A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for almost 2 years now. He has an adorable character which my father likes. My father says he is a man that girls needs. He is mature, kind-hearted, low profile, and behave good to everyone. He always do what he likes without really thinks about otther people comments( in a positive way ). He dress simply, talk low profile, and it just what the way he is. He love me so much and always trying to make me happy as he could. In the other hand, my mom doesn't really like him. Because she thinks that he is stupid that he always treat me too good and too kind with other people. I don't know why my mom thinks like this. I just can't get it why. That is a good thing to be kind with everyone. She often tell and talk badly about him in front of me. She thinks that I will not happy if I marry with him as he has a not so good carreer. I know my bf is trying hard to get a better carreer and he said soon if he is financially well prepared, he will marry me. I know there is nothing really sure in the future, when he will success and marry me as we are both 23. She keeps tell me that and make me feel so upset. I really need her support actually. However, lately my bf and I often arguing about little things. I feel maybe I'm the one who start this, because indirectly I'm affected with what my mom said. I feel like he is being too naïve and unconnected with me. But when I'm fully conscious like when I write this, I feel so sorry and regret what I've done. Please help me guys.. I really need to talk to someone and get your opinions.Thanks before :)7 Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 I think your " you are right " is only for Sageoldguy, because I see it differently : to me , if the guy wants to turn a pianist into a baker is far from ideal.
Anyway , a good rule of thumb in any situation is always : do only what YOU want to do- but be very sure you want to do it.
I feel you are tiptoeing around the issue and still on the fence. Ok , maybe your relatives would pity you. Who cares. But, what would YOU feel about yourself- would you pity yourself ? Would you say to yourself " I am ONLY the baker's wife " ? Would you feel like you weren't able to get any better ? It's your opinion that counts.
You still don't say WHY you are sure that marrying this guy would imply a total change of lifestyle. Would he prevent you from studying further if you wish, from choosing your career, from getting a job , from cultivating your talents ?
I still don't see why he should , again, if you marry a firefighter YOU don't have put out fires. But if he does, yes, big alarm bell,you have to be your own person , and
contribuite to your couple's income according to your own capabilities and inclinations, not his.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Yes, I think you're right. I'm so stressed out lately. Thinking what will happen in the future.
I know my relatives and friends think that I wouldn't be happy with him. I know deep down they feels pity on me :(
Do you have any suggestion and opinions what should I do? I'm so depressed and can't stop thinking of this situation.
Thanks for your help times before:)
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 P.S. A Mother's support is nice to have... but isn't something that you "need"....
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 November 2011):
The operative phrase in your submittal is this one: "I don't know why my mom thinks like this."
My guess is that your Mom actually DOES LIKE your B/F.... but she can't let go and let YOU have the enjoyment of YOUR life, whilest she is choosing to be miserable in HER's....
I say, figure out how to politely ignore your Mother.... then go on with your life with this guy, who, incidentally, "sounds" like a real keeper.
Take a look around at other submittals on this site, and you'll see OODLES of girls who are in lousy "relationships" and would probable sell their souls to get in to one such as you (and your B/F) have!!!
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 November 2011):
Wait a minute, tell it like it is . Or at least, like you told it yesterday when you posted about the same issue. Your mom apparently does not have so much a problem with your bf's personality as with his job, he is a baker right ?. Nothing wrong with bakers, but from your post it sounded that somebody ( either your bf or his family or maybe even yourself ) was taking for granted that at some point you'll be personally involved with helping in the bakery business . And you wondered if you could do it, if you could get used to it. Heck, I bet that your mom has objections ! Aren't you training to become a pianist ? Again, this is not a class conflict issue, it's a common sense issue .- Nothing wrong at all with making bread ,- but not if you have the training and the talents to be a musician. It's like saying, yeah I could be a good neurologist,.. if only I would not have to help at the family's fish market stall . A bit of a pity, wouldn't it be ?
But, never mind that. I think that if you are so affected by your mother's comments ( and after all she is the only one in your family who dislikes your bf ) it's simply because you don't want to admit to yourself that deep down YOU have misgivings about how really compatible you two are. After all, if you'd think her comments are totally foolish and irrelevant, ...you just would let them slide over you, you'd shrug them off politely.
You know, like when you have a dress that you feel you look GREAT in, and your friend says " Mmmm... green is really not your colour ". If you are sure about your choice, you just go : whatever, thanks for your opinion.
Your bf admits honestly that he has no idea when he will be financially secure and able to afford getting married.
Maybe it's you that doubt if you should wait years and years for that , not your mom. But it's always easier to project on other people the feelings we have trouble dealing with...
...............................
|
