A
female
age
36-40,
*usha
writes:Sorry so long! I met this guy back in April. He's 24, I'm 20. He was my manager at the clothing store I worked at. Long story short, we became friends (we had a ton in common) and we always hung out/talked, etc, at the store, but never outside because managers weren't supposed to hang out with subordinates. Even though we weren't supposed to, we'd text back and forth on our off days, etc. So a month or two ago, he left the store and now that he's not my manager anymore, we text regularly, but we've never actually talked on the phone. I don't think either of us are phone people. Nevertheless, though we've never admitted it, I think there's always been this underlying sexual tension between us. Like we were attracted to each other, but couldn't say anything.Anyway, like two weeks ago one day he texts me in the middle of the night (not that out of the blue) but he says he's been drinking a bit. He basically tells me how attracted he is to me and how much he wants me. Being that he's drunk I didn't get offended take it too seriously and I figured that he was just horny, but I played along with him and admitted that I was attracted to him too. We ended up having "text sex" for like, three hours. The next day we talked about it and stuff and I asked if he remembered all the stuff he told me and he told me he did. So since then, we talk like regular about regular stuff (work, school, soccer, etc,) but now and then one of us will initiate some sort of raunchy texting. Anyway, today we were 'dirty texting' and i was like "There must be plenty of girls u can hook up with. Why haven't you if you're so 'lonely'?" And he told me he usually likes to be in a relationship with a girl before he does anything with her and he doesn't like to hook up with random chicks because he likes to be safe. So then I said "But you're NOT looking for a relationship right now?" And he said no because he was so busy with work and soccer.So, basically, I've heard him say that to other people (that he doesn't have time for a gf because he wouldn't be able to pay that much attention to her) and I understand. Whatever. At least he was honest...? So that obviously means he's attracted to me, but just wants to have sex, right? I think I want to, because I think he's a great person and I think he'd be really nice about it being my first time (I'm a virgin, he's not,) but at the same time I'm afraid. I know that I had a HUGE crush on him when he was my manager, but I don't really anymore because I don't see him EVERY SINGLE DAY so I don't think about him ALL the time. I'm still madly attracted to him however. I'm just scared if I do anything with him all my "crush" feelings will come rushing back and complicate everything.What do you think about the situation? He doesn't want a relationship because he "doesn't have time for one", but he doesn't like to randomly hook up with girls either. Yet he wants to hook up with me? He's a huge flirt and he flirted with everyone at the store, but people used to always joke that he liked me, just because we'd always be in some deep convo (usually about random philosophical stuff. lol!) and we told each other all these private things about out family and childhoods, etc. I'd always catch him staring at me and he'd always give me rides home, but he was never overtly sexual or sleazy and always very polite. I dunno. Is there any chance that he MIGHT actually like me and not JUST want sex? I kind of have a feeling he does, but not enough to override his not wanting a gf at the moment. What do you think? :/
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female
reader, irishgirl24  +, writes (8 November 2008):
 I have no doubt in my mind that he likes you but he has made it very clear to you that he's NOT looking for a girlfriend because of his committments!i think it would be a HUGE mistake if you were to sleep with him because believe me you will regret it!i know because it happened to me and it took me years to get over this guy as i realise now that i wasn't emotionaly ready to handle that kind of relationship, it only natural to associate your first time with feelings of love etc., where as for him it will just be sex!I really hope you decide against it and find someone who will give you everything you need and deserve!good luck :0)
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 November 2008):
Don't do it sweetie.
If you had had relationships before and were experienced with men and sex then you could be his sex buddy.
My friend lost her virginity to the guy she had a HUGE crush on. Then continued to have sex with him through summer because she was completely in love with him and he said he just wanted some fun.
She got SO messed up by it because she was there desperately trying to pick up any crumb of affection he gave and taking it as a sign that he might just MIGHT like her back.
She'd text me and say "but today he put his arm round me!!" and I'd say, "I put my arms round you, it doesn't mean I like you, it just means he's been horrible to you again and told you it will never happen and you've been crying."
Do you really want to remember your first time as being with a guy who you liked and then who changed his circumstances, met another girl and left you because you were just for fun?
Think worst case scenario. It's not worth the risk.
Good Luck!! xx
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