| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My new co-worker (he's newly married, I might add) is adorable, funny, and charming. He is also a HUGE flirt. I find myself flirting back all the time, though I'm careful as to what I say.And even though I do flirt, at the end of the day, I only love one man- my boyfriend. I'm very proud of him and anyone who knows me will know this.Now... that said I still cannot get my co-worker off my mind. I find myself thinking about him too much. I do not love him, I just find him extremely attractive. What's worse is, I think he knows this. Maybe he's just after the attention, but it seems like he goes out of his way to talk to me sometimes. Out of all the places to sit during our meetings at work he sits by me. Yesterday he caught me by surprise... out of the blue he asked how things were with my boyfriend. I just thought it was weird, seeing as most people don't really seem to ask about other people's significant others unless they are unwell!Maybe it's just in my head, or maybe he is trying something. I don't know. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I love him and I couldn't ever do anything to hurt him. But I can't get my co-worker out my head! I feel horrible even thinking about him! Help!
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 i think you're beginning to tread on thin ice here. it sounds like he may like you, as well. and this could get out of hand if you don't nip it in the bud now.
no, you certainly haven't cheated - physically, at least. however, i think it goes without saying that i'm sure it would really upset you to find out that your boyfriend was feeling and doing the same things with one of his co-workers that you're doing with this guy. i maintain that if you wouldn't want your partner to feel that way and behave that way towards someone else, you shouldn't do it to them.
that being said, i think you should put a lot of distance between you and this guy. there will always be temptations in life. it's completely unreasonable and unrealistic to expect to never bump into another man who you find attractive and charming. it's what you choose to do with these thoughts and feelings that shows our character and dedication to our partner. if i were you, i'd cut as much contact as possible with this guy asap, before it gets out of hand and you begin crossing lines.
good luck.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2013):
 This might help:
Imagine if your boyfriend was constantly flirting with another woman while away from you, asking her how things were going with her boyfriend, and envisioning that he'd love to get her clothes off and bury his penis deep inside her, feeling her tighten around him as he did so.
Doesn't feel too good, does it?
It's *not* innocent. It's an emotional affair, and you are being disloyal to your husband by obsessing over another man, married or not. Consider this he's treating his wife, the one who gave herself to him, pledged her love to him, he vowed to be true to her, yet he's flirting with you constantly. That's not attractive. That's not cool, and that's not worthy of thought. There are 10 million handsome guys out there. This sort of disloyalty makes him ugly.
If you say you love your boyfriend and would never do anything to hurt him, then stop flirting with the married co-worker. That already hurts your boyfriend, sends messages about you in the workplace, and will threaten your livelihood, your career, and your relationships. What would happen if someone thought you were sleeping with the married guy after watching you flirt, and then writes an anonymous note to your boyfriend saying you're cheating on him? Or what if they write his WIFE and says the same thing? Don't think that could happen? I've seen it happen with my own eyes, and it caused someone I knew to have to resign. (he was the CFO and she was a vendor for Hewlett-Packard)
Crushes may be common, but not harmless to indulge. Get away from this guy, or break up with your boyfriend if you can't live without your ego getting stroked in this fashion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): It's just a crush. You'll have many of those throughout your life. Don't act upon it, just enjoy it as it's part of life. It will pass in time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): Work crushes are common. There is a post on DC every other day about them. There is nothing wrong with having one, unless you act on the impulse to cheat on your spouse, or significant other.
It is not unnatural, or wrong, to find other people attractive; and be flattered by their attention. Often, people crave attention and want to feel they are attractive to strangers; that doesn't mean they want to cheat.
Just remember, when you respond to flirting; you are sending messages about yourself. That you may be lonely, seeking attention, or you're horny. Obsessive thoughts about other people, when you have a spouse or in a committed relationship; often means you fantasize about cheating. You have to fight the temptation. That is what commitment is about.
You can't control what your eyes see, or stop being attracted to people. You can control what you do about it.
In spite of the long speech about how much you love your boyfriend, and wouldn't hurt him; you still have a lot of room in your head about some other guy. That's how cheating starts. It goes from a fantasy, to an obsession; then comes the act. Your messages were so strong, he asked how you and your boyfriend were doing. That's not a good sign.
Time to put a cap on the flirting, and act like a professional person at work.
When he pops up in your head, look at your boyfriend's picture to push him out. Don't "say" one thing, and "think" another. Cheating begins in your mind.
He is in a more committed situation than you are. He's another woman's husband. Just think about how you'd feel; if you knew your boyfriend was doing the same thing.
Keep it professional, distract your thoughts; and you can't go wrong.
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