A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My mom is extremely annoying. She's overprotective of me since childhood, and continues to be so even into my 20's. I recently got into an argument with her when she declared that she thinks that its risky for a woman to be on tour alone or with a bunch of female friends, and that she won't approve of me going out-of-station alone or with friends even when I start working. We got into a heated argument with her stating all sort of ludicrous arguments in favour of her view. And just look at them--she'd be okay with me going alone if I were to study or work out of town, since "that can't be helped", but she'd have objections if I were to go on an overnight tour from home. What can I do to counter her illogical dominating attitude? She'll most possibly remain like that even when I'm financially independant, and then it'll be difficult for me to tolerate her BS. What can I do to change her attitude? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Well, her attitude may be dominating but it is not illogical. She thinks that travelling alone is dangerous and wrong for a girl. If the girl is OBLIGED to do it, in order to bring home a monthly salary or a degree , there is no way to avoid it, plus the danger and wrongness of it is somewhat compensated by the tangible result - degree or money. But why going through something wrong and dangerous without being forced by circumstances to do it, and without it producing any tangible benefit ?-
Given the premise " travelling alone is bad and dangerous " her conclusion is perfectly logic.
Of course that does not make it any more acceptable to you , because you don't share the same basic assumption about travel.
I think it's very difficult you can change her mind, you can try to sit her down and reason nicely with her, you can try the " water drip pierce stone " approach, pleading your cause a litle every day... but ultimately you have to contend with a deeply entrenched , conservative mentality that goes way back in time. Your country is not famous for encouraging freedom and self realization for women, even if big steps forward have been taken in the last few decades.
Then again, domination can only be based on the exercise of a power, economical power mostly. Once you get a job and you are self supporting, that's the end of your mother's domination. You can move out, pay your own rent and bills, and at that point you can travel all you want, how is she going to stop you ?
Yes, she will sulk and grumble at first... then she'll get over it. I still have to hear of a daughter who has been disowned because she wanted to take a short vacation...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): Hey my mom is just like yours but she can get worse!!
Well I know what she says and does is to protect me,but its like I'm in a cage,which according to her is for my good..I love her to death but I wish she let me be more independent..
U said your mom would let you go out when it comes to 'studies' and 'work' ,you know what my mom wouldn't even let me do that..when I wanted to study in a different city she said no,I'm not allowed to stay at a girlfriends house,no late night parties,no tours,no clubs,no boyfriends..its her house,her rules what's worse is even if I want to move out she wouldn't let me and I can't leave her cuz I love her but she's soo over protective!!:(
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