go through with it, I still want to give him a few days heads up .
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 November 2008):
Do I plan on meeting him again? No. Am I in love with him? No. Could I see myself spending my life with him? No.
Why don't you tell you mum that you have decided all this.
As long as she knows it's all just online chat then she might be re-assured. If she is racist then she's probably imagining her grandchildren coming to some posh dinner party with her friends and talking like Snoop Dogg.
Either that or lie. You are never going to meet him again so as long as he is purely an online friend then she doesn't need to know that he is one of many online friends you have.
I don't think telling a white lie about someone who is (at the end of the day) words on a screen, is going to do you any harm.
Tell her you have met someone else online or go out and make friends with a few white boys. If she is racist then she can't be very bright so not hard to fool.
Congrats on not following in her footsteps by the way.
Good Luck!! xx
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