A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was younger my mom told me that she had me with her ex boyfriend who had since left her. But when I turned 18 my mom said "Now that you're an adult, I need to tell you the truth." Turns out the real reason I exist is cause my mom got drunk and had one night stand with a guy she doesn't remember.I don't want to pass judgement on my mom but at the same time I'm having trouble accepting this. Cause according to her previous answer, at least she was sort of in love when she made me. But now it appears I don't really exist for any reason. Except my mom was restless.I always thought everything happens for reason but I guess I don't have a reason. I'm just having trouble accepting this fact what can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): I'm in a similar position to your mum. I'm nearly 20 and having a baby that is the result of a one night stand with a turkish boy the same age as me whilst I was on holiday. We used a condom but it must have split. The only way I have of contacting him is facebook, although I haven't spoken to him since the holiday. I know I have to tell him because it's not fair on him or my baby, but I dont know how he's going to react, if he says he doesnt want anything to do with the baby I don't know what Im going to tell my baby boy when hes older and asks where is dad is. Your question has really opened my eyes to the childs point of view. I dont know really know how to make you feel better, but try not to be too annoyed at your mum, this is a very difficult position to be in, it can be argued that the simplest option would have been an abortion but its funny how quick, even with an unplanned pregnancy, that you feel the connection and bond with your child. You know you love them before you've even seen them and the fact that they were the result of a one night stand doesnt alter how much you love them not even a tiny bit. Just because you mum didnt love your father it doesnt change how much she loves and cares for you and it doesnt mean that you arent here for a reason, as someone else said, just the fact your mum chose to have you even though she couldnt have the support of your father is a the reason your here, she may not have chosen to "create" you but she chose to keep you despite the situation being far from ideal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): hello sweety, i know whats goin on to ur feelings right now, you dont have to force your self to something that you are not really ready yet. but what about taking it a time, relax give your self time & your mom too of course..
you are not alone in this world honey, everybody had their history from the back, but look at the bright side, she kept you" she bring u into this world. some woman if this thing happen to them they just do an abortion they just do it. but u see ur mom is super" dont you think that its also hard for her to become a mother without a partner in life! the only reason that you exist is " SHE LOVE YOU.. take it or leave it.. good luck baby
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): This is a difficult one to answer for anyone who has not been in the same situation as you.
Whether you are the result of a committed relationship or a one night stand has no bearing on the fact that however you came to be, your mother loved you enough not to have you adopted, as many would have either done or been forced to do, and has brought you up to be the person you are today.
I guess your mother broke this news to you to save you the grief of trying to find your father which would probably be destined to failure. Your mother has lived with this secret for the last eighteen years, and must for all that time have been agonising over whether to tell you the truth and if so, when. I can't even begin to realise how both of you are feeling right now.
No matter how they came about, everyone on this earth - and everything - has been put here for a reason and you won't have been any different. You now have the rest of your life to do good in the world, and I'm sure you will.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 October 2008):
You did happen for a reason!
That one night stand happened and your mum got a beautiful baby boy who she loves.
I bet she is happy in life now and you have made her life better.
She's told you a happy little story before because kids need to know they are loved, they are too imature to understand about drinking and one night stands.
Also she needed to get into your head that babies should come from love and that is what sex is about. She knows that you will learn a lot about relationships from your mum and dad and this way you have grown up to respect women.
If she told you from a young age that your dad took advantage of a woman who was off her face on booze and didn't use protection, then you might have grown up thinking this was an ok thing to do because your mum turned out ok afterwards and doesn't cry all the time. Now you can apprieciate that she may have hidden the pain from you but has no regrets because you came from it.
Accept that she told you what she thought was best and that yes, it happened for a reason, and that reason was you!
Be the best you can and don't let fate down!
Good Luck!! xx
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