A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a girl for 6 months. To full understand this situation perhaps a brief back story is needed. She was involved with one of my friends for a period of time, while they were together he encouraged her o begin becoming friends with me, as he felt that it was important. We were living in different places and I had never met this girl. She added me on Facebook, and the next day we began communicating over instant messaging. We talked almost nightly, sometimes very late into the night. We both never thought anything of it, but unbeknownst to us we were actually becoming very close, falling for each other and essentially engaging in an emotional affair. This continued through to this past August, at which time I moved to a place 4 hours from where she lived. Her and my friend were on a break, but really they were over, and had been for a few months. We ended up meeting and completely falling for each-other, falling fast, and falling hard. Over the next four months we were basically living together, spending probably five out of 7 days visiting each-other, and everything was perfect. I brought her home to meet my family and thats where things started to go downhill. We were still fine, our relationship is always fine within each other and requires no work. When she left my mother gave me a very stern lecture that I should leave her, that she was the kind of girl that will trap someone, a fatal attraction, and the type of person that will change to be in love with me, and my ideal woman. I was very confused after this experience, but persevered. Two months later I was forced to move. She (my girl) was the biggest proponent of my leaving as she saw the opportunity that it presented for my endeavours. We have been carrying on a long distance relationship since getting here, and it has been relatively easy, and still only manage to grow closer. My parents are in complete opposition to any sort of a continuation with this girl, they feel she is not right, and she will ruin me and drag me down, because of her instability etc. All of which I must admit I dont see, perhaps because of the love I feel for her. She talks of marriage and forever, and I just need to know if it is her needing someone to be in an advanced relationship with, or if it is genuine. My biggest dilemma is I am at the point where I need to tell my parents all the details of my feelings, tell them my plans and commit to this woman, or end it with her, something that would hurt both of us very much. The issue is i dont want to put myself out there, and have this blow up in my face, with my parents ending up being right.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 Well it sounds to me after what you have just said that you two are perfect for each other. She has done nothing wrong and your parents concerns are completely unjustified, you are a lucky guy to have a relationship like you have and you should keep hold of it!The longer the two of you are together, the more it will prove to your parents that you are right for each other and I'm sure they will be more understanding in time. Even if part of the reason why your girlfriend is with you is for stability, that isnt a bad thing! Its a good thing to be stable in a relationship, your parents seem to have some unusual ideas of what is "fatal" in a relationship.You both seem to have a strong focus on your futures and if you are both entering into sports careers then you can only help each other rather than one dragging the other down as you both understand what is required to suceed in your chosen career.I think your parents are wrong on this one and you need to prove them wrong - be happy together and be successful; then they can have nothing to be worried about!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has had previous long term relationships, both in which she said I love you. She experienced a troubled childhood, her mother dying among other things, comes from a relatively strong family but as been living on her own since 15 to train for her sport. My parents think she is unstable and will only drag me down in my endeavors. This is how they see her as fatal. They say she is with me because she needs some form of stability in her life, or even a male presence. As far as settling down, that wouldn't be even possible for years as we both are pursuing our separate sports careers, by necessity in different countries. It is comforting to know that we can do long distance like we do. I do trust her, more than anything, she is my best friend, we have been there for each other for a long time. The fact that she has stayed with me through all the hurt and difficulty my mother has caused already amazes me, and she always tells me that she will never leave me, the man she was with mistreated her and never was good to her, hence her coming to me even when they were dating. Beyond that my parents have not seen us together other than that visit of a few days (granted it was a stressful and not a good situation), and I don't think they understand the way we work as teammates. All my parents can see is that she will drag me down, steal my focus, and prevent me from my goals.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 January 2009):
Even if this all does go wrong then it shouldnt matter whether or not your parents are right, the most important thing is that you learn lessons for yourself and learn from your mistakes. You havent really said in your questions what this girl has done to make your parents think the way they do? You have only really mentioned what they have said about her not what it is based upon. Because of this I cant really offer you any advice on whether or not your girl is genuine.From what you have said, you are both very much in love and want to be together. If she has never done wrong by you then you have no reasons not to trust her.My only concern is that you went behind your friends back (almost - I know they were on a break but still its not something that friends do) to be with this girl. And then she left him for you, you should be concerned that if she left one guy for you then she could do the same again. I'm not sure how old you both are but from your age at the top of the page, you are pretty young to be thinking of settling down. If your relationship is still strong long distance then I would advise you to stay put, just enjoy being together and dont rush things. The longer you are with her, the more you will find out about her intentions. Dont rush into marriage or living together until all your doubts have gone.Dont worry too much about your parents, it is your life to live and you will only learn from your mistakes - they make you a stronger person.Good luck!
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