A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, to make a long story short. My mom considers herself "open", but she's also biased and prejudiced and whatever doesnt seem right in her eyes, she opposes.I have a boyfriend, which my parents don't know goes beyond anything than a friendship/crush. He's half middle eastern, but was born here and is American. They're both prejudiced against muslims..and believe that "muslim" runs in his blood..so they dont want anything to do with him. No boyfriend, nothing. They just want me to be "friends". I've fallen for this guy. And I want to see where it goes. I'm not saying he's "the one", but I can't guarantee that he's not either, because that's what my parents want to hear.It's just annoying how my parents, especially my mom, thinks she can stop me. Every time there's a mention of him, she makes comments that gets my blood boiling. "Thinking about who? I'm telling you, he's not the one..he's not it.." in the most annoying way possible. It's like, I don't even bring it up and she makes ignorant, irrelevant comments about him. Should I keep tuning it out and let them think what they want to think, because in the long run, I'll move out and have a life of my own anyways? Because I see no use in arguing with them, when they're ignorant and prejudiced and culturally strict. They'll just be upset and won't understand, then I'll have to live through hell as long as I'm with them.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Now you tell us that your mom is ignorant, bias and prejudiced.
I hope some day in the future , you would not turned around and say that you should have listened to your mom...LOL!
They come from a different generations and are set in their ways. You can't change their perspective.
You will learn about life and make your own mistakes.When you become independent financially , you can do whatever you want and like.Your parents cannot do anything about it.
Do not respond to her comments or criticisms of him.
A
female
reader, mediocreland +, writes (28 March 2010):
Ugh my mother sounds a lot like yours. She isn't prejudice or anything, but she's extremely closeminded and childish about my relationship with my boyfriend. She'll constantly talk down to me and try to hook me up with other guys, so I can feel your frustration and pain.
It really sucks, but you're just going to have to keep her in the dark. See this guy on your own time, and don't tell her that you have a relationship with him. Arguing with parents never works out, it just takes time for them to either get used to it.
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (28 March 2010):
 One option, that I realize a lot of people might disagree with, but it is pragmatic: don't tell them anything. Do what you want, and don't share with them the parts of your life that they judge and disapprove of irrationally. Do your best not outright lie, but avoid the topic of your boyfriend, stay as quiet as possible. Don't expect them to change or listen to reason, it sounds like you have already tried that. They are basically forcing you into defiant behaviors, like secrecy. Wanting to date a nice boy you like is not a crazy thing, and you should be able to expect your parents to at least keep their mouths shut, unless this boy has actually done something wrong. They aren't respecting your wishes regarding this situation, and their prejudices are hurting you, so you don't owe them the truth regarding your relationship with this boy. Right now you are dependent on them, and there isn't a whole lot they need from you. But, as you get older, they will have to show you more respect and understanding if they wish to maintain a good relationship with you. Later on, when you are independent, you can be more honest and they might feel obligated to put aside their prejudices. But, right now as their dependent child, they probably don't have a lot of motivation to accommodate your beliefs. So, in order to keep peace with people that you love and have to live with, don't share this part of your life with them. Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend, and hope that as your parents start to respect you as an adult, they will also respect the people that you choose to let in your life. Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 He may not be Muslim, but his parents may be. Most muslims are nice people, law abiding citizens. She didn't particularly say anything bad about Muslims. It's just that interracial relationships are taboo. It's something about tribal pride and it has been that way dating back many thousands of years. She's afraid of how her parents, friends and relatives would think about letting her daugther date a Muslim. Before parents die they want to know where their legacy and property go to, ideally someone of the same race. If she continues to say that dating someone of a different race/color/religion won't work out, then tell her that's because she's the problem. After you are financially independent you can live your own life and not so affected by what your parents think of you. Right now be their sweet little princess and don't ask too many questions about the world.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): You're 18. Tell your mother to take a goddamn hike already.Who you date is none of her business anymore unless you choose to inform her.So tell her she either keeps her ignorant comments to herself or she loses your respect and that you are dating this guy whether she likes it or not and so she better get used to it.Its time to grow up and stand up against your family.Flynn 24
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