A
female
age
30-35,
*ay08
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 7 months. We have known each other for four years. We get along well, although we have our ups and downs- as most everyone does. But we have one huge problem with our relationship- my mom. She gets so involved in my relationships, but not in a good way. She knows I hate when she is disappointed in me, so she uses that when she feels like I need to find someone else to be with. I have been in two serious relationships, including this one. And both times, after we date for awhile, when she starts to think its been to long- she starts to guilt me. Gets angry when I say we are hanging out. Even though just a few weeks ago she was happy we were together. Everyone I asks just says- talk to her! She will understand. She doesn't. Talking just makes it hard to live with. My last relationship, she guilted me so much that him and I broke up. And I don't want this to happen this time, I love my mom. She is a good mom. And i don't like when she is disappointed... but I need to live my life. And make my own decisions... any suggestions? Should I just not tell her, say we are just friends. and wait until I am older to tell her the truth. Or tell her the truth.. and live with her being angry until i break up with him... It would be different if he was bad, or if she could even list one reason why she thinks he is bad. However, she can't. she just wants me to be with someone she considers perfect...Please help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): I know what you are going through. My mom wants me to break up with my fiancee. We have been together for 4 years. She likes him as a person, but due to him being laid off and being unemployed, she says that he isnt the right person for me. She wants me to find someone that is a college graduate and already has a career. Eventhough we are both in college. I love my fiancee and understand that it is really hard to find a job now in this economy, i love my mom too but when I tell her that I dont want to she is disappointed. Her being disappointed kills me more than anything. I want to make her happy but I love my fiancee and don't want to break up with him. For the last couple of weeks i have been deeply depressed because I love my fiancee, and love my mother. I don't want to regret breaking up, and I don't want to disappoint my mother. I don't know what to do.
A
female
reader, Kathy James  +, writes (18 August 2009):
The same condition I am going thru. I love my mom alottt and I love him too. But till now i have'nt found any solution because its no point talking to my mom. As she won't understand as she finds me young and stupid. And according to her, its not good to have a bf. But iv tried to do everything, but nothing helped. Now i'm just quite, Iv'e stopped talking to my mom as I used to b4. Because everytime she taunts me and situations become worse. I don't won't to loose him and want my mom to be happy also. I have twice in frustration ended up in declaring a break up which was widout reason. We were happy but I just did it because of my mom. But I didnt tell her. After 4-5 days, i realized that breaking up would still make no difference to my mom. If we are financially not strong, everything comes on me. Atleast if I stay with him, I am happy. Last relationship, I didnt have bcoz of my mom. I loved the guy alottt for almost 3.5 years but never told him bcoz of my mom. he too asked me but I refused. I didnt make any relationship for 3.5 years but atlast he got married. At that time, everyone was happy, And the only person who used to cry every night was me. The person who got sick was me. No one knew that i love some 1 badly. I never told anyone. I just believed that "if its a true love, God will send it to me in future and he will be mine". But nothing happened, I was heart broken and shattered. And now when I'm really happy, My mom isn't supporting. I'm really upset. So i'm just moving on because I want to love both of them and be true to both of them. I don't want to make choices as my mom wants me to choose him or her. I want to live with both of them. I thought of not discussing it with my mom anymore and just being silent. Let it go the way she is being bad to me. I'm just waiting for 3-4 years to pass by.All the best
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Dont tell her if you can get away with not telling her.
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