A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone...I'm in a stressful situation and I don't think I'm thinking clearly at all. I need some insight please...You see, I have been with a 35yr old man for two years, (I am 20) and he was the first and all that...I regret that so much now because I think I'm doing myself a disservice by staying with him. He's not a horrible person but it's obvious to me now that though he may care for me, he does not love me. He can be so selfish sometimes and inconsiderate. My feelings are secondary. I'm basically on the outskirts of his life, only met his family briefly-once. And I'm never included in anything regarding them. What broke me finally was this: for two days I heard no word from him, called again and again-nothing. I thought something horrible had happened to him because we usually speak daily. I went sleepless and then, he calls me to say he was busy. No apology. I mean, am I being unreasonable in thinking he could have texted me to at least let me know? In my thinking, he simply didn't care enough to. But, he said over and over again that he missed me. Then, he tells me he's leaving the next day for another country for a week. Like an idiot, I accepted his request to leave work early and see him. I am leaving him...but, this week and the previous week, I've been feeling nauseous in the mornings until afternoon. My period hasn't come. I am scared to death. I was on depo but had to stop since I had bad side effects...our protection broke once but I was assured that fertility takes 2-4 months to return after the shot is stopped. I can't even consider abortion if I am pregnant. However, I can't be bonded to this man like this for life. If I am pregnant, I don't want to tell him. I can't take it. I mean, this man is likely to tell me to have an abortion and offer to pay for it and shame me. If I am pregnant, I don't think I could stomach ever telling the child that. But then I think of how kind he is to children and that maybe, he'd take it well... My thoughts are erratic...I will take a test and put this to rest but what can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): please go to this link : www.womenonweb.org
A
female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Try not to stress yourself out so much. I get nauseated when I'm incredibly stressed. I thought I may have been pregnant too because of that but it turned out to be negative. It may very well be the fact that your coming off of birth control too. Your hormones need time to balance back out. Just go ahead and take a test to confirm it one way or the other. As far as if you are, LovelyLemon had some really good advice.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Calm down and take test... think about the other stuff later.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2012):
 A baby won't fix him or how he treats you. I think you have already given yourself the answer.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 You seem to have come to some clear thoughts on your own. The man may care about you but he isn't in love with you and doesn't see any long term potential. He might even be a little sensitive about introducing you to friends and family given your age.
Has he been married before? Does he have children? It's easy to get on with kids someone else is raising. No heavy lifting there.
Part of the problem here is you're trying to find solutions to every possible scenario and you're driving yourself crazy. The simple and most logical first step is to take the test and confirm one way or the other. Once you have actual facts THEN you can consider your options.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Just because you leave him, doesn't mean that he can't be involved in the child's life. If he is good with children then there is no real reason to exclude him from the child's upbringing, and would even be a disservice to your child.
If you are pregnant with his child, then he should know. This absolutely does NOT tie you to him romantically, but does mean that you will be involved in one another's lives. Adversely, if you choose not to tell him and to raise the child on your own, then that is ultimately your choice. You also have to consider financial support of the child. Would child support be something you would want?
This is a very difficult situation, and I wish you the best of luck.
Much love and Best wishes
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