A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend broke up last year and I took it pretty bad. My mum had an idea I was a lesbian through knowing other people I have liked but last year was my first gay relationship. My friends stopped talking to me and I had no one. My mum seemed to understand but today when we were talking about one of my old friends, she said she probably didn't like it, you know as well as I do its not the right thing to do. So I said what isn't? She said girl with girl? I think she knew she wound me up cos she then said it don't bother me and kept digging a further hole for herself. I am now really annoyed she sees it as not right. And more to the point she thinks I don't think its right. What is she saying?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 April 2010):
If she was brought up to believe that it's wrong, then there's little you can do about it. She just has to accept that you are who you are. The important thing is that you and your girlfriend are happy, and you both make new friends and move forward with your life.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 April 2010):
If she's raised to think that way they it will be difficult for her to change, and she's probably really been trying to be open minded, and keep these feelings hidden.
She knows that you are going to be socially excluded by people, mis treated by people, and she may never get grandchildren. She's probably had to stand up for you to people who have been judgemental already, and that can't be nice.
All parents secretly want us deep down to be perfectly normal, with a husband, dog, house next door to them and 2.4 children. It's genetically wired in that this is what is best for us.
And although you get people like Elton John making gay men seem perfectly normal, the only time you hear about lesbians is either in porn, or girls going through a phase before finding a nice boyfriend, or shaving their heads and getting piercings. Society still has a taboo against women liking women. In 10 years time hopefully this will change.
I'm not saying her view is right, because it was very wrong of her to say that. But I'm saying you have to understand this is probably hard for her, and give her the benefit of the doubt once or twice.
Good Luck!! xx
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