A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately I've started to wonder if something is wrong with me. I'm 25 and I've never had a boyfriend. From the way things are looking now I'll probably never have any kids either. As a child and a teen I was bullied a lot, which made me very wary of people and insecure. Now, I do have friends and I cherish them. But I don't trust anyone with my heart. I haven't had sex either because of that. But recently my mom has started talking about how she wants to see me happy with someone before she dies, maybe even see a grandchild. She's not doing well and I know we're lucky if she gets through another 5 years. I've been helping take care of her all my life, together with my dad. He's got heart problems and has been told to take it easy, so I shoulder more of the care now.It makes me conflicted. On the one hand, I want to make her happy. Problem is, I don't know any guy who'd take me on with all the baggage that I have and to be honest I don't want to be tied down to a child just yet. I haven't set up anything for myself yet and caring for an infant...the thought just makes me tired. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): Like the other posters have said .... your mum just wants you to be happy. She's not saying go out and find man/baby now. She's saying she's love for you to be happy and settled in a way so that she doesn't have to worry about you when she is gone and that she doesn't feel like she missing out on you. Must be hard for all concern knowing she's only got limited time left.I met a guy when i was 20 who my mum thought was perfect, that he'd be the one to take of me forever and she'd never have to worry again. What she didn't consider was that I didn't like the guy enough to be tied down and that i didn't want to be tied down so young at all. That is mums for you :)I struggle with relationships too. I first had sex at 25 because frankly i don't trust men (several women in my family raped) and i have insecurities about myself too (likewise bullied). But taking a risk and putting myself out there was good for me. I took a chance on a guy i liked and ultimately it didn't work out, but i'm wiser for the experience of taking the chance. I am glad i trusted. So i keep putting myself out there, i keep mixing and going out and one day maybe i'll find someone else who takes my interest again. You don't have to date the whole football team or drop your underwear for anyone, but if you don't know any guys to "take you on" then maybe you ought to put yourself in situations where you meet new guys. Taking a risk might show you that you can trust and if they break your trust, that you can still survive it and be stronger for it. You are not alone, we all have baggage.
A
male
reader, LivingWithBadDecisions  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 get your issues sorted out through therapy or self help books.
get a boyfriend and baby later if you ever want it.
you come first and deep down thats all your mum wants. she wants you to be happy and right now she doesnt see that from you because youve got unresolved problems.
Cooper
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): OP your mom is just worried that you're going to be losing your closest family members in the next few years and she's worried you'll be left alone.
Look it's very normal for mothers to want their daughters to be in relationships with their own families in a certain time frame. They still have that view that for women you're incomplete without a man and child.
OP she just wants to know you'll be happy and have a good support network of people when she goes. So just live your life, be happy and have good people in it.
It's your life so live it at your own pace. Just do so with happiness and pride. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself and if a guy comes along you feel you like take a chance on a relationship. No big deal. Just do what you can to build a safe, secure future for yourself and let your mom do the usual mother thing of try and tell you how amazing we guys are and having kids is. They all do that.
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