A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I met this girl at a party a while back and we hit it off super well. And we started hanging out.. a lot. We spent a lot of time together and were messing around, we hadn't had sex for the first 2 weeks that we hung out (On my call, she wanted it the first night we hung out, but I didn't want to ruin my chances for a potential relationship) So we messed around a lot and were spending so much time together, and it was always she came over to my place or I went over to hers, we never hung out in social situations i.e. at her friends or my friends places. She then goes back home for a week and comes back, I picked her up from the airport and she spent the night at my place.. again. The next morning we had sex for the first time and it was alright she got hers and I quickly had mine there after. Every thing seemed fine, then a about week later I go over to her place and shes being very abrasive and quiet the entire night, texting her friends and what not. She then receives a call from some friends (guys and girls more guys though) and invites them over when we i thought we were just relaxing and hanging out, and i'm like wtf?? They never came over but when i confronted her she tells me that "I think you want us to be more than friends and I don't want that now". Her excuse was she wasn't over her ex. And has the nerve to tell me she had sex with someone else "a friend" when she was back home, She claimed she used poor judgment and was drunk..In all fairness she was about one month out of a serious 2 yr relation ship, but on the other hand she had told me that she was so into me and really liked me. So she tells me lets take a week off and then see how we feel. I agreed.. a week or so later I give her a call and got no answer and she never called me back. At that point I didn't call her again. Now a month and a half later she texts me out of the blue telling me she misses hanging out with me and wants to "catch up" we went out for pizza and talked for a couple hours then went separate ways and did our own things for the rest of the night. Oh and later that night I heard through the windmill she was hooking up with some other guy, and let me say I didn't like hearing it.Now my questions are:1) Why did she push me away like she did?? Did I smother her? Was she just playing me? I have a hard time believing her reason because she ended all contact and practically fell off the face of the earth. One would think if she wasn't over her bf we would still at least talk to each other and hang out once in a while.2) Could bad sex be grounds for her pushing me away like this? It wasn't terrible she always got hers, but I'm kinda inexperienced and was sort of quick on the draw the one time we had intercourse. 3) How should I asses this relationship? Should I try and forget her and move on? Or should I try and keep up contact with her? It was devastating when she broke it off for me, I fell for her way too quick. I really need help with this my mind has been consumed by it and it has caused me a lot of anxiety and frustration. I will highly appreciate everybody's feed back.Thanks,~B
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Take this as a lesson learned, assume nothing in any kind of relationship, always make sure you know where you stand and if they want the same things you do.
You're going to have to move on from this one as it is causing you undue stress, anxiety and frustration.
By the amount of detail in your question it is obvious you can't stop thinking about all the things she said, did, interpreting signs, actions and trying to work out what could/will happen next.
See this situation for what it was, you were never more than a fling, you'll need some time and distance from her to get over this it's been a month and a half and you still can't help but think of her, meeting for pizza that time was a bad idea, perhaps talk this out with her and get some final closure might be a good idea.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): It was a bit of harmless fun for her, but you started to get serious. You should have found out what your chances were from the beginning, that's the mistake a lot of people seem to make.
You just let things happen and assumed things would take a specific course but you never got full disclosure from her about what she wanted from your fling. Which is all she was looking for.
I was recently in the same situation as you are now, I started to have feelings for a female friend, I made sure I knew exactly where I stood as soon as I started having those feelings and we had a great fling, my feelings didn't go away but they didn't grow either and I was able to enjoy our time together.
My female friend is still hung up on her ex too and just wanted a bit of male attention and comfort, which I was only happy to give her, everything that happened was my choice just like everything that happened with you was your choice. Your only mistake was to expect something more from a girl without ever finding out if that was a possibility.
If you can't seperate your emotions from this and just have a bit of fun with her then you should move on.
Although if your mind is already consumed by it then it's too late.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 if you keep with her, I predict you will be hurt more. Either you accept this in exchange for sex, or you don't.
Move on is the sensible advice, she is at a different stage in her live.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (24 January 2010):
 My opinion is that the girl is simply having a good time. And you are taking it too seriously. Enjoy the sex and move on as necessary.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): She isn't interested unless it benefits her.
Find another woman who isn't a bitch and move on.
Flynn 24
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