A
female
age
51-59,
*hazzy72
writes:Hiya, I'm Sharon, I'm 41 and broken hearted. I was seeing a married man that I've known since school days. He texted me and called me for years. Then last year it became intimate. He is a lorry driver and I'm a door step collector. Our jobs have given us plenty of hours to be able to be on the phone together, as he sleeps in his truck 4 nights a week it's easy to be on the phone 6 hours a day.He finally convinced me that we would be together one day. He would constantly text, if I didn't answer him, or constantly prank my phone so I would ring him. He told me he didn’t love his wife, etc., and the usual stuff and I actually believed him…I know I’m stupid.Our affair went on for a year, he got to know my 2 daughters, and even used to text the eldest one to say good luck with interviews etc. One night, my eldest texted him to say hello. Unbeknownst to us at the time his wife read it and deleted it. The following week I started to get prank calls and I found out it was his wife. Since the text, she checked his phone bills and my number was on there loads so she called me. He said he would sort it and I actually found out he was crying and begging her not to chuck him out. I was so mad I drove to their house and he still had the cheek to wink at me and whisper he would sort it out. I asked him if he loved me and as his wife went out of the room he replied, “Of course I do, leave me to sort it.” I was so mad I told her. I thought no more lies, so I told his wife more in ten minutes then he did in 11 hours. Now he won’t talk to me at all. I have deleted his number but cannot believe after he pursued me for years he can turn like that. He screamed at me to leave him alone and I’m so hurt. I’ve had no contact with him for 2 days but I cannot help thinking surely he misses contact with me after so many hours every day for a year. Could someone please give me a bit of advice to maybe help me through this. My girls can’t believe he has done this to me.
View related questions:
affair, married man, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Well at least you got the chance to tell his wife everything. my married lover used to have me lie down on the floor of his car until he pulled inside his garage and closed the door. But I peaked at the street signs and figured out where he lived. We were together 4 years, so once in a while when my work took me near his house I would swing by just to look, hoping to see what his wife looked like, see if he was home whatever, but I never stopped. Then one day he was actually outside and saw me driving by, I smiled and waved but he threw up his hands and motioned me to drive quickly away. So I did. The next thing I know he moved his family 15 miles away to a new town. Guess who never got to see the new house? Me! lolHe claimed it was for his job, but I knew better.I also thought we would be together one day, that he loved me and no longer slept with his wife. My best friend even got to meet him a few times. Which was good for me, bad for him because one day when she went out to lunch she saw him come into the same resturant with his wife and son and they were carrying a brand new baby. oooops The end.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (10 March 2011):
If you think back to last year, to the time before nothing intimate had happened, but it was going to happen soon, there would have been a time where you would have thought: "I am about to get involved with a married man, should I really do this / I love him maybe he will leave her for me / whatever I am just going to go for it and worry about the consequences later...."
This is the moment where you did all this to yourself. He probably manipulated you and told you all of the things you wanted to hear, but none of that is possible without you putting yourself in this position in the first place. You say your girls can't believe he has done this to you, but really you have chosen for this to happen by putting yourself in this position. This is the position you run the risk of being in when you have an affair with a married man, I would suspect it is the most common outcome for people who do this. Do not put all the blame on him for a situiation you are at least 50% responsible for creating.
In terms of helping you get through this, unless he decides to leave his wife for you, I would not contact him again, leave him and his wife to try and repair what remains of their marriage, and use your experience to decide on the life that you want to lead. Happiness lies on the other side of good choices.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (10 March 2011):
You might feel bad, BUT I bet he feels TERRIBLY bad. You still have your daughters, but what does he have? His whole family turned against him.
I agree wtih C Grant but I would like to add a little to make you feel better.
For you, meet new people, get involved in new activities to slowly let go of the feelings you have for him.
As regards him, he has a much worse problem in his hands. If you ever have contact with him again, apologize, but that is all you should do.
Good luck both to you and him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Of course he screamed at you, you have upset his little world where he was pulling the wool over his wifes eyes and having hanky panky with you, and playing mum's boyfriend to your daughters.
Not only did you invade his space by going to the marital home you exposed him for the gutless liar he is to his wife, who he had, up until then, beleived would fall for anything lie he wanted to spin.
Did you care about his wife when he was lying and cheating on her? As the old saying goes, you made your bed ..... the only positive thing to be gained is that your daughters can learn from your behaviour that cheating around with a married man is unlikely to end up happy ever after.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Welcome to the world of seeing a married man. He was playing you and didn't intend to leave her. Now you've forced his hand, he can't have it both ways any more, and you're kicked to the kerb.
...............................
|
