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My mind is telling me to be with him but my heart is saying no...

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 June 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I just broke up with my boyfriend recently due to the fact that he's disrespectful, mistreats me, cheated 4 times while we were together, when we're having problems he doesn't want to talk about it, he either ignores me or get mad and tell me to shut up bc that's all i talk about. One day we was spending time together and he left me just to go play the game with his friends. I asked are you seriously about to just leave me while we're spending time together and he responded yes. I don't mind him hanging with his boys or whatnot, it's just the fact that he didn't ask me. I know we aren't married but he could at least show some respect.

Also, recently he hid our relationship from 20+ females on FaceBook. I broke up with him for that and then i took him back because i love him and he was crying and begging me back as usual. So the other day i broke up with him because he left our quality time just to go hang with his boys. Basically i just got fed up with his crap.

Now im in my feelings. In my mind i feel like i've done wrong for breaking up with him and i know i did some things wrong in the past but he continues to do his wrongdoings. I've learned from my mistakes and i matured. I love this boy with all i have. I stood by his side through the good and the bad. Not to mention, we've been together for 2 years and 4 months. But anyways i've been thinking about texting him to get back with him because i just feel wrong. But in my heart, i don't feel the same way. It's like my mind is telling me to be with him but my heart is saying no. I don't know what to do in the situation. I know the saying say "follow your heart" but sometimes your mind can be right as well! He says he loves me and he's in love with me, but if he do, i don't understand why he treats me the way he do. I asked him why does he hurt me and he says because i hurt him. That's a lie because im always the one to try to work things out, he doesn't. he just let it ride.

And when we're spending time together, it's awkward. He acts like i'm a total stranger. But now it seems as if he doesn't have a care in the world that i just broke up with him this time. He didn't even try to work it out or anything. Like idk what to do. And we suppose to been going out of town with his brother this weekend but we're not together and i want to go but i don't think that's the best thing to do. I'm just confused right now. It's like everything from my heart rushed to my head and it's telling me to be with him. I just need some advice on how to deal with this and what to do.

View related questions: broke up, facebook, text

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A male reader, OldTimer Soon Canada +, writes (8 June 2011):

TOXIC Personalities and relationships you see on TV every night -- some shows-- based on fact and some real -- such as Cops. WHY WHY expose yourself to such a losing personality?

Unless you see yourself as more of a loser than he is.

Who you date is who you marry --- want to live with someone like him and have him be a Father to children?

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A male reader, Drew21 Canada +, writes (8 June 2011):

Drew21 agony auntEh, a major red flag: When you ask him "why are you hurting me?" and he answers "because YOU hurt ME."

So that's the way he handles things? He thinks 2 wrongs make a right?

That's not a good relationship to be in. Especially if you don't feel like you're doing anything to hurt him.

If he was hiding you from other women on facebook, that means he's open to a little something on the side.

I think you have to follow your heart on this one. This guy sounds like he's not worth your time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011):

ok, this man clearly does not love you. He cheated on you 4 times and you are allowing this to go on. Stay away from him because he will never treat u with any respect because u r not respecting yourself.I have been through thesame thing as you with my husband and I wish I left him long before I married and had children with him. He use to always put his friends first, he use to disrespect me in public, he put his children and I last, he cheated on me, he hit me...the list goes on and on.So I know where ur coming from. Dont stay with him, run before its too late.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011):

Go with your heart. He is no good. You deserve better.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (8 June 2011):

N91 agony auntAbsolutely do not get back with this guy, he obviously doesn't give a crap about you, cheating on you multiple times, blowing you off for his friends and generally disrespecting you.

You're a young girl, go out, have fun and enjoy yourself! You don't need a man in your life that brings you down, forget about this guy! Especially if you don't feel the love for him that you once did!

Give it time, there is someone out there for you who will treat you like you deserve to be treated, don't settle for someone just because they are there at the time! On this occasion, listen to your heart and leave this deadbeat and show him what a mistake he's made by letting you go!

Hope this helps x

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