A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been together with a married man for over 4yrs.We have bad and good times.People have told his wife and always problems but then it sorts out.I love him very very very much.We were to go on holidays but people have again made problems for us and now he says he not going.What can we do?
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female
reader, spiderweb  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I suppose he's told you that he doesn't sleep with her, doesn't love her as much as he loves you, that he's never felt this way about anyone before, blah blah blah? And you believe it, fool that you are. You are the other woman honey, and will soon stop being even that if his wife finds out about. Then you'll be dumped like a hot potato and he'll be a very good boy and act like a model husband to keep his wife. Of course, if a married man wants a bit on the side, he's not going to tell his girlfriend that he loves his wife, that his wife understands him all too well, that they have a good enough sex life, that he will never leave his family...If he was truthful, it's doubtful he'd pull any woman outside of his marriage, so of course he'll lie and tell you all the things you want to hear. Why wouldn't he lie to you too, if he so easily lies to his wife? Main thing is, try very hard not to lie to yourself girl, cause you sure ain't going on holiday with him or anywhere else but heartbreak hotel. Better believe it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Do not blame people. There is more to this drama. It seems like his wife is against your affair. He is still with her, isn't he? People have not caused this mess, you as the mistress and the married lover have.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): what can "we" do? We? sounds like he's he, and you're you... and there is no "we"...
What you can do is grow up, break up and quit shagging married men... simple.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Nothing. He's already made up his mind and he would rather stay home with his wife than go on holiday with you. You're the other woman; what are you not understanding about this situation? You have no rights to a holiday or anything else with this man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): pretty simple. Find someone who is single. I doubt he'll leave his wife since he hasn't yet hence you will never be in a 'proper relationship' with this man
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 i have to agree with moo! you got your self into a dirty mess their is no solution to your problem other than break up with him and find someone who can love you and do things with you rather than hide from his life. hes treating you like a side salad and your not liking it but this is always the way its going to be their will no be any silver lining hes with his wife and got you for sex or whatever! theirs problems because hes being unfaithful to his wife and if shes up set you loose! you both should break up with him and find someone who is dedicated and not a cheater. other wise their isnt anything you can do his loyaltys lay with his wife and you wont become between him and her. good luck
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 Sorry but when you choose to be with a married man then you are choosing to have the crumbs of time he can give you so you can't do anything. I hope you realise it's always going to be like this?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): OMG!! Firstly, What are you doing allowing your self to fall in love with a man who is already commited to another women?!
And secondly I understand. I have been in a simliar my self and im not proud to admit it - i have never admitted. I stopped doing it and it felt like a HUGE wait had been lifted of my shoulders so maybe you should do the same.
Unless this man you love is willing to be with you and only then i would end it now, its inevitable that it will end badly one way or another!
I know its hard but sometimes you have to let it go...
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (15 August 2010):
Are you serious? Why would you be with a married man for four years if he didnt leave his wife to commit to you so then he could cheat on you?
And wow! 'People' are making problems for the two of you and have told his wife? What does she possible have to say about this? Who are these People?
It is irrevelant that you think you love him - he is taken and living with another woman - his WIFE.
Why hasnt he divorced his wife to be with you? What do you suppose they do in bed every night?
And you are miffed he wont go on holiday? Girl, you need to reset your priorities! He doesnt respect you or her!
In my opinion you should go on holiday alone - leave his cheating ass at home with the wife and meet a wonderful man of your own!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Why are you even involved with a married,& for 4 years?You say you love him,but does he love you.If he loved you,dont you think he wouldve left his wife by now,after 4 years?Does his wife know about you?If he can cheat on his wife,what makes you so special?If this affair was exposed,arent you worried about what it would do to your reputation?Theres no positive outcome for this.Two negatives dont make a positive.Youre both just wasting each others time
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Who cares--you are NOT married to him, therefore, you aren' NOT entitled to go on trips, vacations, and outings with him. Get over yourself please, and seek some therapy ASAP.
If he was having that many issues with his wife, then why hasn't he left her? I'll tell you why, because, he has no intentions on leaving her, not for you, not for anyone. You are just a "side kick" for him..nothing more and it's best if you realize sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, iReval +, writes (15 August 2010):
Well, as it seems likely but not definitively, the married man you seem to be 'in love with' is starting to take other perspectives in life where he seems to be understanding his priorities a lot clearer. Unless im missing something that you have not yet told us. Above all, he is beginning to pre-sume his responsibilities as a father if he is one and as a lover hence being shared is not the best way to be engaged in any circumstance. Maybe a little more information on your behalf is required to sustain a valuable argument.
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