A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and his baby mama never got married, just lived together. They broke up (couple months after the child was born) because she liked to party and get drunk, and was jealous of the love my boyfriend had for his son. Nevertheless, she got custody, as my boyfriend is in the military.She was diagnosed some kind of tumor a couple months ago. It grew quickly. She never gave up partying, even after being diagnosed, nor took her meds. So she's now in a induced coma/ventilation (my boyfriend isn't sure, but she's unconscious and being helped by machines).I don't think she has many chances. Even if she gets to wake up (and that's a big IF), she'll just be in pain for the short time she has. Her mom wants to get it over with, my boyfriend wants to keep her this way.I always told my boyfriend that I'd not mind if he wanted to spend time with her in the hospital (she was a big part of his life, and is the mother of his child), but he spent all week in the hospital (I saw him for less than 4 hours the whole week, we usually are together everyday for hours).I'm afraid this situation can bring back old feelings. Why? When she was diagnosed, he told me several times he wouldn't go see her much, as she's a horrible person, but now I barely see him because he's always there (with his mom and her mom, but still).I'm trying to support him as best as I can. Today he came to my house to see me, stayed for 15 minutes then went home to change and go back to the hospital. Needless to say that I had to try my hardest not to cry.How can I deal with being apart this long, not to mention this will keep going for at least another week, if not more - bear in mind that here phones aren't allowed at hospitals, so I can't contact him for hours? And how to deal with this feeling of loneliness (it's stupid, but I feel extremely depressed)?Also, if she dies I'd like to go to her funeral with him (to support him and the kid), but it'd be extremely improper, wouldn't it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Just deal with it on your own and let him be at the hospital howeber much he wants. The woman is DYING for goodness sake. This situation will not last forever. Surely you can just suck it up temporarily. Find other things to distract yourself with.
Some times family members of dying people spend MONTHS at the hospital. That is what it is like to be a family member of someone who is dying a slow horrible death. It is not fun I can tell you. It is not like he enjoys being at the hospital. The best way to support him is to take care of yourself on your own so he can concentrate on whatever grieving he needs to do.
A
female
reader, redbean  +, writes (24 February 2013):
Have you gone with him to the hospital? You should go with him to see what he normally does. Is he bringing the kid with him each time he goes to the hospital? If he is just there by himself yes I can understand what you are feeling. I guess tell him he needs a break from the hospital. Going there doesn't help her much since she is in a coma and if her condition gets worst the hospital or her mom can contact him. Tell him he needs some fresh air and spend time with his son and us. You can't blame him. I mean they had a kid together that means they did once liked each other. Especially now that she might be gone he wants to see her before she leaves. Just tell him that you want some quality time with him since he is away for work on other days.
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