A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I am a 21 yr old female, student, and i have this male friend(30), an audiologist, who is married and has a kid.. I always saw him in this friend area...plus he is my best friend. He admitted of being Madly in love with me. It was a horrifying shock! He keeps telling me he wants me near him, he says he wants to love me, I can't even imagine all this as I just think of him as a friend. I politely told him that the feeling is not mutual, several times! He goes about telling me his desires about me even after that, and when I tell him to stop he gets all upset and sad and curses himself that even after I humiliate him or do anything, he wants to tell me this b'coz he loves me too much to even hide the emotion.. The weird part is I still see him as my best friend, and feel hard to let go. I am completely sure I don't love him.. I respect his marriage a lot. But he tells me a part of him will die if i leave him. He is even ok if I don't love him back, but he can't without me is all he says.. he wants me happy, but sarcastically tells me that if i ant to leave him, I can. I am very concerned about all this... and all this is making it hard for me to concentrate on my studies..! I keep thinking about the extends he could go for this Love of his that i don't share. I was arrogant and angry of all this, as i saw it as drama.. he could not bear fighting with me also and told me to stop... I was angry and couldn't believe he fell in love! he tells me he could cut sorry on his arm to tell me how upset he felt about me being hurt... all this is getting on my nerves... Please help...what should I do.. and mostly we chat...so just help me.
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 i know it's hard, but you definitely need to cut contact with him. it won't be easy, but it's necessary.
he's acting obsessive and really crazy. cut the word sorry on his arm? wtf?? i'm sorry, but that's insane. he's also being extremely disrespecful to his wife. if he cannot put a lid on his feelings for you, and stop with the harassment, he needs to not be a part of your life until he can stop having these feelings for you. if he won't remove you from his life, you need to do it for him. it's absolutely for the best. maybe one day, you two can learn to be friends again - but not until he can get a grip.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (28 September 2013):
 He's 30 years old and I'm sure that at his age he knows that what he's doing isn't right.But he's trying to manipulate you anyway to see how far he can get. If you wish to respect his wife, marriage and child, you will have to cut contact with him. He's shown you through actions that he's not capable of setting proper boundaries on his own.It's sad to lose a close friend when you've done nothing wrong, but if he's putting you through this awkwardness and drama then he's clearly not much of a friend. Let him go. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 September 2013):
 I have a friend like this. I knew him before he was married. We've been friends for over ten years. He has since gotten married, but still pursues me like he did before he was married. How do I deal with his amorous attention? I set boundaries. I distance myself from him. Our communication with each other has now dwindled to maybe once a month. The friendship is still there, but if he crosses that boundary I ignore his calls. If he brings up anything sexual in the conversation, I end the conversation. He has learned now that nothing sexual is going to happen to us. Do I love him? Yes, but I'm not in love with him. I think that he and I will remain friends for life, but I had to be very firm with him when it came to setting those boundaries.
If this friendship is stressing you out then you need to stop spending time with him. If the friendship is true it will survive. I have gone through periods with my friend where we weren't in contact for several months, but the friendship is still there. Don't take his calls. Avoid seeing him and tell him to leave you alone. If he does not listen or respect your wishes, then he could be developing "stalker" issues (not good). When that happens you either have to get a restraining order (not sure how that works in your country), or get a relative or friend to have a stern talk with him about leaving you alone.
If he is a true friend he will respect your wishes and give you the space you need.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (27 September 2013):
 He is married with a child and, especially given his age, is acting inappropriately towards you.
You have expressed to him that you do not feel the same way yet he continues to hound you and tries to talk about his desires with you.
His behaviour is not only unfair to you but unfaithful to his wife by trying to pursue you.
Your studies are important and you should be focusing on them.
I know you say this man is your best friend but he isn't behaving like one. A best friend would respect your opinion, support your need to study, never pressure you into doing or hearing things you don't want too and listen to you.
This man is coming across as obsessive and I think you should be very careful.
If you don't feel able or want to break the connection with him, then you need to tell him once and for all that you do not have feelings for him and that if he continues to hound you in this way you will tell his wife. That may just make him wake up and back off.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): I'm certain you can see through a line of bullsh*t, and know this is a man who just wants to cheat on his wife. He is sexually attracted to you, not in-love.
The fact you wrote your post means he's being very persistent. It also means you haven't put your foot down to stop him in his tracks. Don't give him the slightest notion he may be getting through. He won't stop until you stop him.
Is he starting to wear you down?
It's all a part of seducing an attractive young woman.
It's time to see it for what it really is. He is no longer your best friend; he is a man trying to cheat on his wife. He is taking advantage of your fondness; as a vehicle to get into your panties. It's all about sex and nothing to do with love. You're a smart woman. You know it.
Back away from this guy for awhile. You say you respect his marriage. The best way to prove it, is to ask him to cut it out; and threaten to end the friendship to avoid being any part of cheating on his marriage and family. Inform him straight out that you're not buying the love crap. He has to hear the words come out of your mouth.
Married men telling women they are in-love with them; is the cheapest and most warn-out approach to cheating on the planet. Only dumb females fall for it; or horny women who don't really care, they just want to have sex.
Put an abrupt end to it. That's how you stop it. Believe me, his penis is more involved in this than his heart.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (27 September 2013):
Truth be told, I think you already know what you need to do. You can not be best friends with someone who has feelings for you. Also you are not respecting his feelings and you continue to speak with him. He wants you, and you do not want to be with him, the respectful thing to do is to give him space and move on.
He is 30 yrs old and you are a young adult, surely there are other people out there who can become your friend. Perhaps it feels good that he can depend on you and you on him but this can not work.
All you have to do is stop talking to him and accept that he is a stressful part of your life. Even though you will miss him, it is better to move on and focus on your studies. If he was really your best friend, he would see what is more important. Someone at his age should not be trying to influence a young adult when he already has a child and wife. I find his behavior very disturbing and very questionable.
You know what you need to do, the rest is up to you.
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