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age
41-50,
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writes: I am deeply in love with a married man that doesn't love me back. Why do all of these lucky bitc*es get their married boyfriend to love them. Let me guess its all about looks?? Only beautiful and attractive women can get the man to fall for them. its not fair. We can't all be pretty and perfect.I am not dog ugly. I am tall and slim. He likes the way I look, but he doesn't love me. He also won't leave his wife because he is staying for the kids. This is confusing and depressing
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): It's common for men to be unhappy in their marriages (maybe the wife is a ^^^^h) but unfortunately have by now entangled themselves in a web involving lots of people who depend on the marriage to continue (namely a wife especially if stay at home, and young children) . So it is not easy to just up and leave as the guilt of public condemnation is high. Some men do gather the courage to leave their wives and face the fall out and pick up the pieces and everyone eventually moves on. Other men are too cowardly, so they opt to just secretly get their unfulfilled needs met by an affair partner to make their marriage more tolerable. So in a way by having an affair with him you are helping him to stay in his marriage by making his daily life more tolerable while he is still married. Of these cheating men, some will be motivated to finally leave their wives either out of guilt or out of motivation to start a new better life with the new woman. Other men, again, are too coward and risk averse. Every major life change involves risk including starting a new relationship and certainly ending a marriage where one is deeply embedded due to having a lot of dependents. Some cheating men are just too risk averse to overhaul everyones life and face the guilt of that and thus opt to keep the status quo going which means the marriage, while in the meantime still relying on the affair partner to make their daily life more tolerable. This is why you need to remove yourself as his crutch. If he is that unhappy in his marriage he can choose to leave. If he is staying for his kids that is also a decision to stay now the ball is in your court if you want to accept this and continue being his secret mistress. Some women are fine with being just the mistress as they themselves do not want to overhaul their lives and only want non committal good times. But if a real relationship is what you want then you're not going to get it from this type of man.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): He has zero respect and consideration for his wife but he still wants to have his marriage because he is invested in maintaining the expected picture perfect life of a typical respectable family man with wife and kids in tow. If he left his wife for you his reputation would be seriously hurt as people would demonize him for tearing his perfect family apart. His social circles would judge him harshly. He would be rocking the boat big time with his in-laws whom he will always have ties to because of his kids. Financial wise being divorced will lower his standard of living as he will have to pay child support and alimony. He will go from living in a nice house to a cramped apartment and only see his kids on weekends. He does not want to suffer any of these consequences. As much as he enjoys sex with you, you do not outweigh these consequences and to him you are not worth suffering that much for. Can't you see his decisions are driven purely by his own self interest and not by love of any sort for anyone? His decision to sleep with you as well as his decision to keep his marriage while sleeping with you.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 He is not staying just for the kids. He is staying because he has got it very good at the moment. Have you heard the one about he doesnt have sex with or sleep in the same bed as his wife yet?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Dont you know by now at your age that it's NEVER about looks? Looks play a tiny role in the very beginning, I mean, really few first moments, and then who cares if a person is stupid, no manners, angry, and sleeps with married men?Why would you pick for your love someone who is so unavailable? Why would anyone act in a manner that brings so much frustration into their lives? Smart women and men don't things like that. Smart people look for a mate that is single, not married. Of course he will never leave his wife. He is not monogamous, but is married with children. You are not his first or last. He just one of those people who can't have sex just with one person but need constant change in partners. It doesn't change the fact that he is married, and he has kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Which part of Married did you not understand? Leave him, find a single guy and be happy with your own man.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 His marriage sex life is probably poor . . . So he decides to go for a tall and slim female who will give him the sex he wants so he goes for you. But as far as a real relationship goes, he still wants to be in that marriage for the I guess 'emotional side of things', but he just wants you for sex. And no, its not right for you to feel as though it isn't fair because you are the home wrecker here let's not forget that. So you know what I say? Show yourself some respect and leave the guy alone!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Bad decision on ur part doll to mix up with him in the first place. This is part of your consequence. End this relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Let me guess its all about looks?? nah it's about dating people who are available, who can commit to a relationship not just a quickie.
Only beautiful and attractive women can get the man to fall for them. its not fair. SO not true otherwise ugly people wouldn't get married, besides who said life's fair?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): No OP, only women who go for single men have more success at this kind of thing, beauty has nothing do with it.
How is it confusing? You told us exactly what is going on so you know what's going on.
It's your own fault for trying to bag a married man, you can't make someone love you but you can walk away and find someone who will.
You're only depressing yourself and it's perfectly fair. What's not fair is that you don't show any respect for his current relationship or wife, that's what's not fair.
Everything else is a case of 'you made your bed'.
OP what you makes you think any respectable man worthy of your love would play this kind of game behind his own wife's back? What did you expect to happen?
Seems you have questionable judgement when it comes to men.
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A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (24 February 2013):
Dear OP,
1. He is married
2. He does not love you
3. Therefore, where is the equation that he has to leave his wife and be with you?
4. Life is definitely NOT fair. You need to find someone available not unattainable.
5. You cannot help who you fall in love with but you can make a choice to be a great person by walking away from him because there is a special person out there who would see the great person you are.
6. Let go of him and start on getting over him. It will take time but you are worth it.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Hi
It's not ALL about looks, it's integrity too and so many different things.
*He* knows you will see a married man for sex, that you don't care about his wife or children. What does that tell him about you?
*He* is a liar and a cheat who will probably never leave his wife and children and will drop you when he's bored.
He brings out the worst in you and gives nothing back
Get out of it and become 'wife' material instead of some blokes bit on the side.You will feel alot better about yourself.
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